Session 234 - Storm the Seraphim, They Can't Stop All of Us!

Ambushed by angels on the approach to the crashed Seraphim, it takes all of the party's resources to survive! Now with a ton of valuable angels, and a captured live angel, they're in the money!

Carter's latest map

Boy Grumpy ran a long way!

Tom sends a picture of the dearly departed from afar

Ollie sends this badass picture of Andromeda!

We also receive more foreign correspendence courtesy of the Red Letter...

The Fated Union John Borrisson, Politics Editor They say that travel in foreign parts broadens the mind, I say it only upsets the stomach and thins the wallet. I mean, what is the point of foreignness when we already have the greatest nation on Earth back in New Moondin. However, let it not be said that I am not occasionally willing to listen to the godless outsiders when they stumble upon a good idea. I am of course talking about the legendary Fortress City of Fate, which lately this reporter passed by on something of a walking tour. Fate has everything that New Moondin needs in an immigration policy, and quite right too. A gleaming, shining, solid wall of glass which is impenetrable by any normal means. Inside however, was a sight to rival the green fields of New Moondin, but as we remember if from our childhoods before unchecked immigration ruined everything. Now far be it for me to say that I am on the side of the so called “Fated Union", in fact I say F you to the F.U. New Moondin has a proud history of independence and does not need to be ruled by brussels sprout bureaucrats. New Moondin is its own proud nation, and we need to take our country back. However, the so called “Fated Wall" is a great idea. Keep out the undesirables, check the relentless immigration, focus on our own citizens. Without this relentless tide of foreigners (some of whom, I'm sure, are good people) dragging down our social services we can finally begin making New Moondin great again for New Moondiners. The city of Fate has shown just what can be achieved with a strong immigration policy, a veritable Eden (with whom we will soon have a brilliant new trade deal outside the FU). I am talking about a future for the real New Moondiners, us born and raised here. Not the swarms of Ratmen coming in from our borders, or the colonies of Elves who only come to New Moondin to suck up welfare, and let us no forget the green issue. Now do not get me wrong, I am in no way an anti-goblinist, goblin society has produced some wonderful things, but enough is enough and there is no way we are going to live under Styxia Law! Just look at what happened with Salisburgh and the unchecked immigration from Enoch, or the swarms coming in from Prepperton just to live on benefits. Now is the time to take back New Moondin for the New Moondiners. Now is the time to reclaim our culture. Now is the time to build our own glass wall, and the fallow shall pay for it! [Submitted posthumously, John Borrisson was eaten by a bear outside the fortress city of Fate. He is survived by his six children, two ex-wives, and one current mistress]

Session 234 - Storm the Seraphim, They Can’t Stop All of Us!

Date:
15 years after the End.

March 

Characters:

Murders:
- 2 boss angels (2000 exp)
- 3 walker angels (300 exp)
- 16 base angels (800 exp)
Total: 3100 exp

Salvage:
- 1 Angel captured alive (1000 exp)
- 13 relatively intact dead angels (6500 exp)
- 7 angels-worth of valuable smashed angel parts (700 exp)
Total: 8200 exp

Events:

--- Spring Rebuild Phase: Prepperton Expands
- We have a quick aside to the Rebuild Phase which we skipped last week. It’s the first time Damnation Snels has been in direct control since coming to power, and he mysteriously funnels most of New Moondin’s resource output into Prepperton.

- New Moondin gains a satellite village to the north - the Pod Farms are a success! It counts as a free Farm tile.

--- March Expedition Day 2: Lazy Tuesday
- After last night’s horrible experience in the rain, the party sleeps through the morning of the 8th until the early afternoon.
- They wake up to find that the Witchfound Captain has cooked because he apparently doesn’t sleep. He calls the dish a “Hobgobsub” due to its Long Potato content, and eating it fortifies you against poison. Not bad!
- On a clear day the Storm Shell is practically invisible, and they can see clearly through to the crashed dropship Seraphim beyond. Sixteen Angels in brass sphere mode roll around the outside in two contra-rotating circles. The dead angels scattered across the nearby area are gone, presumably gathered and repaired.

