Session 345 - The Lion, the Sphinx, and the Gemstones.

Date: 13 June, 22 p.p.

Moon: Waxing Gibbous - Dragonface

Zenith: Oberon

New Backstory:

- Damnation Snels knew Philipides Goath's family well, and told him of old memories and fond exploits. Gain another generic Mentor ability from your parents. In this case: Sharp Eye - no random targets when shooting into melee.
- Odo Grumblebelch fell into a hole in the mines and couldn't escape until she was saved by her brother. Those near you get a reroll to prevent falling.

Events:

--- Sinful Statues

- We start where we left off, with the party skinning the body of a freshly killed winged boar inside the Temple of Archaeopteryx - a temple dedicated to an elvish Flitting Gad hero from the past who had a penchant for magic weaponry.
- There's a lot of meat on that boar! The party is very satisfied and continues to explore this dungeon.
- Inside a long thin room are three statues, placed far apart from each other in a line. They are statues of Gads worked in filigreed metal, and each has a gem inside the head - green, red and clear.
- The green gem flashes when they approach, and everyone except Sydney is hurt by their greed! It seems only the richest is spared chip damage.
- This sucks so they leave.

--- Golden Pain
- They come to a room containing floating gold coins! Sydney flicks a tooth he happened to have in his bag at one of them, and it plinks off. There is a distant "ow!" from a brass speaker-tube in the centre of the ceiling.
- The pervert sword Lothario explains that this is a torture device, and someone elsewhere in the dungeon has a chunk taken out of their flesh every time a coin is taken. Where? Uhhh probably down thaaat way.
- Julian yells through that they're here to save whoever it is at the other end, and the voice gives directions! Hurrah! She used to be the leader of the Gads guarding this temple, but was punished with this device and has been there for a thousand years.
- The party follow the directions down a sloping corridor... only to see that there's some sort of gravity distortion effect killing a Gad in slow motion partway along. Perhaps not that way.
- Jojo finds a hidden door while looking for a hidden panel to switch off the effect though!

--- Hidden Treasure

- Behind the door is a stairway upwards. There's a small armoury with bronze arms and armour in here, which is duly liberated. Also amongst the stuff is a jar of null-paint which makes skin you paint it on stop existing, a labelled invisibility potion, and a pair of intricate beads which will teleport you to the other one if you crush one.

--- Sinful Statues: Reborn
- The stairs go up further and open out into the statue room! Looks like the warp corridor crosses beneath here!
- This time the party chooses Fight! Various people attack various statues! The Red one hurts you if you don't attack, and the Clear one hurts the least fancily clothed person. This along with the Green that hurts the poorest.
- It's a battle of chip damage, the living statues attacking with lengthening arms and pulsing single points of damage out with every hit.
- Sydney manages to kill the Clear gem statue and grab the gem, and the others decide to retreat for now. Those little hits hurt! They also realise that these statues target based on sins - Red for Wrath, Diamond for Pride, Green for Greed.
- They munch down some rations in the armory, while Sydney goes back out (since he's rich) to attack the Green statue. It works! Green gem acquired!

- When everybody else has had a nice break, they all bumrush the red statue and destroy it! Red gem acquired!

--- The Injured Lion
- They leave the room and try another door - this one contains a big statue that looks like a bunch of smaller statues all smooshed together into a big mismatched stone horror! Maybe not, let's go the other way.

- Behind the next door is a short corridor ending with a curtain and containing an injured lion. It is licking its paw and feeling sorry for itself.
- Odo jumps at it and jams her automatic repair kit onto its paw! It is scared and confused and slashes at him!
- Philipides jumps at it, wrestles it, and casts Lay on Hands (recently learnt by multiclassing into Cleric) to heal it! The lion's paw is healed... but it's still scared and confused so bites Phil!
- Phil shoots it in the head.
- They slaughter the lion for meat.

--- ...And Scene!

- Jojo looks into the next room through the curtains, discovering that the curtains are decorated with the elf hero Archaeopteryx battling the blue-skinned goblin minions of an enormous blue dragon.
- There are sounds of voices from behind. Some Gads are here!
- Odo springs into action, putting the lion's bloody skin over herself and poking out from behind the curtain. She asks the Gads a riddle, an ersatz sphinx. It... works!
- The Gads decide to try another corridor, figuring that they can always come back to the riddling sphinx!

- Flush with lion meat, we end the session for the evening. What shenanigans!

Total: 7000 exp

Treasure:

- Boar meat
- Lion meat and assorted parts

- Sundry bronze weapons

- Invisibility Potion
- Vial of Null Paint
- Pair of Teleport Beads
- Three valuable gems (3000 exp)
Total: 3000 exp

Foes:

- Three sinful statues (150 exp)
- A badly hurt lion (50 exp)
- Some Gads, tricked (500 exp)

Total: 700 exp

OOC:
- Chronicler, Cartographer & Paymaster: Carter
- Expedition Leader: Kitty

- Quartermaster: Ollie
- Vanguard: Tom
- Chef: George

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Sydney, Level 6 Magic-User: 56912 (Level up at 72000)

- Ollie / Jojo Fullbeard, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 34128 (Level up at 36000)

- George / Poison Phil, Level 5 Fighter: 19528 (Level up at 32000)

- Kitty / Julian & Aximander, Level 4 Languid Wastrel: 11197 (Level up at 18000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! +Backstory!

- Tom / Odo Grumblebelch, Level 4 Dwarven Barbarian: 8107 (Level up at 16000)

Level Up! +1d10 HP! +1 to Saves! +Lorebong! +Backstory!

Session 344 - The Temple of Archaeopteryx

Date: 30 May, 22 p.p.

