Session 173 - In Which Bagpipes Nearly Ruin Everything

The party descend into the earth! The only thing stopping a good, reliable, risk-minimising delve... the horrific BAGPIPER who continually attracts attention and hatred from one and all!

Sir Robyn raises his children.
Hacker's Halberdiers seize fancy clothes.
Ratimir returns.
POWERLAD blows down a tentacle.
Mori is missed by crossbows.
Galaxy Johnson finds a use for Coalminer Dan.

- Tim draws the SPOOOOKY bagpiper who brings DOOM

- Tom's mid-game doodle

"Betimes to wars, troops bring a minstrel

To stop the soldiers feeling menstrual. Some armies' choir boys praise the Lord, Some bring charioted harpsichord, Some duellists follow duelling banjos, Some, tuneful shouts to guide where their man goes, Some regiments march to toots of trumpets, Some calm the lads with dancing strumpets, Most play the drums; few bring a fiddle, But to play the Hacker lads a diddle, Did one blow shrillish bagpipes gayly, Filling ears with dinful ceilidh, To Powerlad's next daring quest assist Enheartened by their melodist. Now Powerlad had employed one botanist In service to his cause assist. His task (corrupted): find a bane To the tentacles, end this campaign. This slithy refugant knave Instead to a dungeon sought enclave, Armed with vials of deadly taint, Seizing the whole quest in destraint, So the crew ventured b'neath the soil To this loathsome lout embroil. Now dungeons are the realm of Gygax. Enter not without thine broadaxe. First bring ye lumber, steel and flint, So thou hast light by which to squint. In darkness, tempt thou not to eat thy rations, Aband'ning hope for hunger's passions, For when starved of both food and light, And lost 'midst Hades' constant night, Thou'st naught 'gainst lurking nemeses, Thine life but a roll of the d6. For what lurks down in that gaping hole Over which thou vaultest with ten foot pole? What knife into thy vital organs, Strikes the slaves of Demogorgon's? But, with each careful step, behold! The ever distant gleam of gold... Into this Tomb, by son'rous bagpipes rallied, Young Fred and merry mob ensallied. The first foe that their swords would carve: a Slithy swarm of swollen larvae. Venturing 'twixt the walls acrumbling, With Old Man superstitions grumbling, At the next dark corner 'bruptly ganked! By giant maggots prepared and ranked. With pants about their rainbow garters, Natheless the Halberdiers kept to their charter. Round Fred, with feathered hat, they rallied, Then 'gainst the grubs they duly sallied, Their artful swordplay like a dance Embellished by their accoutrements, Frederegar with dual-wield pistols, And fencing unmatched 'twixt here and Bristol, Stabbing polearms, twizz'ling longswords, A porcupine of steel snuffling onwards, Steering the fight; but then: zounds! A blast of acid caused searing wounds To Hacker's men; a new fear nascent, Had attacked the men from circumjacent. A grub of size elephantine, Its acid melting brigandine, Its gaping maw crushing iron Its war cry not unlike the Siren, Ploughed into the unit's rear, But Fred passed leadership for fear, His men with battle gallantry aleaping, Half-swords, pitchforks, sheaves areaping, Stabbing wildly (bagpipes squealing), 'Fore Bodrick's altar-cross the foe killstealing. Left with but a hitpoint nary, The Halberdiers yearned for an apothecary. And vic'try was but a mirage: Arrows, shot and more ranged equipage Past colliflower ears a-whistling And pinging 'mongst their polearms bristling, Bolas tripping men-at-arms prostrate, The barrage causing some t'absquatulate. But with the fog of war a-clearing, And their new assailants through it leering, Up leapt mead-lipped Fred'regar, His tales of exploits near and far, The sorrowful men's hearts alifting, Once more the tide of battle shifting. A charge from Sir Rob and Powerlad, Coalminer Dan and Mori (an elven cad) Slew their foes, with battle-thrill, Double-Triple-Quadra Kill! Though vict'ry came, this famous fray Brought tears of joy and great dismay. For many soldiers, slaughtered like cattle, Would never again march to battle. "
- The further song of Hacker's Halberdiers!

Session 173 - In Which Bagpipes Nearly Ruin Everything

Campaign Date:

Monday, 26 February, 1601

Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous

Zodiac: Aquarius

New Backstory:

- One of Hacker's Halberdiers, known only as the Bagpiper, was a member of a secret bagpiper society. He was too good and thus the reason the secret society fell apart. (+1 to hit vs leaders)

Enemies Defeated:

- A sewn-up man (25 exp)
- Like 20 smaller grubs (200 exp)
- One very big grub (100 exp)
- A small cadre of knotsmen (300 exp)

Total: 625 exp

Treasure and Equipment:

- 25sp (25 exp)
- 1000sp-worth of fancy clothing (1000 exp)
- Rough plate armour
- A light crossbow
- Six wire-trailing bolts
- A long knife

Total: 1025 exp

Exploration:

- Explored further Biohazard Zone (100 exp)
- First party to enter the Pearl Mine (200 exp)
- Explored 5 dungeon areas (100 exp)

Total: 400 exp

Events:

- It is the evening after the eels ate up all the spider eggs in the party's bellies and everyone is spending their time recuperating. (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson peeks inside the sack Arach-Nacha is contained within, she sees she's starving. (50 exp)
- Figuring that this lust demon needs lust to feast upon, he asks POWERLAD and Bertha to make out in the spider queen's line of sight. They do so, POWERLAD somewhat awkwardly, but Bertha's a professional. (50 exp)