--- Angel Baiting
- Andromeda and Snels approach the area to see what happens. Last time they were here, the angels didn’t attack Clerics on sight.
- Unfortunately this seems to have changed. The angels on patrol stop rolling around the Seraphim and the four in line of sight turn to face the pair. Snels understands their singing language, and hears them sing, “ - Enemy Troops Spotted - - 0 High Priority Targets - - 2 Total - “

- Snels tries to tell them that they have a code-phrase to deliver - the one that the Witchfound Captain has burned into his head - but when he approaches the angels designate him a high-priority target and pursue!
- The group jogs back towards the Storm Shell, pursued by angels. At a certain point the angels reach their range limit and turn back. They won’t pursue forever!
- A second attempt is made to scope out the angels’ orders. Andromeda, Snels and DJ, all Clerics, stand at different points around the Seraphim outside of the angel’s scanning range. They advance at the same time and watch as the angels get a bit confused - whoever’s closest has 4 angels stop and scan them, the other 12 stack up on the opposite side of the Seraphim.
- They keep singing out the “Enemy Troops Spotted” phrase each time they scan. Snels asks why he’s designated an enemy, and the angels reply that being a non-angel lifeform overrides the usual “don’t attack lawful” protocol. It buffer overflows a bit and tells him that the orders are now “Lawful: Attack if approached. Neutral: Attack. Chaotic: Attack and Pursue”.
- DJ tries to draw the angels away from the entrance by approaching into range and running away, but that doesn’t work because he’s Lawful.
- A plan is concocted. Grumpy is chunky enough that he can take a few hits, so they’ll have the Witchfound Captain cast a spell on him to make him register as Chaotic, then he’ll lead the angels away on a merry chase!

--- Botched Infiltration
- It works! The Witchfound Captain casts Algor Mortis on Grumpy, and when he gets in range the angels designate him a high priority target and pursue! It seems that Dwarves are indeed natural sprinters, for Grumpy swiftly outruns the angels and keeps them at a reasonable kiting distance.

- The others make their move, running under the great petal-like wing of the dropship Seraphim and towards the entrance into its innards.
- Alas, they don’t look up. Stasis beams scythe down from above as the upgraded angels on the ceiling open fire! The four of them are packed close to protect the Witchfound Captain in their midst, and Snels takes the brunt of it.

- Worse, there is a deep singing voice from inside the Seraphim itself. Bright beams lance out from the darkness from a boss-tier angel within! Snels barely avoids it, the blast sizzling past his head.
- Snels pulls out a pair of pistols and returns fire - drawing on the mad miracle of the Snelsmen religion to send the shots straight into the wing-cannons of the boss angel! The cannons are destroyed, a mighty gambit!
- DJ slaps Snels’ arse encouragingly, bringing his HP back up, and Andromeda sprints past with her lightning hammer on full charge! She smashes into the staggered boss angel, doing massive damage with a blow to the central eye and stunning it with built up shock damage!
- The Witchfound Captain runs inside, hiding from the turret angels under the wing. One of the angels suffers a malfunction to a wing cannon while firing on Snels - God is truly on his side! DJ gets blasted by the others to great effect.
- Grumpy, still kiting the angels, sees the rest of the patrolling angels rolling in towards the entrance! He tacks in to pull aggro and most of the angels pursue him.

- Inside the Seraphim, Andromeda bodies the boss angel and smacks her hammer right into its eye! Its smashed to pieces, metal bits scattering across the ground. She grins and turns to the others… and outside they hear an angel sing, “Ophanim Destroyed -- Request Upgrade”.

--- It Gets Worse!
- They peek out from inside the Seraphim and watch as a walker angel drops from the ceiling and unfolds into another boss angel! The other walkers drop with it, except for the one with a broken wing cannon that got its foot caught in the drop-cradles overhead.
- They see the beam-equipped angels fire at Grumpy, doing heavy damage. Luckily he’s a hardy boy! This is bad though - if they shoot at him with impunity he’ll go down quick.
- Andromeda runs out, past the boss angel, and calls forth a miracle for Grumpy! She sends him a chunk of her health, a great crackling line of plasma connects the two of them, and the angels that he’s managed to get into a straight line are zapped! Most of them die in a single powerful blow!
- Snels and the Witchfound Captain book it out from under the wing and make a break for the Storm Shell. They can’t stop all of us!

- DJ breathes in a big cloud of miraculous smoke from his ball-peen bong, holds it, steps outside the entrance, and breathes it aaall out in a big relaxing mist. The boss angel chills, the walker angels chill, it’s aaaall good.
- Andromeda heals herself back up while the mist makes violence impossible for a while, then walks out of the radius and heal-blasts the angels again when Grumpy lines them up. Kiting for fun and profit!
- With only two angels left, Grumpy turns to attack! The angels pop up onto their spindly legs, manifesting massive hammers. He misses the first blow, as does DJ when he runs out to support. Grumpy’s angel steps forward to attack, and he runs it through with the white-hot blade of his glaive!

- The other one attacks DJ and he dabs away, avoiding the blow. Andromeda whangs it with her hammer and DJ finally hits something with the ball-peen bong! The angel staggers, Andromeda follows up and the angel is shattered!