Moon: Full - Clean Face

Zenith: Eris

New Backstory:

- Odo Grumblebelch tried to lead his clan of Dwarves to safety, but they were cornered and slain by a rival clan. Odo was the only survivor. +1 to rolls when salvaging a situation that just went horribly wrong.

Events:

--- The Sword in the Orb
- The party of Odo, Jojo and Julian are somewhere in the Drudge Wastes. Low mountains loom over the polluted bog. The air crackles with static, wispy cirrus clouds are far overhead, and crawling insects are everywhere. Occasionally a bug will fizz into the air and get zapped with a crackling pop, murdered by the static.
- Odo feels the call of the mountain in his Dwarven bones, and so they set off in that direction! This "marlingspike" they're planning to investigate is in that vague direction after all.
- Crossing the foothills, they see an enormous glass orb on a hilltop! They investigate and discover it's hollow, with a smaller orb within that contains a gold sword!
- Jojo bypasses the puzzle with Passwall, headbutting straight through and letting Odo grab the sword-orb!
- The sword speaks loudly about how he's a disgusting hairy man. Odo interjects that he's a Dwarf, but then the sword perceives Jojo and gets all lecherous. You can free the sword by kissing the orb, you see.
- It turns out we've been misgendering Odo this whole time, she's a girl! She "kisses" the orb with her bum and the glass boils away, leaving the lecherous sword in her Dwarven hands. It's enchanted to kill men! Also a real sexist piece of work. The sword is possessed by the spirit of one Andrew Lothario, cursed into the sword by the Elf Hero Archaeopteryx, then sealed in the orb when he got too annoying. The Elf Hero's temple is nearby, and the sword knows the way!

--- Turn Around Demon
- They follow the sword's directions and head towards the temple but... suddenly they realise they've gone the completely wrong direction! How strange!
- They try again and... they're back at the orb! What's going on?
- Jojo casts Detect Magic and, wouldn't you know it, there's some magical trickery going on! Jojo also sees a floating figure, mirrored in the middle like a king on a playing card. Jojo tries attacking to no avail.
- The invisible figure introduces himself as Szimcath, and says he's escaped from the temple. He and Andrew Lothario know each other of old. The figure grants Jojo a playing card that will create a similar effect, and warns the party that the static in the air heralds a dangerous storm known as The Hive! It seems that even the weather was changed during Gifflewim's time under the influence of the Idea of Thorns...

--- Regular Mountain

- They hurry on in case the weather turns, finally going the right direction now that they've made friends with some sort of demon. They come to a mountain which is clearly unnatural, the shape too smooth and regular. There's a symbol above a set of three doors, which the sword informs everyone is the symbol of Archaeopteryx

- Leading towards the doors are thick wriggling entrails in a variety of lurid colours. Gross.
- Odo picks through some of them and finds a small silver key! Nice!

- They approach the temple and Odo chooses the leftmost door, kicking it and discovering that it's actually a curtain of entrails! Extra gross! The sword tells everyone to watch out for the petrified centipedes that fire out of the walls if you go in the wrong entrance. Hmm.
- The door opens to a short flight of stairs going downwards. At the bottom is the corpse of a Flitting Gad - the Featherfall Elf species. It's very dead, and its insides were liquefied. Julian takes his armour of gull wings, which is pretty rad.
- The centre door has frosted glass, and through it they can see a small army of Gads preparing for battle!
- The rightmost door is another entrail curtain, and the stairs lead down into a little corridor. Jojo suspects a trap, so crawls up above the door on the ceiling. Strong core muscles, you see. Odo pushes the door open ever so slightly... and oil pours down from above as a sparking device sprays her with sparks! She jumps back, only slightly singed, unlike pour Jojo above who gets oiled up entirely! The oil bursts alight, and she drops down covered in flames!
- Odo and Jojo manage to douse the flames, while outside Odo looks up to see winged figures speaking in fluted voices coming in to land...

--- Blood of Gads
- Luckily, it turns out that Odo speaks Gaddish! The Elves tell her that they are coming to the temple to scavenge some magic weaponry to fight enemy Gads who've allied with the Red Elves.
- Odo considers this... and attacks! Twice-Stolen Sword in one hand, Lothario Blade in the other, she... fumbles! Notching the magic weapon activates one of its powers, hitting all men in the area with a blast of man-hating energy!
- Jojo uses her new spell Polymorph Elf to transform one of the Elves into a giant african land snail! The other unfurls its beautiful wings and begins to captivate the party...
- Julian's wrestling the Gad, too close to be affected by the magic mesmerising wings. He grapples it, and it begs to be let go. Thinking quickly, Julian extracts a promise not to just turn back and attack the party, then lets the Elf fly off in a cloud of glitter.
- Jojo crushes the snail. Poor snail, or elf. Poor snelf.

--- Aximander Comes in Clutch
- They try the middle door again, and realise that the shapes they can see are repeating the same actions over and over. It's an illusion! They go through and find a slim corridor with floating glass bubbles, each containing some fire.
- Julian tries to touch one and... it explodes! The fire bursts out and Aximander bursts into Julian's body! He casts Pyrokinesis and immediately contains the explosion, pushing it out and up while the others make a hasty retreat!
- He brings the fire outside, and they use it to light a campfire. It's cooking time!

- Odo briefly goes hunting in the wastes and comes back with a Hollow Eel... basically a big lamprey that's hollow all the way through like a tube. He uses this, the dead snail's remains, and a trickle of milk from the demon goblet to cook "L'Eel du Snielle Milque". Despite the sound of this, it's tasty! Plus it gives everyone a bonus against poison!
- They spend the night in the flame trap antechamber, being very careful not to set it off...