- Sir Robyn constucts a sort of creche for the rapidly growing demon spider babies. His raccoons help to keep order. He spends the evening telling them of the evil spider witch who tempts little spiders away from their daddy. (50 exp)
- The next morning the party is REFRESHED and ready to take on the Biohazard Zone, find Isen Heisenberg, and generally find out what the hell's going on with his poison stuff. Plans to assist in the defence of the Barrowmaze are tabled for now. (50 exp)
- On the way back to the largest cancer-tentacle, the party is stopped by a squad of militia who are trying to stop people entering the area. The tentacles are very active, and there's been a robbery! (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn shows the leader a certificate full of legal nonsense and explains that they are on official business. Cowed by the legalese mind trick, the party is let through. (50 exp)

- Also on the way, drakencultists fly overhead on leathery wings. POWERLAD flexes his massive muscles and waves one of them down. (50 exp)
- The cultist lands in front of him, she's very impressed by his physique. She informs him that they're investigating reports of a robbery, disappearances at the hands of creepy hunched men, fat white parasitic grubs all up in the tentacles. (50 exp)
- She flies off back to her group and the party continue on, soon reaching the area with the fishmonger they were in before. (50 exp)
- Fredregar immediately runs to the Haberdashery and kicks open the door. The man inside cowers! Hacker's Halberdiers pile in after him. (50 exp)
- The rest of the party ignore this and continue on, baffled. They don't hear the screams. (50 exp)
- As they approach an open space in front of the church, a shot rings out above the group's head! A voice from the belltower yells down "Don't come any closer! I've got thousands of guns and I'll use them!" (50 exp)
--- The Haberdashery
- The haberdasher cowers behind the counter, slamming his hand on a bell behind the counter. The bell over the door rings slow-slow-slow, the door to the back room bursts open, and a big fat man with buttons for eyes and stitched-closed mouth and pins under his fingers is framed in the doorway. (50 exp)

- Fredregar spins and runs to the kicked-down door, but it's closed and locked! There is no escape! He turns to see the pin-man slashing out at the Halberdiers! (50 exp)
- One of the Halberdiers blasts it with a scattershot round while the priest runs in with a massive cross and smashes it in the head! It dies, fitfully. (50 exp)
- Fredregar drags the haberdasher from behind the counter and slams him on top of it. The Halberdiers torture the guy with feathers and he screams, telling them that the cloth man was his master. (50 exp)
- Before Fredregar's horrified eyes, stitching begins zipping up and down the haberdasher's mouth and he begins to inflate with stuffing. (50 exp)
- They flee! Grabbing all the fancy clothing off the racks they can grab at short notice and looting the cash register! The bell jangles behind them as they flee. (50 exp)
--- The Church
- Dust from a stone wall rains down from the bullethole above the party's head. POWERLAD grows BIG and jump-flies right up to the belltower! The man inside yelps! (50 exp)

- POWERLAD sees the guy fall backwards, hurriedly reloading his musket. He certainly doesn't have a thousand guns. When POWERLAD seems non-threatening, he relaxes and apologises. (50 exp)
- He says he's here to hunt down Moldus Vane, an old priest who's still making mischief in the area. The rest of his crew died when the tentacles went crazy, so he fled here. He did see Isen Heisenberg fly in before the tentacle burst happened. (50 exp)
- As a matter of fact he saw exactly where Isen went - down a big pit nearby where they mined the false Raise Pearls that got sold on the black market in Fate. He points it out, it's visible from the belltower. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD jumps back down to the party and directs them towards the pit. Hacker's Halberdiers have arrived, all wearing a ridiculous number of fancy layers. One of them hands Sir Robyn the secrete he ordered, picked up in their rush to escape. (50 exp)
- On the way they pass the massive main tentacle. It's grown through a civic centre and chanting comes from within. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD decides to try something. He jumps up again, floats in front of the tentacle, and breathes his Size Breath - the whole middle portion of the tentacle shrinks to half its size, leaving a very thin piece of tentacle holding up a very large top. (50 exp)
- The top plummets, no longer held up by good strong cancer, and smashes onto the top of the hall, smashing it in! (50 exp)
- A very strange puppet-esque figure emerges from a doorway and looks up as POWERLAD darts back down to the main group. Several more follow, yammering in a strange tongue. One even floats in the air above the hall. (50 exp)
- The party hurries swiftly on. They reach the fenced-off pit, seeing a sign above the gate that says "Moondin Pearl Mining Company". (50 exp)

- They descend. At the bottom a tunnel leads underground towards a three-way fork. Lights on! Ahead, the lights refract from a body of water. The Halberdier's service dog barks loudly and voices come from one of the tunnels deeper. (50 exp)
- They head towards the voices. After some initial "stop right there!" POWERLAD steps forward. The voices are relieved! It turns out there's some guards down here who've locked themselves behind a barricade for protection. (50 exp)
- There is a rock grub queen down here, the operation disrupted by the masses of cancerous tentacles causing earthquakes all around. Apparently the false pearl technique requires rock grub eggs and "a black magical liquid" - azoth! (50 exp)
- These are the last of the guards remaining after Isen Heisenberg breathed deadly poison all over them. They fled to this bivouac to escape, especially after the rock grub larvae started hatching. (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson puts his shackles back on, turning back into Coalminer Dan. Dan, an experienced miner obviously, recognises that this "mine" is clearly fake. More of a set than an actual mine. (50 exp)

