Tuesday 28 September 2021

Session 300 - Attack on Meatvangelion

Date: July 9th, 14 p.p.
Moon: Waxing Crescent
Zenith: Alaunus


New Characters:
- Tez the Barbarian - an extremely dilligent Elf Inspector with cold iron weapons and a lust for elf-slaying.
- Noobit the mighty Dwarf - a Doomsayer completely vindicated by the end of the world.


Events:

--- Planning a Heist
- A dim light hangs above a table in a dark and meaty room. On the table is a map. It shows the above-ground buildings of the Meat Mech Hangar complex, the place our team must infiltrate in order to steal a Meat Mech for the next stage of the heist. Standing in the darkness is Medium Baz, once and future bent copper and current heist planner.
- Why is he here? Well, he just so heard through the grapevine that a certain team of a certain number of adventurers was planning an assault on the Meat Mech Hangar, and it just so happens that his needs align with our heroes. His brother, Small Baz, is in the lockup on site and needs to be broken out.
- Also here, two new members of the team. Tez and Noobit, chosen for their particular sets of skills... and also because they happened to be on the street at the time.
- There are three possible points of entry. Thin tunnels used by the Skull-Spiders, a complex used to create the Meat Mechs inhabited by the Meat Magi, and a small facility used by the local Guards to keep order.
- They decide on their way in. They'll get arrested, taken to the Guards' lockup, steal some keys, and break Small Baz out. From there they'll use the keys to go down the grate and get into the Meat Mech Hangar itself. From there it should be easy to steal a Meat Mech... right?
- He also tells them what he knows of Meat Mechs. Three people need to get into a Meat Popsicle, this Meat Popsicle is inserted into the back of the neck of the Meat Mech, and the three people work in concert to control the Mech itself.
- They exit the room and come out into the pub outside. Turns out it's easy to start a brawl in a room full of mutants! Tez punches out a tough looking customer and his mates come to his aid... and soon the Guards arrive to take the belligerents away. So far so good...

--- The Heist Begins!
- The team is thrown into a dank jail that drips with greasy fat. Once the guards have left they look around, Noobit's eyes immediately adjusting to the dark. In other cells they can see a small man - presumably Small Baz - and a clown. Amanta uses a claw to unlock the cell door and... fails. It's a tough lock it turns out.
- Luckily, as previously planned, Celebus has a bottle of tequila secreted in his fundament. He uses this to bait over the guard, and will he gives the guy a shot Amanta reaches through for the keys. Success!
- They knock out the guard and unlock Small Baz's cell. He sounds similar to Medium Baz. They're about to leave, when they decide to see if the clown wants to cause a distraction. The clown agrees... and unsheathes some long knives before running out of the jail and into the police station. Screams come from within.
- Distraction in place, the team (including Small Baz) infiltrate the rear of the station. They hear yelling and dark laughter from front of house, but the rest is clear. They sneak through a bedroom, past a sleeping guard, and into the armoury where all their stuff is! They also see some literal arms up on the wall next to an enormous buzzsaw.
- Tez decides to take the Strong Arm and runs at the buzzsaw, chopping her right arm off in a meaty manner. He nearly dies, but eventually after several attempts Noobit manages to jam the new arm on in a way that works. Tez now wields the Strong Arm of the law!

--- The Dragon and the Meat Mech
- They've already got the keys, so they go for the grate that will let them down into the Meat Mech Hangar beneath the ground. It's a long ladder down.
- At the bottom is a huge room with a large glowing purple pool in the centre. They peer down and see a huge dragon, pulsing with purple light. Huge leeches suckle from its smoky flesh, and pipes run from below into its chest. It has a Mass rune on its forehead so Amanta and Celebus start trying to work out what kind of dragon it could be, to Noobit's general confusion.
- They leave it well alone and examine the exits. Two larger double doors flank a smaller door with an intricate opening mechanism. The middle one's no good, so they enter one of the larger doors and are confronted by a Meat Mech! A gantry crosses a deep vat of blood, the mech's big dopey face is asleep, and on the other side of the gantry an enormous chest cannon rises. Dimly beneath the blood, a broadly centaur-like four legged form can be seen.
- The Meat Popsicle can be seen across the room, ready to be loaded into the Meat Mech once it contains the full contingent of pilots.