--- Hedylidae, Boar Slayer

- In the morning they awake to the smell of petrichor, and soon the beat of heavy rain. Plants are visibly going more quickly, and it's great for Odo's beard and Jojo's burnt eyebrows!
- They head back into the dungeon. The fire orbs have returned, but they're small and nonthreatening for now, so the party travels through.
- They find urns haphazardly stacked and search them. Jojo finds some anaesthetized throwing bats wrapped in thin netting. Aximander finds a "Locket of Acrimony" which makes people dislike you intensely when you show them the picture in the locket. Odo finds an elaborate scalpel and instructions in an unknown language...
- They head in further and find another dead Gad, this one stabbed through the middle. Aximander takes the butterfly brooches from the body because they're dead cool.
- The sound of someone laughing and celebrating drifts down the corridor... and they go to investigate!
- In the middle of the room, in a bloodstained fountain, sitting on a dead winged boar, is a Gad! She's peeling feathers from the boar's wings and attaching them to her sword, which is made up of loads of feathers.
- She apparently knows the Lothario Blade, and turns down a swap for her feather sword - he's too annoying!
- She informs them that she's a Rebel Gad who's trying to fight back against the Red Elves who want to mine all the magic from the Earth with their marlingspike and break all bonds of felllowship.
- She used to guard the temple herself, but was kicked out when the Red Elves turned a load of Gads against their own kind. Now she's breaking back in the get the weapons she once protected!
- She points the party in the direction of the central chamber, but says she needs to sit tight for now and go around disarming traps. Fair!
- We end with the party sharpening their steely knives... lot of meat on that there boar...

Total: 7000 exp

Treasure:
- The Lothario Blade - When wielded by a woman: +3 to hit men, -1 to hit women, 1d6 blast damage to all men in 20' on max damage or notch.

- Set of three anaesthetised bats.
- Locket of Acrimony

- Mysterious Scalpel

Foes:

- A Flitting Gad, turned into a snail then devoured. (100 exp)
Total: 100 exp

OOC:
Chronicler: Kitty
Expedition Leader, Chef, and Paymaster: Tom
Quartermaster and Vanguard: Ollie

Exp Totals:

- Ollie / Jojo Fullbeard, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 31888 (Level up at 36000)

- Kitty / Julian & Aximander, Level 3 Languid Wastrel: 8957 (Level up at 9000)

- Tom / Odo Grumblebelch, Level 3 Dwarven Barbarian: 5867 (Level up at 8000)

Level Up! +1d10 HP! +1 to Saves! +Lorebond! +Backstory

Session 343 - Loaded for Boar

Date: 23 May, 22 p.p.

Moon: Waxing Crescent - Clean Face

Zenith: Eris

New Characters:
- Shrub Junior, a Brackling related mysteriously to Shrub Nigeria on the moon. Their fruits are bananas, and they are shaped in a very odd pixelated manner related to their time in Fate's Matrix...

New Backstory:
- Aximander was gravely insulted and took the long circuitous Elvish route to get his revenge - a slow buildup of tiny slights and incredibly subtle social snubs that made his rival look both embarrassed and incredibly gauche. +1 Intelligence score.

Events:

--- Return to Splug

- On returning to the Goblin village of Splug after their failed attempt to get past the golems within the pyramid, the party discover that there is a great deal of controversy. Former guard captain Queezling insists that resisting the golems next time is a fool's errand since they can't rely on adventurers turning up next time, outspoken hobgoblin Horngus demands that the pyramid be covered off completely.
- Outside of town, near the moored flesh zeppelin Jonathon Toast, a lunar object crashes to the sludgey ground! Pulling itself from the impact site is... Shrub Jr! He immediately joins the party and is somehow trusted implicitly due to meme magic. He also gets some crab gear from the crab armorer.

--- Spike Time
- Given the lack of beef currently available to the party - a wizard, an elf, and a bananaman - they decide to check out the "marlingspike" they've been told about to the east. They go around the shiny metallic ferrofluid river and head in the direction of the spike. The terrain is oozy and gross, a sort of hardened muddy oobleck in which you start to sink if you stand still. Rock sticking out of the ooze is covered in colourful blooms of lichen, and a rainbow oilslick shimmer fills your footprints.
- Soon they see a bunch of people heading across their path from the north, white robes ooze-stained and white wiggly tails dangling from their sperm-shaped hats. It's some Zeanists! We thought they'd all died out years ago!
- Sydney steps forward as the face of the party, since Aximander is currently looking a bit too Elvish and Shrub Junior is well... Shrub Junior.
- It seems these Zeanists are fleeing their mushroom farm to the north after it was invaded by a winged boar! Shrub Junior latches onto this mushroom idea as a very swift resolution to his "go to earth, get high, leave" character goal. He suggests the Zeanists follow his tracks back west and seek refuge in Splug. Big pyramid, can't miss it!
- They thank the party and head off in that direction, the head priest saying that he'd be extremely grateful if someone can bring him a sack of the mycelium-rich substrate. The mushrooms are yours to do with as you please! Also watch out... Elves are abroad. Aximander pulls his hat down over his ears a little more.

--- Totemic
- They decide to check out this boar (and of course, the mushroom farm) and follow the Zeanists' directions. Low mountains loom to the north-east and they skirt the foothills heading for a mushroom forest.
- On the way, however, they find a mysterious totem pole carved with demon mask-faces. It leans from the wastes at an angle and gets taller and taller as they get closer. There is a shimmer of gold from the top.
- Aximander pokes the tower with his crab-spear and feels a jolt of energy go through him! He feels slightly less intelligent and slightly more wise. Curious.

- He's very curious about the shimmer at the top of the pole, so Sydney loans him his Cat Ring! Cat-Aximander ascends the pole as a rain begins to fall, and soon reaches the top with feline grace. There is a golden chalice up here, dripping the thinnest amount of milk into a bowl-shape cut into the top of the pole. He licks it. It's sweet!