- Ratimir sends out a host of rats to map the area. They come back giving info about a big grub, a body of water, and a few other things. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD asks the guards to guard the entrance for them, and they gratefully agree. (50 exp)
- Ratimir sends out more rats, mapping the whole area. One of them brings back word that there's a stairway down! Good rat. Another tells of some strange men in one of the caves. (50 exp)
- Before heading into the stairway room, POWERLAD checks the strange men with heartbeat vision. It's tremendously effective, showing hunched-over figures with pulsing painful knots of arteries protruding from their flesh. (50 exp)
- Behind POWERLAD, a horrific sound! A nightmarish squealing and howling noise ricochets down the tunnel, battering the eardrums in this enclosed space! The Bagpiper is here! (50 exp)

- At the noise, the hunched men startle. One aims something down the corridor. POWERLAD tells everyone to run! (50 exp)
- They hustle to the stairs and find that the cave in front of them is swarming with fat white maggots! They are stained purple, but the stain is already rubbing off. A great maggot behind them wriggles and hisses and coughs! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD and the Halberdier's dog are in front of the first wave. The maggots' contra-rotating teeth drill straight through the dog, splashing blood everywhere, while another manages to get its teeth into POWERLAD's chest! (50 exp)

- He punches the grub on his chest super hard, it explodes into a web spell! There is some swift arguing about who has fire and why, before Ratimir dives forward with a tinderbox and sets the web alight! (50 exp)
- The grubs caught in the blast burn, popping like popcorn. Many smaller baby grubs sizzle in the fire. Behind them the mother grub squeals, lamenting. She spits globs of acid from her spinning maw. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD jumps through the burning remains of the web, smashing a hole right through the great grub! Hacker's Halberdiers finish it off, charging in a great mob with their massive zweihanders! (50 exp)

- The big grub is chunked. Next to Mori, a very strange crossbow bolt smacks into the wall near his head. Oh no! (50 exp)
- The bolt clearly has points that lever out, making removal difficult, and a thin length of some clear wire leads back into the darkness. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD grabs the bolt and tries to pull whatever's on the end of it towards him, but the wire is cut and the line goes slack. (50 exp)
- They duck out of the line of fire, and a plaintive voice says "please please, they send me to speak to you! Don't shoot!" (50 exp)
- Rounding the corner is a man, clearly from Moondin, with his intestines teased out of a hole in his belly and knotted tightly. POWERLAD gets him to talk, he's a slave of these Knotsmen from deep in the earth. (50 exp)
- He says that they saw a dragon man heading down the way the party were going to be heading. He is convinced to follow the party, but when he tries it he's pulled back by the feet! He falls on his intestinal knot, shrieking! (50 exp)
- Fuck this, there is a life to save! Bagpipes blaring, the Halberdiers rush into the darkness! One blasts a scattershot, killing one, while Fredregar double-crits another with his massive greatsword! (50 exp)

- But something very strange happens. The man's blood-knots glow redly in the dark, and he is suddenly juuuust ducking under the deadly blade. The side of the sword slides over so so close to his skin, ripping the clothing, but the man himself is unscathed?! (50 exp)

- One of the creatures flings heavy bolas at the Extras, toppling them like ninepins, and POWERLAD leaps over the fallen with his hammer! To his dismay, the hammer shatters on the ground, the knotsman's luck holds up again! (50 exp)
- Mori throws up a Light spell, lighting the room, and the knotsmen are revealed! One has plate armour on, the others begin to withdraw. (50 exp)
- "Do not approach us! We will enslave you!" they yell, and flee to the next room. They leave their plate-and-crossbow compatriot behind. (50 exp)
- The plated man screams, hurriedly reloading his crossbow. Up close, POWERLAD can see how the armour strains against his painful knots as he weeps. (50 exp)
- One punch is all it takes, the plated knotsman dies. The body is looted, finding a crossbow and several of those strange bolts, his plate armour with rough and unpolished inner surfaces, and a long knife useful for cutting thin wire. (50 exp)
- The intestine-knot guy screams that he's been doomed. Only his master can unpick his intestine knot, and now he will starve! He cries, broken and doomed, before taking his own life. (50 exp)
- Hacker's Halberdiers can be seen eating in the background, most of them look badly hurt! The party withdraws to the entrance and the safety of the guard post to rest and plan their next moves.  (50 exp)

Total: 3000 exp

Misc:

- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Ace Attorney bonus (50 exp)

- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)

- Antagonist Antagoniser bonus (50 exp)

- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)

- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)

- Breach and Clear bonus (50 exp)

- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)

- Child Murderer bonus (50 exp)

- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)

- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)

- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)

- Enmity Inciter bonus (50 exp)

- Fame bonus (50 exp)

- Freudian bonus (50 exp)

- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)

- Kill It With Fire bonus (50 exp)

- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)

- Noblebright bonus (50 exp)

- PETA bonus (50 exp)

- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)

- Tactical Fighting bonus (50 exp)

- WWE bonus (50 exp)

Total: 1200 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:

- Remembrancer (Charles / Galaxy Johnson - 100 exp)

- Caller (James / Ratimir - 100 exp)

- Mapper (Fraser / Mori - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Tom / Hacker's Halberdiers - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)

- Guard ( Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Timothy / Sir Robyn - 100 exp)

- Art Attack bonus (Charles, Timothy, Tom - 100 exp ea.)
- Attacco d'Arte bonus (Timothy - 100 exp)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Fiction Fanatic bonus (Tom - 100 exp)
- Chippo Man bonus (Kitty*2 - 200 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Charles, Timothy, Kitty - 500 exp ea.)