--- Leeches!
- They walk back out into the dragon pool room and across to see what's in the other bay... and a massive leech leaps out of the water and latches onto Celebus! Noobit despatches it with ease.




- Celebus decides to eat something to heal... and is almost immediately attacked by more leeches. Maybe should have moved away from the leech pool before having a snack.
- Small Baz attempts to help, but slips and falls into the water where he is swarmed by massive leeches. Tez reaches out with his elf-testing cold iron rod... and sees Small Baz's skin ripple and his ears grow pointy as he touches it. Tez shakes off Small Baz's hand and lets him sink from sight. No mercy for Elves.
- The other leeches are swiftly killed, but the purple glow from the pool begins to pulse. Looks like those leeches were keeping the dragon pacified...

--- A Second Mech
- They hustle into the other hangar and see an incredibly meaty mech. Its head is practically buried under thick bulges of pure muscle.
- Out in the dragon room, Amanta sees a spider-skull crawling along towards the other Meat Mech. She blowdarts it and runs back to the first Meat Mech in time to see that two more spider-skulls have already taken up slots in the Meat Popsicle! The pulsing of the dragon pool grows. It's now or never!
- She runs over and jumps into the top slot of the popsicle. Her spider-skull companions are a red-haired skull with a fiery attitude, and a blue-haired skull with a passive demeanour. Amanta, of course, forms the head. Automatic strands of tendon pull the popsicle up into entry position, and it slams down through the back of the mech's neck! Amanta is now looking out through the eyes like a screen, and feeling the emotions of her fellow pilots.
- Not wanting to be left out, Tez, Noobit and Celebus run to the muscle mech's meat popsicle and jump in! Tez forms the torso, Noobit forms the legs, and Celebus forms the head! They slam into the back of the mech's neck too, and a loud alarm saying "EMERGENCY LAUNCH" blasts out!
- The emergency locks disengage, and the mechs shoot up out of the hangars and onto ground level above!

--- Dragon vs Mechs
- The ground before them erupts as the massive space-time dragon emerges from the ground!
- Umbilicals disconnect from the mechs, and little screens saying "05:00:00" pop up and immediately begin counting down the seconds. Not much time to kill a dragon!
- Amanta hears the voices of her spider-skull copilots scream out for orders, and unleashes the chest cannon! It hammers into the dragon's flank, and the rest of the team in the Assault Mech follow up with a haymaker to the dragons' jaw! The dragon counters by breathing out a stream of shattered space-time, piercing the Assault Mech and sending splinters of meat melting outwards.
- The Assault Mech recovers with a powerful knee attack by Noobit, forcing the dragon to fumble and leave itself open to attacks from both its enemies!
- Amanta triggers her centauroid Siege Mech's huge cannon and crits! It blows a massive chunk from the dragons' side, and it roars in distress! Tez follows up with a headlock, and Noobit hits up with the knee to crush its skull!
- The dragon's form dissolves into black smoke, sucking in towards a glowing purple centre. Amanta and Celebus know to run - a dragon's death throes can be worse than fighting it in the first place.
- The Assault Mech leaps astride the centauroid Siege Mech and they charge away, leaping across the meaty walls of Salivasburger in a single bound and escaping into the meatlands.

--- Safe... for now.
- The mechs make it as far as they can before the power runs out, one hiding in a cavernous anus and another in a nearby giant nostril. Next time it's time to bag a Chaos Worm... if they can work out how to get power to these Meat Mechs at least.

Total: 8000 exp


Treasure:
- Two functional Meat Mechs!


Exp Totals:
- Charles / Celebus Uppytus, Level 5 Necromancer: 19848 (Level up at 36000)
Level up! +1d4 HP! +Free Spell! +Backstory!
- Kitty / Amanta, Level 5 Mantis Specialist: 17106 (Level up at 28000)
- Alistair / Noobit, Level 2 Dwarf: 2000 (Level up at 2000)
Level up! +1d10 HP! +Lorebond! +Backstory!
- Ailsa / Tez, Level 2 Barbarian: 2000 (Level up at 2000)
Level up! +1d8 HP! +Barbarian Powers! +Backstory!


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