- He bats it off the top and observes the bowl-shape it was in. There are phases of the moon drawn there with a demon's face where the full moon should be. Maybe they'll return then?

- Cat-Aximander drops from the top of the totem pole, lands neatly, and has his collar removed to turn him back into an Elf. Lovely!

--- Pig Egg
- They go into the mushroom forest, here mostly sprouting big portobello-style wide caps. Shrub Junior tries some, but they're both disgusting and inedible. Great.
- They follow the Zeanists' path around until they find the shattered tower they were told about. It is, indeed, a shattered tower, but it still stands! Big chunks of it have fallen away from the sides. There's no boar, but there are plenty of big white feathers in the mud. Arrayed around the tower is a fairly large campite, the tents ravaged.

- The party loots the camp, finding a book on Ur-Barakh, a vial of Bleed Poison, and a mushroom-based recipe for a Potion of Bounty.
- Inside the tower it's a mess - the boar has clearly scarfed up a load of mushrooms and left its feathers everywhere. Sydney grabs a sackful of feathers while Shrub Junior gathers a sack of the mycelium.
- Aximander finds a nest on the top floor of the tower and spots a pink and red-speckled egg in a nest of feathers! It's his now! Pig Egg acquired!

- From up here they can see an emaciated goat wandering around the camp. Another pet! Result! They run down and rope it before it can get away.

--- Hunting the Boar

- The trail the boar left is very obvious, seeing as it's leaving those white feathers everywhere. It goes into the mushroom forest and the party follow. Shrub Junior tries the mushrooms with taller caps and these are inedible too, but this time way too mushy.
- They hear squealing and crashing sounds, and carefully approach. It's the boar, charging at the mushrooms and smashing them up in a frenzy.
- Shrub Nigeria throws it a banana from his branches and the boar eyes it up. With a horrible tearing sound, a whole second jaw with a hawk beak snaps out of its pig mouth and grabs the banana!

- Shrub Nigeria coats another banana with Bleed poison, puts it in Sydney's alms bowl, and has Sydney's slime familiar carry it out. The hawk-jaw snaps out, devours the banana... and the boar starts spewing up blood!
- It dies in obvious agony.
- Sydney approaches and grabs the wings. They pull off horribly easily, leaving sweet-smelling wounds.
- A huge oink from overhead! Shrub Nigeria speaks pig, apparently, and knows that it's a mate-seeking call!
- They flee before the boar sees what happened to its partner, not to mention the egg!

---  Tyler's Orgiastic Return

- On their way back south, feeling pretty chuffed with their little adventure, and head back through some of the mushroom forest. There they come across a circle of standing stones. In the circle there are bowls with fresh hors d'oeurves and piles of soft bedding. Voices approach...
- Some goblins are walking in from the west, one in a pig mask and one in a bear mask. And with them... Tyler Lockheart! Where's he been? At the hairdresser, apparently.
- They mistake the party for orgy participants, to the visible confusion of at least Sydney. Can Goblins even have sex??
- In any case, they inform that they did indeed pass by a big spike on the way here and it was shimmering with rainbow hues.
- The party, uncomfortable, leave towards the spike. Tyler stays a while..

--- Sloth

- The mushroom forest gives way to foothills, then low mountains. It's fairly easy going after the sludgy wasteland.
- They crest a rise and look down into a shallow valley. At the bottom there's an enormous blue-masked demon covered in red vines!
- Julian cuts a vine and it spews black ichor... then starts writhing towards him! It's slow but steady, pulsing under the thorns.
- Sydney has a cunning plan - finally use Blight to kill all plants within a mile! She then realises that the goblin orgy will be affected from this distance... and Shrub Junior is also a plant. She has second thoughts about the plant nuke.
- She walks for about ten minutes to the south so that she's out of range of the orgy and Shrub Junior, then she'll cast it and kill all the vines!
- There she comes across a witch! The witch is cutting a pig's head, draws some dice from inside its skull, and invites Sydney to gamble with her...
- After losing some money to the witch, she gives some advice for free... the Blight spell will kill all the plants, but any that survive will hate Sydney for the rest of her days. Once again Sydney has second thoughts about the plant nuke.
- The witch also tells Sydney that the demon was stopped at great cost and bound with the red vines to stop it from destroying the world, so maybe don't free it?

- Aghast, Sydney returns to the demon with the witch in tow. Tyler immediately gambles sausages with her.
- New idea - drain the demon with their Atrametal weapons! Julian and Sydney drive their black blades into the demon's hide, evading strikes from the red vines as they do so!
- While the weapons charge, it's time to cook! They throw Ham, one of Shrub Junior's Bananas, old "Gambler's Sausage" from Tyler, Eye of Newt from the witch, and Mushroom into a pot and Sydney boils it up, creating a meal they call "Lucky Dip". It's... not bad!

- We end here since the pub is closing up. Next week... onwards to the spike?

Total: 8000 exp

Treasure:

- Mushroom-based instructions to brew Potion #290 - Potion of Bounty

- Book #117 - "Ur-Barakh, City by the Undersea" (100 exp)

- Bag of feathers
- Bag of drug mushroom mycelium
Total: 100 exp

Enemies Defeated:
- A half-dead winged boar (100 exp)
- A vine-covered demon, probably (1500 exp)

Total: 1600 exp

OOC:
- Chronicler - Carter

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Sydney, Level 6 Magic-User: 54472 (Level up at 72000)

- James G / Tyler Lockheart, Level 6 Specialist: 26554 (Level up at 48000)

- Kitty / Julian & Aximander, Level 3 Languid Wastrel: 6490 (Level up at 9000)

- Charles / Shrub Junior, Level 1 Banana Brackling: 1695 (Level up at 2000)

Session 342 - Magnificent Sbeven

Date: 16 May, 22 p.p.