Active Businesses:

- Honey Healing. Safe. 1106sp. (Bertha)

- Knickers Gloves Bodices. Risky. 1030sp. (Ratimir)
- Blood Honey 4 U. Safe. 515sp. (Sir Robyn) 

Rumours:

-

Death Toll and Injuries:

- Someone's dog

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 7 Muscle Wizard: 86868 (Level up at 144000)-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 7 (-35% exp)
- Charles / Galaxy Johnson, Level 5 Elf (Alpdrucke): 39343 (Level up at 48000)-- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 1 (-5% exp) --- Old Man Henderson, Level 0 Octogenarian

- Timothy / Sir Robyn, Level 5 Magic-User: 26157 (Level up at 36000)

- James / Ratimir, Level 5 Ratman: 22086 (Level up at 24000)  
- Fraser / Mori, Level 5 Elf (Worriganger): 24025 (Level up at 48000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 L3 spell/day! +1 L1 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!- Tom / Hacker's Halberdiers, Level 3 Extras: 4487 (Level up at 6000)

Absent or Retired:

- Issy / Sturdy, Level 2 Dwarf: 3596 (Level up at 4400)  
- The Dwarfs
--- Randy, Level 4 Hench-Dwarf: 9884 (Level up at 17600)--- Gav, Level 0 Inclusion
- Ollie / Synthia, Level 4 Inheritor: 17135 (Level up at 18000)  

- Tom / Aces Fontaine, Level 1 Specialist: 869 (Level up at 1500)
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 9931 (Level up at 18000)- Imran / Friar, Level 1 Magic User: 1040 (Level up at 2250)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 5 Cleric: 25557 (Level up at 28000)

- Yuri / Bjorn Gunnerson, Level 2 Barbarian: 2278 (Level up at 4000)

- Sunni / Larry's Legends, Level 1 Extras: 758 (Level up at 1500)

- Fraser / Tippin, Level 1 Ratman: 1458 (Level up at 1500)

- Charles / Zena, Level 6 Fighter: 41566 (Level up at 64000)

- Tom / Meteor Power Shower, Level 2 Barbarian: 3061 (Level up at 4000)

- Nix's Retainer

--- Huz, Level 0 Hireling

- Tom / Spicy Mac, Level 2 Halfling: 3457 (Level up at 4000)

- Eleanor / Mugg, Level 2 Fighter: 2357 (Level up at 4000)

- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)

- Amar / Amar's Cleric, Level 1 Cleric: 1413 (Level up at 1750)

- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2084 exp

- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)

- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)

- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)

- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)

- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

Session 172 - Eels Up Inside Ya

Ah, Moondin. The only place that feels safe any more, and it's covered in lava and militant prostitutes and dragon cultists and cancerous tentacles.
At least Bertha is there. She's very understanding.

POWERLAD continues moving up the dragon ladder, gaining access to dragon breath!

Galaxy Johnson has been caged by bonds stronger than mere iron - the legal system.
Sturdy and Lofty get their first kill on a grobbly tentacle beast.
Sir Robyn ingratiates himself with a suspicious haberdasher.
Frederegaarrrrr meets his idol and is taken down a peg.
Mori sustains a horrific eel-related injury.

- Timothy presents an entirely horrible hagfish with a Mori mask for a face D:

- He also does the BEST thing - Galaxy Johnson's restraining order!

- Ollie straight up 3d modelled POWERLAD holy moly

- Tom's kickass map of Loegria in all its glory!

""Now, hark ye, patrons, a fishy tale, Of surgical sins, and risqué regail. To once-great Moondin, now blote with cysts, Trooped our polearmed Protagonists. O Moondin, how art thine beauty dimmer! In the court-hall's stead, now magma simmers... Hacker's statues naught 'bove the hem'roids; Thine wit-verbed press reduced to tabloids. Young Fred raced to urge Lord Castigate, To whose armour maids do tittilate, To raise more bands - but the Great Pox suppressed a yawn, Meeting his pleas with death-tinged scorn. Meanwhile POWERLAD, Prize of countless epics, Well-versed in the ways of Dragon-ethics, Stumbled upon his famèd quest, And set off hence, you know the rest. When a man in his belly spiders feels, The stated cure be: swallow eels. We know POW'LAD was full up to the lid, As sung in the 'Romance d'Arachnid'. So to the fishery gallumphed our merry band, Erstwhile doling fruit to every hand, Soon their fetch quest duly solved, And bellies of spiders, with eely help, absolved. But please, good tavernees, wait a bit? Here comes the really juicy bit! 'Midst eel-hunt and a-smashery, Fred stumbled 'pon a haberdashery! He entered, Sir Robyn at his side. Eyeballing garters with a buyer's snide. "Good morrow," spake the hab-dash. "You're Clearly a garbing connoisseur." Freregar Tokeby's codpiece glinted, The treasures beneath extravagantly hinted. "Good sir, I have a most unsated passion For tight hose of the Landsknecht fashion." "Well achtung, mine stock is good, ya!" The shopkeep - German - revealed his boudoir. In tightest stockings, and hats of plume a-garish; Dressed Fred, whilst outside the party searched for their fish. His manhood bulging with audacity, Our hero re-joined his company. Now let me briefly mention the comp'ny parson, Bodrick, whose clumsiness led to arson. Bodrick was a priest with temper flaired, Recruited by the local laird To restore unto his ADHD-posessed daughter, A little godly law and order. But the exorcist's fortune began to dwindle When the curtains formed his candles' kindle... Soon the lairdship'd burned disast'r'ly down, And Bodrick slipped discreetly out of town. In Moondin to Fred with tongue sleek would surge he, This priorly misfortuned and outcast clergy. Now, armed with law of both God and State, Our Halberds marched to meet their fate! ""
- The next part of the song of Hacker's Halberdiers!