- At a distance, the Witchfound Captain fires on the boss angel! It gets the angel good, but breaks the chill zone and unleashes the cannons! The boss angel returns fire, blasting off his hand at the bony wrist!
- With the chill zone down, DJ chugs a potion and finds himself extremely stoked to cook a delicious meal. Not what he was after. Nearby Grumpy takes a ton of beam damage - they prioritise Chaotic targets and he’s the only one in range of the walkers!
- Damnation Snels charges the boss angel out of nowhere! He runs along the wall, kicks off… and falls on his bad hip. Dude’s getting old! Beams blast off his breather helm, alas.

- There is a distant cry of “God shall destroy the abomination!” as the Witchfound Captain fires a pistol at the angels with his good hand. The pistol explodes! The Witchfound Captain goes on fire, burning to death, cackling heartily as he is consumed! God has a sense of humour!
- Andromeda heals a grateful Grumpy and DJ chugs another potion. It tastes like raw meat, but this is a good one! He grows extremely strong, his ball-peen goes all veiny, and he runs in towards the last surviving angels! There’s the only new boss angel and a few walkers left, they can do it!

- Using his insane strength, he tears the whole wing-petal off of the Seraphim and throws it hundreds of feet through the air! The walker angel that caught its leg on the drop-cradles is chucked away with it!

- This is it - the last of the angels. The Clerics are out of Faith and Healing, the Witchfound Captain is dead, and everyone’s a bit battered and beaten… but if they kill these last ones they can take all that sweet loot away and prevent the angels fixing them!
- DJ charges at the boss angel and with his great strength compresses the whirling and sphere-fragments back into an orb! The angel’s singing voice whines horribly as it’s crammed back down.
- The last of the walkers are finished off as DJ crushes the angel and wraps it tightly with rope to stop it popping back open. They’ve got a live one!

--- Cleanup Crew

- The party sets about looting what they can get from the corpses of the shattered angels, and with DJ’s strength they roll the relatively unscathed angel corpses back to their camp. Damnation Snels loots the Witchfound Captain’s body on the way, and has a concerning wobble in his faith as he contemplates the idea that maybe Undead aren’t necessarily bad…

- The sun is on the horizon as they get back to camp. DJ can feel the urge to cook from the potion wearing off, so he speedily puts a meal together! He slaps together chicken, bread, frazzlejack, long potato and mushrooms to create the absolutely loaded OG Chicken Burger. It’s a winner - boosting healing rates and healing stat damage at peak deliciousness!

- They settle down to rest as the sun sets and clouds roll in. The Storm Shell crackles softly and there is a distant rumble of thunder - the Warning is on its way.

Total: 2100 exp

Team Bonus:
- Balls to the Wall bonus
- Best of Intentions bonus
- Better Part of Valour bonus
- Brutal Kill bonus
- Classic Charles bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus
- Dramatic Rescue bonus
- Enmity Inciter bonus
- Heresy bonus
- Holy bonus
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus
- Kill It With Fire bonus
- Masterchef bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Rebuild bonus
- Tactical Fighting bonus
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus
Total: 850 exp

Individual Bonus:
- Chronicler (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Charles / DJ - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Vanguard (George / Snels - 100 exp)
- Triage (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Chef (Henry / - - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Henry, Charles, Kitty - 500 exp ea.)
- Chippo Champion bonus (Carter*2 - 100 exp ea.)
- Art Attack bonus (Charles, Carter, Ollie, George - 100 exp ea.)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles, Carter - 100 exp)
- Attacco d’Arte bonus (Ollie, George - 100 exp)
- Amputation bonus (Henry’s Next Character - 100 exp)
- Near Death Experience bonus (DJ, Damnation Snels - 100 exp ea.)
- Death’s Witness bonus (All but Henry’s Next Character - 100 exp ea.)
- Amusing Death bonus (Henry’s Next Character - 500 exp)

Death Toll:
- The Witchfound Captain, burned to death when his pistol exploded in his hand!

Exp Totals:
- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 6 Laddite Cleric: 35460 (Level up at 56000)

- Charles / Dustin Johnson, Level 6 Intergalacticist Cleric: 30610 (Level up at 56000) Level up: +1d6 HP! +1d6 Healing Pool! +1 Starting Faith! +Backstory!

- George / Praise-God-For-He-Gave-His-Only-Son-So-That-We-Might-Be-Saved-From-Damnation Snels, Level 5 Snelsman Cleric: 27206 (Level up at 28000)

- Carter / Granite "Grumpy" Ironjaw, Level 5 Grudgesmith Dwarf: 20217 (Level up at 35200) Level up: +1d10 HP! +Lorebond! +Backstory!

- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +3950 exp