Moon: Waning Gibbous - Dragonside

Zenith: The Allfather

New Backstory:
- Strangers from another LARP in Fate tried to join Julian's game, but he scared them away. +1 Strength Score.

Events:

--- Preamble

- The party discusses how they're going to deal with these big golems that live in the pyramid and come out every so often to extort food and booze from the inhabitants of the goblin settlement of Splug.

- While the others get to work planning, Philipides (aka Poison Phil) persuades some of the inhabitants to trade places with the crew of the airship, hoping that they'll be able to kickstart some sort of monetary system at the very least. He also investigates potential trade routes back to the wheatlands - crossing the sludgy bloody mud of the Deeprush's riverbed will need some specialised transport via the big crabs (?) they saw on the flight over. He sends the airship Jonathon Toast off to the Wheatlands to get some food and beer as an offering to the golems.
- Julian asks about crab-based weapons, and lo and behold there's a crab-based armourer in town! He's Joseph Crabman and he's happy to make some armour. He's slightly baffled when asked about payment, why would he charge someone for something they need?
- While convenient, this is symptomatic of a greater problem - Julgoor's greed-powered fast travel system doesn't work without capitalism. Maybe he can bodge together something with mercantilism, but that's the minimum. How are they going to get these gobbos to accept a free market??
- Julian's atrametal knife is damaged, so he stabs a random goblin! Other goblins freak out and flee, but watching hobgoblins are mollified when it turns out it was necessary to fix the knife. They all kind of share their goblin minions and make more if necessary so it's not a huge deal. They also mention that they cull their bud-goblins occasionally because there have been problems with the minions getting infected with the Idea of Thorns.
- Sydney does some favours for the town while the armour is getting made, like digging latrines and recolouring houses with his spells. He also climbs the pyramid to get the lay of the land, and in the mountains in the north spots man-sized figures flying about. Vampires?
- The moon progresses to a New Moon while they wait, and the elf-soul Aximander soon takes over Julian's body. He casts his new spell Reknit Essence on himself, and becomes stronger but clumsier. Interesting. This does burn off his mana though, and Julian finds himself with a confusingly different body!
- They realise Sbeven the Golem has gone home into the pyramid at some point.

--- Ambush
- The airship returns with a supply of beer and wheat, hurrah! It's time to plan an ambush.
- Since these golems have to come out of the pyramid to punish the inhabitants in the case of a missed offering, it's time to plan an ambush! 

- The sky is clear on the day of the ambush, and the party get to work drawing runes to push away the cloud of dust that comes with the golems, and a pit created by a Transform-Air glyph. Jojo is granted some "willing" bud-goblins as sacrifice fodder, and Sydney preps his Hallucinatory Terrain spell which he likes to use to turn an area into the surface of the sun. Amimander uses his moon-gained Magic Aura to enchant his crab-spear.
- They wait... and wait. The day drags on. The sun beats down until finally slipping below the horizon.
- At sundown they hear Sbeven's voice echoing out over the town, saying "hey where's the beer??". The townfolk assembled cry, "there is no beer!"
- The golems attack! Bursting from the building in front of the pyramid in a dust storm!
- Sydney casts his terrain, blinding pretty much everybody! A rock trap is triggered at the top of the pyramid, sending rubble crashing down over the attackers! Sbeven lets out a cry of "Bonathon! No!" as a golem is crushed!
- Jojo sacrifices the goblins and casts Summon, bringing forth a beast from chaos itself! It's made of shadow and swirls down at the crushed Bonathon, ripping his shadow to shreds!
- The other golems flee and fall back, abandoning the corpse of their beloved brother Bonathon.

--- Ewok Party
- A grand bonfire is built in the square and the goblins and various other inhabitants celebrate! The party loot Bonathon's body and find a bunch of old tax receipts in his bag, partially singed.

- Later in the night, they hear a sound from the rock pile that crushed Bonathon. It's Sbeven, trying to bring the corpse back inside. Phillipides shoots one of Sbeven's three heads and tells him to fuck off, which he does.

--- Into the Pyramid
- After a long night of celebration and feasting, the party regroup. It's time to enter the pyramid!
- The moon has waned fully into a New Moon. Aximander is at his strongest!
- They enter the pyramid whose entrance is very much unguarded. Within they find it hollow. Circuitboard channels and vaccuum tubes line the inside, and muddy footprints lead to a smaller pyramid within. The air thrums with static.
- The entrance is behind a giant stone portcullis hinged at the top so it swings. It's very heavy.
- Jojo casts one of her new spells - Grape Change! She transforms into a grape and is tossed through the bars of the portcullis, transforming back on the other side.
- There doesn't seem to be a way to raise it from this side, and there's the sound of snoring from ahead...
- She investigates along the corridor... and the ground gives way beneath her! It's a pit trap! A loud gong rings and the floor crumbles! Thankfully she has Web prepped and webs herself to the side of the pit before she falls the full 20ish ft to the corpse-strewn floor below!
- "FEE FI FO FUM!" a big voice booms, and a golem with a huge nose emerges from the huge door at the other end! He's swiftly followed by two more giant guards, one with huge eyes and one with huge ears!