Session 172 - Eels Up Inside Ya

Campaign Date:

Monday, 23 February, 1601

Moon Phase: First Quarter

Zodiac: Aquarius

New Backstory:

- One of Hacker's Halberdiers, Bodrick, is an overzealous Denialist priest who somehow joined the mob last session. He was called in to exorcise the demon from a kid with ADHD and accidentally murdered the child with particularly overzealous torture. He also accidentally burned down the house and everyone in it. They are with God now. (Once per session, someone you torture must answer one question truthfully)
- One day during Sturdy's propheteering across the country, she was set upon by angry zealots who beat her into a pulp. Luckily as a Dwarf she's particularly hardy, and so when they started to get tired she seized the opportunity to run away! (You will never roll to pass out while fleeing)

Enemies Defeated:

- A squiggly squelchy tentacle monster (75 exp)

Total: 75 exp

Treasure and Equipment:

- Up to ten eels (500 exp)
- Smoked tentacle jerky

Total: 500 exp

Exploration:

- First party to enter the Biohazard Zone in Moondin (200 exp)
- Explored several not-so-abandoned shops (60 exp)

Total: 260 exp

Events:

- Finally in the safety of an actual town, and one that has some semblance of law and order, Sir Robyn heads off to the likeliest place to file his legal documents. RISEN HQ is is! (50 exp)
- The others, minus the dragon-worshipping POWERLAD, wonder what to do with this big sack of spider they're still lugging around. Do they trust the Drakencult enough to just hand her over? (50 exp)
- A bunch of emissaries from Fortress-City Fate run past, all red and brass and sundial blazons. Frederegar yells at one to tell him what's up. (50 exp)
- "Dead advancing on Barrowmaze! Great black dragon too! Huge tentacle under Fate being blasted by the city! Nobody knows what's going on! Gotta go!" (50 exp)
- He runs off towards RISEN HQ with the rest, nearly bowling over Sir Robyn as he comes down the steps towards the rest of the party. (50 exp)
- They decide to bring the spider queen to Bertha in the library, POWERLAD trusts her after all. Sir Robyn throws out a Floating Disk and flies into the air. He flies like he's sitting on a plane, a little bored, looking out the window and watching the inflight movie. (50 exp)
- Below, Moondin is stretched out before them. The central magma lake of Ninhursag roils, and to the south great cancerous tendrils can be seen writhing painfully from beneath the streets. (50 exp)



- Hacker's Halberdiers watch them go, too numerous to fit easily on a floating disk. Their leader Fredregar has other plans anyway - to the headquarters of the Rebel Dead to see if Castigate Pox is still around! (50 exp)
--- POWERLAD
- Over on Ninhursag's island POWERLAD turns from the great green head of is greeted by Magnus Grossman, leader of the Gogamogic Drakencult - the Cult of SIZE! (50 exp)
- They both go for a muscle-boosted high five, the great slap ringing from the surrounding crystal! "You made a fantastic choice joining us!" he booms! (50 exp)
- They talk a little, Magnus revealing that Isen Heisenberg the chief poison researcher went missing hours before all the tentacles went cancerous and all the plants started dying! (50 exp)
- When asked why he doesn't go find him himself, Magnus reveals he's not sure how he'd handle himself in a real fight. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD is skeptical, asking around if anyone around here has actually been in a real fight. Luckily Garlock Beendigung, Arch-Priest of Ninhursag and Leader of the Verdegrised Drakencult, overhears and says that yes, he was in the Fated Army before the Dead Peace all those years ago. (50 exp)
- Man there was a lot of exposition at the start of the session! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD goes to investigate the poison lab, following Garlock and Sylvia Flora the Plant Priestess. The lab coat-wearing researchers within are tight-lipped about where their boss went. (50 exp)

- POWERLAD, however, is good at finding a traitor in a crowd. Probably because he's such a celebrity. One of the scientists winks to POWERLAD and mouths "outside" (50 exp)
- They leave, and outside that guy furtively tells POWERLAD the goss - Isen thought he'd managed to create the perfect tentacle-destroying poison. When the tentacle started rising in Moondin, Isen flew off and took his super poison with him. He hasn't been seen since. (50 exp)
- That was the day when everything started dying and the tentacles got all cancerous. None of the poison researchers want to be blamed for making things worse, so they're keeping tight-lipped. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD thanks the guy and looks up - he sees the silhouette of a spider bag and several others zipping overhead, and with a single great leap he's back amongst the party! (50 exp)
--- Hacker's Halberdiers
- Fredregar is pretty sure who the leader of the Rebel Dead is, his old boss and propaganda focus Castigate Pox! He heads up the steps into the skull-shaped building. (50 exp)
- The cool goth Necromancer behind the counter recognises him immediately as the former writer-editor of the Moondin Trumpet. She resists letting him in to see Castigate but then... (50 exp)
- "FREDEREGAR!?!?! Is that YOU, Frederagarrr?" the voice of Castigate Pox booms out across the hall. (50 exp)
- Castigate Pox is angry! Where were you at the final battle for Mankind, Frederegar?? Yes I am AWARE that the flank collapsed Frederegar ALL the flanks collapsed FREDEREGARRR (50 exp)