--- Giant Mess
- Jojo blasts Blinding Beams at the one with big eyes, blinding him! Aximander gets between a torch and the giant, extending his shadow out to meet the giant's shadow... the shadows start chatting.
- Jojo climbs out while the golems start throwing rocks. Jojo is hit by one rock which explodes into a cloud of dirt, while the other hits the portcullis and makes it swing open! The next rock, slung by Big Ears, crits her and sends her flying out the open gate!
- The golems laugh and summon more projectiles, big clods of dirt forming into heavy chunks of hard mud.
- Sydney casts his Slippery Slope spell, which projects all the way along the corridor and under the golems! They're not expecting this, and slip-slide swiftly towards the pit!
- Aximander stabs one a they slide in and fall into the pit... which is conveniently tall enough for them to stand up in and reach over the top! It's like they planned to not accidentally kill themselves in a trapped thoroughfare!
- Jojo shoots the Big Eyes Guy in the eyes and he dies! "Not Babriel!" cries a golem!
- The other two golems are willing to talk to save their lives, and Aximander bargains with the giant under a True Name Oath. His arcane smooth talking winkles the giant's True Name out of him for the price of his life, and they make an oath - the party will be allowed to leave so long as Julian Polidorus never returns.
- Julian's true name, crucially. Aximander is, after all, not Julian.
- The party withdraws, somewhat damaged by the ordeal. As they leave they see the surviving giants dragging the body of Babriel from the pit and begin taking him apart...

Total: 6000 exp

Foes Defeated:
- Two giants, Bonathon and Babriel. (1500 exp)
Total: 1500 exp

OOC:
- Chronicler & Cartographer: Carter
- Expedition Leader: George
- Paymaster & Chef: Kitty
- Quartermaster & Vanguard: Ollie

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Sydney, Level 6 Magic-User: 52677 (Level up at 72000)

- Ollie / Jojo Fullbeard, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 29321 (Level up at 36000)

- George / Poison Phil, Level 5 Fighter: 17288 (Level up at 32000)

Level Up! +1d8 HP! +1 to Hit! +1 to Crit! +2 to Saves! +Backstory!

- Kitty / Julian & Aximander, Level 3 Languid Wastrel: 4795 (Level up at 9000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! +2 to Saves! +Backstory!

Session 341 - The City of the Pyramid

Date: 9 May, 22 p.p.

Moon: Waxing Crescent - Dragonside

Zenith: The Lady

New Characters:

- Julian & Aximander - a painter possessed by Aximander, the elf-soul of a Languid Wastrel, who takes more control of their shared body as the magic builds...

- Philippides Goath - not truly a new character, but a returning one! It's Poison Phil! He survived the wastes!

New Backstory:
- Historically the Saxon Invasion refers to a single Saxon - Swan the Swift! His rage destroyed Kent, and so he rages no more. +1 vs Unconsciousness rolls.

Events:

--- BEAMing down to Splug
- The party peers down at the great pyramid from the air, floating ominously in the sky in their enormous living airship. The ship shivers blissfully as a summer storm soothes its sunburnt flanks.
- Flowing out from the pyramid is a black metallic river of something like tar, explicitly not like the Cruor they found inside Fortress-City Fate. Some silver craft scuds along it, heading out from the ramshackle goblin village that sprawls by the pyramid.

- The crew of the Jonathon Toast adjust the control nipples and bring the airship closer to the village. A number of distant figures begin running out to greet them! Mostly green, but some of human skin tones.
- Coming out from under the clouds, the air becomes clammy, and the walls of the airship start to sweat.
- Odo Grumblebelch, employee of the Grumblebelch Co. of Mt Grumblebelch, suggests using the BEAM system to reach the ground. With no goblins in the crew to act as a negotiator, Jojo uses her new Transform Elf spell to turn Julian into a goblin. Convenient! He declares that if anyone asks, his name is Styx. "I'm a dude possessed by a dude disguised as another dude!".
- The large bucket is duly lowered, and the away team reaches ground level.

- The goblins are in awe, it's a miracle! A whole load of meat for them to eat! What a beautiful gift! Julian tries his level hobgoblin-shaped best to dissuade them, and finds out that these are the downtrodden villagers who are forced to grant offerings of food and mushroom beer to the Great Globbos who live in the pyramid. Failure to deliver means a dust storm comes in the night, and in the morning some of their number are gone. Huge footprints are the only thing left behind.
- In the village behind, more goblins in solid mushroom-based armour seem to be setting up defences. These are, so the goblins say, the enforcers of the Great Globbos' will.

--- The Return of Poison Phil

- Also in the ragtag crowd are several humans, twice as tall as the Goblins around them. One of them is none other than Poison Phil! Back once again! Now going by his true name of Philipiddes Goath, he has returned just in time to see Swan the Swift leave to return to the Wheatlands. Sensing a deep kinship, Swan grants him a revolver and many to start the Drudge Wastes Wheatlands Co. A windfall indeed!
- Further questioning gets them some info beyond the pyramid tributes. There's also a big spike to the east that arrived a month ago, and in the middle of the goop river there's a mysterious brick well. Also a Ratman has some issues with giant rats in his basement.

- Dave the Human offers to help the party enter the village of Splug by telling the guards that everything's fine, which works! The guards, who had assumed the arrival of the horrible meat airship was a prelude to attack, are quite relieved actually.
- The Captain of the Gobbo Guard, Captain Gobbulus, greets them at the rapidly constructed barricade and demands they put their arms and armour away. The party acquiesce and put everything in the animated rewind clock which dances and sings behind Sydney. It's been there the whole time.
- He also seizes Odo's sword and declares that he'll hold onto it for now.