- Fredregar tries to mollify Castigate by presenting him with the little gold man in the wicker cage on his way out. Castigate grabs it, looks at it, then passes it to an aide without a word of thanks before striding off towards the War. (50 exp)
- Hackers Halberdiers, in mild disarray, decide to head to Bertha's library to meet up with the rest. They travel through the Red Light Protectorate, where some local toughs pointedly direct them towards the red-lined main road that gives outsiders a route through the area. (50 exp)
--- To the library!
- At the library, Bertha runs out to greet POWERLAD. It's only been a day or so, but you know. They're in love innit. (50 exp)
- They briefly explain the situation with Arach-Nacha and ask her to look after the bag for a while. She gets her librarian colleagues to drag it out of sight. (50 exp)
- And not a moment too soon! A crowd of fans and admirers, seeing POWERLAD come to land, have begun to gather for high fives and autographs! (50 exp)
- He waves to the crowds then flies off towards Necromancer HQ. He walks in, asks if he can see a zombie, and everyone assumes he's come to put on a show! (50 exp)
- He sure does, pummelling the zombie to death before flying off. The people in the place are perhaps a little confused, but that is merely because they do not obey the strange will of Ninhursag. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn meanwhile sets up a little legal library for himself. Since legal texts are what he uses to make his magic, this will be very useful for spell research in the future! (50 exp)
- That evening, Hacker's Halberdiers put on a benefit for the refugees in the half-destroyed arena, making a fair amount of silver for their trouble! (50 exp)
- Sturdy and her loyal minion Lofty arrive, having schlepped it on foot all the way from Dwimmermount to here. They're both fine though! (50 exp)
- Coalminer Dan realises that the iron shackles he wears are the only thing stopping him from reverting to Galaxy Johnson. He releases them as it gets dark to give Galaxy Johnson his legally mandated custody time over their body. (50 exp)- Galaxy Johnson himself is horrified to discover that in helping the poisonous plans of Ninhursag's drakencult, he broke a taboo with his own dragon-god. His bond to Ereshkigal has taken a hit! (50 exp)
-- The Next Day
 - Luckily Old Man Henderson is on hand to re-shackle Galaxy Johnson when he returns in the morning. Coalminer Dan wakes, a little tired. (50 exp)
- Eleanor, the doctor from Honey Healing, shows up too! Her backpack jangles and clinks with all the bottles and salves she's got in there. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn passes her the business card of Blood Honey 4 U and she reads out the legend "Dial M for BEEEEEES! Blood honey supplies are low at the moment, so this would be great! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD furtively tells Eleanor about his spider baby issue, hoping that Bertha won't find out he's pregnant and planning to abort. (50 exp)
- Bertha overhears and laughs at his discomfort. "I can see inside you, you know. Between the massive spider in the bag and all the little spiders in your belly it's pretty obvious what's going on!" She's been adventuring too, she knows a lot of bullshit happens. Let's hope she doesn't find out about some of POWERLAD's more scurrilous encounters on the road... (50 exp)

- Eleanor reckons she's got a solution - a particular type of fish that's known to live in the bogs and rivers around Moondin. She's got one on hand, it's a sort of long slippery eel-like creature that moves in very straight lines. (50 exp)

- Considering the party's considering checking out the "Biohazard Zone" of Moondin, they decide to keep their spider-borne poison immunity for a little while longer. (50 exp)
- Before they leave, POWERLAD flies off to praise Ninhursag again. His devotion has granted him a big ticket item - the BREATH OF NINHURSAG! He can breathe a cone of SIZE once per day. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn and the Halberdiers buy fancy clothes while everyone takes an opportunity to buy stuff. Got to prepare for the biohazard zone! (50 exp)

--- Biohazard Zone

- Later that day, they approach the lumpy and cancerous tentacles that have risen from below the south of the city. They definitely don't look healthy, the great tendrils having torn up through the flagstones and destroyed houses. There is a large central tentacle ahead, clearly that's the place to go! (50 exp)
- On the way they see some people with portable smoker boxes making jerky from bits of tentacle they've carved off with knives. It looks unappetising, but interesting. (50 exp)

- Hacker's Halberdiers swap some bags of apples for some of the jerky. The jerky-makers tell the party to watch out, people have been disappearing in the tentacle area and there are many reports of strange things lurking in this part of town. (50 exp)
- The party thank them and move on. They enter the vicinity of the major tentacle, once a major shopping area, and look in the shop windows. Most, if not all, are abandoned. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD smells something fishy. Like actually fishy. Maybe they can find a fishmongers and grab some of those strange eel fish! He follows his nose and most of the party follows. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn and Hacker's Halberdiers don't follow along. They've seen a fancy haberdashery! Their eyes alight, they head into the shop to see if they can nick some fine accoutrements. (50 exp)
--- The Haberdashery
- To their surprise, there is a man behind the counter! He seems very friendly and not at all worried about what's going on outside, if a little shrill. Fredregar asks if he's got any incredibly tight leggings for sale, and delightfully he does! (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn is somewhat suspicious of this guy who professes no knowledge of anything being wrong. He cantrips Detect Magic to get a feel for magical shenanigans... and hears a knocking from the back room door. A knocking... and a strange impression of a fat man with buttons for eyes. (50 exp)
- Just then, they hear their friends yelling. They hurriedly grab their purchases and run out to find out what's going on! (50 exp)
--- The Fishmonger
- The smell of fish leads POWERLAD towards a shop with a happy fish on the sign. Too easy! It's dark inside, and there is lots of water on the ground where the glass counter shattered and let all the fish out. (50 exp)
- Coalminer Dan shines a rune-light around inside the place. The water on the ground has some of the strange eel-fish swimming around in it (score!) but to his horror there's a floppy cancerous ball of tentacles feasting on the fish in the darkness! (50 exp)

- It rushes at him! He tries to defend himself but he's forced back against the counter! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD rushes in to save him, punching the creature upwards and holding it aloft so that Lofty and Sturdy can skewer it with spears! (50 exp)
- The thing stops flopping about and sags, dead. Then Sir Robyn and Hacker's Halberdiers show up. All is well! (50 exp)
- Hacker's Halberdiers set about gathering up all the strange fish, luckily they all have fishing gear! Fish in hand, bucket and bag, the party head back out of the tentacle area and back towards the safety of the library. (50 exp)

- On the way they see a bunch of people stealing jerky from the jerky-smokers! The party give chase, Mori dashing across the rooftops while Coalminer Dan lets Galaxy Johnson loose to crawl through shadows after them... to no avail. (50 exp)
- They apologise to the jerky-smokers, who grumble about their hard work being wasted but thank the party for trying. At least they still have the apples. (50 exp)
--- The Library
- Eleanor is waiting for the party as they get back to the library. She's surprised that they managed to find the fish so quickly! Time to get rid of these spider eggs. (50 exp)
- The treatment is simple - let the fish wriggle down your throat into your belly where it will eat up all the spiders and spider eggs before you digest it! Easy. (50 exp)
- Sturdy is up first, she keels over in pain as the eel devours the spiders then starts devouring her stomach lining! The fish dies soon after, but she'll be in discomfort for a week or so. (50 exp)
- It's the same story with POWERLAD. Mori, horrifyingly, has an even worse reaction! The eel eats its way out of his stomach from the inside! (50 exp)

- As the party look on in horror, Sir Robyn steps forward and pulls the whole eel out with one smooth flick of the wrist! A class act! (50 exp)

- There's not even much damage he was that good. How astounding! (50 exp)
- Galaxy casually swallows an eel with no ill effects. His alien biology makes it look easy! (50 exp)
- And with that, the dreaded spider eggs are dealt with! No more poison immunity, but that's ok when the price is days of choking spiders out of your oesophagus. (50 exp)
- Eleanor decides to stay in Moondin, it's dangerous out there and Helix is going to fall soon anyway. Better anywhere than there! Sir Robyn sends a message to Shady Dave to tell him to come to Moondin too. (50 exp)
- With their spider eggs gone and their favourite physician safely in Moondin, the party's prospects look good! Or at least as good as things can be when the end of the world is at hand. (50 exp)

Total: 3500 exp

Misc:

- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Ace Attorney bonus (50 exp)

- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)

- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)

- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)

- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)

- Fame bonus (50 exp)

- Noblebright bonus (50 exp)

- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)

- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)

- Tentacle Molestation bonus (50 exp)

- WWE bonus (50 exp)

Total: 600 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:

- Remembrancer (Charles / Galaxy Johnson - 100 exp)

- Caller ( Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)

- Mapper (Fraser / Mori - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Fraser / Mori - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)

- Guard (Tom / Hacker's Halberdiers - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Timothy / Sir Robyn - 100 exp)

- Art Attack bonus (Charles, Timothy, Ollie, Tom - 100 exp ea.)
- Attacco d'Arte bonus (Timothy, Ollie, Tom - 100 exp ea.)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Fiction Fanatic bonus (Tom - 100 exp)
- Chippo Man bonus (Tom*2 - 200 exp [for last week mixup!])
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Timothy, Kitty - 500 exp ea.)

Active Businesses:

- Honey Healing. Safe. 1106sp. (Bertha)

- Knickers Gloves Bodices. Risky. 1030sp. (Ratimir)
- Blood Honey 4 U. Safe. 515sp. (Sir Robyn) 

Rumours:

-

Death Toll and Injuries:

- Not even one!

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 7 Muscle Wizard: 85290 (Level up at 144000)-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 7 (-35% exp)
- Charles / Galaxy Johnson, Level 5 Elf (Alpdrucke): 37553 (Level up at 48000)-- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 1 (-5% exp) --- Old Man Henderson, Level 0 Octogenarian

- Timothy / Sir Robyn, Level 5 Magic-User: 24315 (Level up at 36000)

- Fraser / Mori, Level 4 Elf (Worriganger): 22583 (Level up at 24000)
- Issy / Sturdy, Level 2 Dwarf: 3596 (Level up at 4400) 
- Tom / Hacker's Halberdiers, Level 3 Extras: 3145 (Level up at 6000)
+1d12 HP! +1 Named Character! +backstory!