--- The Great Gobbos
- "Take us to your leader", says the party that have just BEAMed down from an airship! The captain duly does so.
- On the way they witness a silver vehicle tied up at a dock over the black river. The river is some sort of ferrofluid ooze, and the vehicle's hydrofoil design keeps it above the goop.
- Jojo casts Leg End Lore on a massive footprint she sees on the way - evidence of whatever comes and seizes goblins if they don't offer tribute to the pyramid. She sees a vision of a huge foot, brown mud swimming through the friction ridges, hangnail evident on the big toe. What could it be??
- Captain Gobbulus tells them that they can only ask a single question of each Great Gobbo, and ushers them into their sanctum.
- They are shown through a big thick curtain into a dark room in a dodgy building built against a huge crack running down the pyramid. Looming from the darkness are three goblin-shaped statues - one with a huge nose, one with huge ears, and one with huge eyes.
- Odo and Julian immediately do the thing where they waste all the questions by asking questions among themselves, completely naturally too! The statues laugh and give them three more questions.
- They ask the Ear Globbo what it's heard of the big spike out to the east. It says it's a Marlingspike, an ancient device only recently activated by creatures from beyond this planet!
- They ask the Nose Globbo what it knows about the creatures that come from inside the pyramid. It says they smell earthy.
- They ask the Eye Globbo what they would see if they could see into the darkness behind the statues... and it says "US!" and bursts out of the gloom! It's an enormous three-headed giant, each head with a different huge facial feature, and it attacks the party for their insolence!

--- Against the Giant
- Phillipides downs a Potion of Goblin Control and commands the giant to stop... but it's not a goblin! Alas!
- Odo jumps off a Globbo statue and starts climbing the giant, poking the Eye Head's eye!

- Julian reveals a hidden dagger and crits the giant, stunning it for the round!
- Jojo punches the floor and casts Earthcake, turning the ground beneath the giant into chocolate lava cake! It's delicious, and like quicksand!
- Sydney's living clock dances around, singing and distributing weapons!
- Odo wrestles the giant and forces it down into the cake! It's tasty!
- Sydney tries to cast a spell but it goes awry and his jaw turns (temporarily) to rocks and crystal teeth. He can only eat rocks and gems now! Cake cake everywhere, and not a bite to eat.
- Julian is dual-wielding an Atrametal Knife and a paint scraper, but fumbles and harms both! We establish that the atrametal means the knife can heal itself in addition to dealing charisma damage.
- Odo whacks one of the giants' ears over and over with his spiked helmet, so it grabs him and chucks him at the others! Odo goes flying, barreling through Phillipedes and Jojo and rolling out the curtain into the street outside!
- Outside, Odo starts a slapstick battle with Captain Gobbulus over who gets to keep the sword. Inside, Sydney slips and falls face-first into the cake.
- Phil shoots the giant with his revolver, and the giant capitulates.
- Outside Odo is in a rage and nearly dying, and until Jojo bursts out and annihilates the goblin Captain with a crit! The other guard goblins surrender immediately! Unfortunately Odo's rage can't be stopped with a mere kill, and it takes another murder to make him calm back down.

--- Giant Mysteries
- The giant's name is Sbeven Golem, as it turns out, and his kind live within the pyramid after being sent to destroy it long ago. He's clearly got something in common with the stone sons that the Dwarves of Ur-Kalladh have instead of biological sons, what with being a mix of stone and flesh and living earth.
- The hollow pyramid captures latent energies, and it's this that empowers him and also repels the worst of the poison around here. That's why the village outside sprung up - you didn't explode into poison during the long toxic years after the world almost ended.
- He also mentions that the giant golems form unbreakable bonds with their True Names, which they never give to outsiders. Or almost never... as Aximander takes control of Julian's body and uses his Wastrel powers on the golem. The giant's true name is Harom-Kabosh.
- We end the session here... mere moments before the party decides whether to descend into the pyramid itself...

Total: 6000 exp


Foes Defeated:
- The giant golem Sbeven Golem (750 exp)
- Several goblin guards (30 exp)
Total: 780 exp

OOC:

- Chronicler and Cartographer - Carter
- Expedition Leader - George
- Paymaster and Vanguard - Tom

- Quartermaster - Ollie

- Chef - Kitty

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Sydney, Level 6 Magic-User: 50782 (Level up at 72000)

- Ollie / Jojo Fullbeard, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 27426 (Level up at 36000)

- George / Poison Phil, Level 4 Fighter: 15493 (Level up at 16000)

- Tom / Odo Grumblebelch, Level 2 Dwarven Barbarian: 3200 (Level up at 4000)
Level Up! +1d10HP! +1 to Saves! +Lorebond! +Backstory!

- Kitty / Julian & Aximander, Level 2 Languid Wastrel: 2900 (Level up at 4500)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Backstory!

Session 340 - Set Fleshy Sail for the Pyramid!

Date: 25 April, 22 p.p.

Moon: First Quarter

Zenith: The Dead God

New Characters:
- Odo Grumblebelch, a "Dwarfbarian" on loan from the Mt Grumblebelch Co.

New Backstory:
- Grumblebelch was tragically left behind by his Dwarven outcast clan because he was slowing them down, and they abandoned him behind them. +1 to Fleeing rolls of allies ahead of you

New Mentors:
- Dorian has retired to become the owner of a Wyvern Sanctuary, breeding wyverns to make sure this rare creature takes to the skies once more! Mentor Power: Great contortionist - can basically squeeze through ludicrously small gaps.

- Grumblebelch has retired to create a new Dwarven hall and mining conglomerate in the mountains to the west. Mentor Power: Get Out of Blender Free Card - Escape a very obviously telegraphed death, once.

Events:

--- Jonathon Toast Comes in Clutch
- Some time has passed the destruction of Shub-Wizardwrath, and the dramatic nature of the intervening time is too dramatic to detail here.
- Suffice to say that the great symbiotic wizard combination was destroyed, the great fleshy airship named Jonathon Toast made its way round to the underside of Fortress-City Fate, and the party were rescued from the mechanical depths.

- They've been living the high life since, regaling the many LARPers of Fate with their tales of derring-do in the underworld.

- Notably the airship is now fully staffed. There's a little shop staffed by none other than the gold-masked demon Julgoor! He will be able to do all the usual buying and selling of a small town, plus he's got the access to the Gardens of Ynn that can be used to fast-travel between settlements!
- The requirements for access are twofold - a society that enforces free markets and private property under a capitalist mode of production... and a garden. Shrubberies are presumably a must!
- Julgoor also acts as a bank, since he is after all the ultimate source of the Obol-backed Debt Tattoos and the drug-peg that keeps them valuable. Swan sends money back home.

--- Down to Business
- Hyped up by all this talk of capital accumulation, Grumblebelch puts his vast fortune to work by founding Mt Grumblebelch Co. in the mountains west of Mt Death Frost. Strike the earth!

- Sydney spends their time working on some interesting new spells in the downtime, creating such stuff as Recolour, Animate Furnishing, and Control Zed.
- Jojo, inspired by Gimblewang's dyslexic spells, creates wonders such as Polymorph Elf and Earthcake.

- Swan the Swift opens up the Wheatlands Neo Spacedin Branch near the crashed spaceship in the shattered Dino-Dome, the serfs made up of savage human survivors and their loyal Mod Con allies. Finally, an alternative to poorly cooked pizza!

--- Bertha Returns!
- The party are called to the Sciotherico palace at the centre of Fate, it's once-bustling halls of penitent actuaries empty and silent.
- In the throne room the de facto rulers of Fate are gathered around a table that is clearly a repurposed miniatures game used to resolve some LARP-related conflict. In the absence of any real ruler, the people who'd been roleplaying Fate's rulers have been thrust into power!
- The inhabitants of Fate are, after all, simply sleeved copies of minds that were backed up into Fate during Styx's tenure. It's a long story, but basically it's the Matrix in the data stacks and those who want to live in the real world are sleeved into demon-clay bodies. They spend their time LARPing because they can't leave.

- More interestingly, Bertha has arrived! The Vampire Queen of Mt Death Frost is worried because her frenemy and sometime co-ruler of the vampires Cyrus has attached himself to the Darga and is now some sort of god-figure to the mutant nosferatu. Help killing him would be appreciated.

- She's also super interested in the POWERLAD novels collected by Swan and Dorian! She buys them at a fine price.
- Given that the Fate datastacks remain unfixed, the uploaded minds are slowly but surely being lost. The solution - uploaded minds are being incarnated!
- Most are being reformed into real actual fleshy beings from the flesh-sludge that remains of Shub-Wizardwrath, assisted by the Unravelled priests down there. They're pretty chill now that they're no longer under the wizard-boss' influence.
- A smaller contingent are being Remade into metal golem bodies with help from a certain family of fire robots from deep below. They call themselves the Firehearts.

- Grumblebelch works out a trade network between his mines, Bertha's undead, and Swan's Wheatlands. The Wheatlands will supply bread and beer to the mines and clean blood to Bertha's vampires. In exchange the mines get skeleton labour and the Wheatlands get stone for building on the rotting Meatlands and gems for a monetary system! It's a trade network baby!

--- Rumours, finally!

- "There's a place called New Moondin to the south that's protected by an energy shield and was completely untouched by the poison and the thorns! It's a miraculous place where they never even noticed the end of days!"
- "There's an insane version of Styx who lives in a huge tree north of the Dharga, surrounded by a thousand thousand iterations of himself which he keeps as slaves! He wants nothing more than to upload to Fate's mainframe and retake control... which is sure to disappoint him if it ever happens because Fate is completely broken."
- "A noble dragon as big as mountains roams the Drudge Wastes. Make sure not to wear metal around him, it offends him, and his legion of electric ghosts will eat it from your very body!"
- "The vampires that feasted upon the Dharga have become strange and mutated Nosferatu motherfuckers, and now they control the Dharga itself!"
- "A Styx iteration is burrowing into Fate's machinery and will soon activate the robots that will reset the whole place! They'll wipe everything and kill everyone who lives down there!"

--- Final Checks

- Dorian takes the wyvern eggs and sets up the Wyvern Sanctuary down on the savannah below Fate, eating one of the eggs first to absorb a Wyvern's maternal instincts.

- Grumblebelch heads off to begin mining in his new business venture, bringing at least seven freshly incarnated Dwarves with him.
- Some days later, his successor arrives! It is Odo of the Grumblebelches (Odo Grumblebelch for short) who is a worker in the Mt Grumblebelch Co located under Mt Grumblebelch under the management of Grumblebelch, and he worships the Old Grump. He's also more Barbarian than Dwarf.

--- Liftoff!

- With Admin Adventures over, the crew of the good ship Jonathon Toast unmoor and sail off into the sky! A summer storm rains against the taut sunburnt skin of the meaty airship, internal bladders full of extremely flammable lighter-than-air gas, and crewed largely by a bunch of people the party's never met under the aegis of Jonathon Toast's central brain!
- They float towards the ziggurat they saw on the map long ago, and from here they can spot the ramshackle goblin town that's grown up around it. More distantly they can see a high-walled and blimp-topped city... and roaming the wastelands is an enormous blue dragon wreathed in machinery and storms.

- Onwards into the Drudge Wastes!

Exp: 7000 exp

OOC:

- Chronicler: Carter

- Expedition Leader: George

- Paymaster & Vanguard: Tom

- Quartermaster: Ollie

Retired:

- Dorian "Ditto" DeMone
- Grumblebelch

Exp Calc:

- George / Swan the Swift, Level 8 Barbarian: 128560 (Level up at 256000)
Level Up! +1d8 HP! +2 Barbarian Powers! +1 to Saves! +Backstory!

- Carter / Sydney, Level 6 Magic-User: 49182 (Level up at 72000)

- Ollie / Jojo Fullbeard, Level 5 Muscle Wizard: 25926 (Level up at 36000)

- Tom / Odo Grumblebelch, Level 1 Dwarven Barbarian: 1600 (Level up at 2000)

- Kitty / Julian Aximander, Level 1 Languid Wastrel: 1400 (Level up at 2250)