Absent or Retired:

- The Dwarfs
--- Randy, Level 4 Hench-Dwarf: 9884 (Level up at 17600)--- Gav, Level 0 Inclusion
- Ollie / Synthia, Level 4 Inheritor: 17135 (Level up at 18000) 
- James / Ratimir, Level 5 Ratman: 20944 (Level up at 24000) 

- Tom / Clarence Eclair, Level 3 Specialist: 3040 (Level up at 6000)

- Tom / Aces Fontaine, Level 1 Specialist: 869 (Level up at 1500)
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 9931 (Level up at 18000)- Imran / Friar, Level 1 Magic User: 1040 (Level up at 2250)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 5 Cleric: 25557 (Level up at 28000)

- Yuri / Bjorn Gunnerson, Level 2 Barbarian: 2278 (Level up at 4000)

- Sunni / Larry's Legends, Level 1 Extras: 758 (Level up at 1500)

- Fraser / Tippin, Level 1 Ratman: 1458 (Level up at 1500)

- Charles / Zena, Level 6 Fighter: 41566 (Level up at 64000)

- Tom / Meteor Power Shower, Level 2 Barbarian: 3061 (Level up at 4000)

- Nix's Retainer

--- Huz, Level 0 Hireling

- Tom / Spicy Mac, Level 2 Halfling: 3457 (Level up at 4000)

- Eleanor / Mugg, Level 2 Fighter: 2357 (Level up at 4000)

- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)

- Amar / Amar's Cleric, Level 1 Cleric: 1413 (Level up at 1750)

- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2084 exp

- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)

- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)

- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)

- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)

- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

Session 171 - The Legend of Old Man Henderson

Man, what a session!
A ton of crazy stuff, most amazingly Galaxy Johnson's defeat at the hands of an old man who managed to wrestle the Elf out of him!
Welcome back for now, Coalminer Dan.

A slapstick fight against some Denialists also occurred, with a ridiculous amount of crits and fumbles flying every which-way. At least you've reached Moondin now!

And finally we've also had the return of Tom, now playing a gang of Extras that idolise his fallen character Rake Hacker.

On with the many many art attacks -

- Timothy completes his hazing by dressing as Sir Robyn!!!

- Timothy doodles the march of the Denialist!

- Kitty depicts the cover of the latest POWERLAD romance novel!

- Timothy ALSO makes a sikk meme!

- AND he creates the legal document for Hacker's Halberdiers. Busy boy!

"Twas ne'er a tale of  bitter tears

Than Hacker and his Halberdiers." 

Yes, it's overplayed! I know this well!

But don't drink up - there's more to tell...

Hacker, Moondin's Lord, was slew;

His fate known but to a precious few.

Doomed not unto a wat'ry crypt,

But to a slumb'ring isle beshipped.

Now Young Fred was a normal lad,

Gifted of voice, but lazy, a tad,

Till in will Hacker left his famed codpiece,

To Young Fred, who's his nephew, not his niece.

Now Young Fred looked like a Man!

Like Lynx adverts to him women ran.

Then back from him fled, for safety's sake,

For Hacker's codpiece sports a fearsome drake.

Poor Young Fred still wasn't getting laid.

But then he a goodly discov'ry made

When, stuffed inside his décor-du-cock,

He found a note (and not a sock).

"Young Fred," it said, "it's Rake, from beyond the grave!

You did me proud when you were a knave.

Your songs helped spread my name in favour,

Now I've a task of similar flavour.

"Dear Nephew, Moondin's pretty fucked!

A tentacle beneath is tucked;

I gave their pit a look around -

It's octopus a long way down..."

Now, these words spread wide, on rumour's wings!

Frederegar, fighting bard: he sings

Bowie-like, 'cross Moondin's ward;

Each stanza urging "take up sword!"

His words spun one joyous outfit,

Fruit-pickers, farm-hands, and a half-wit,

The parish priest, a lumberjack:

The second Halberdiers of Hack!

They marched against the Death Frost Mount,

There routed by the vamp'ric Count;

Cowards? Perhaps, but they'd never've won -

For they were only level one.

Returning by the backer roads,

Heads down with shame - what pitiful chodes.

They fought that that was that for fights -

Until they saw this sight of sights.

A Space Alien, half-slipp'd through shadow'd wall,

With a hairy elderman in brawl.

"Praise the Lord!" the Old Man proclaiming

Before from the posessed this demon maiming.

Now, in this Old Man, they'd found a friend,

And the possessed coalminer's party, for that end -

Yes, I know the tales of that heroic club,

But that's a different story, for a different pub.

Sir Robyn was with this merry band,

And penned he with a lawyer's hand,

A charter of complex legal clout,

And not a frivolous seal without...

Some other members joined the crew

I have not words to name but a few -

A golden man in a cage, and hark,

A German Dog who they named Bark.

Now united with lace-tounged Frederegar,

Old Man, the Halberds, like fucking rockstars!

Coalminer, POWERLAD, an elf, Sir Rob -

Off to Moondin do they plod...

- Tom regales us with Frederegar's song of the Halberdiers

Session 171 - The Legend of Old Man Henderson

Campaign Date:

Friday, 20 February, 1601

Moon Phase: First Quarter

Zodiac: Aquarius

New Characters:
- Hacker's Halberdiers, Second Company. A bunch of fruit farmer Extras led by newspaper magnate and propagandist Frederegar. Possible deserters. Truly believe the legend of Rake Hacker.

New Backstory:

- Sir Robyn was in trouble - while reading legal textbooks he'd accidentally murmered magical legalese out loud and set fire to the library! Facing expulsion, he did what he had to do - having sex with each and every member of the admissions board to stay in the university. (+1 Charisma)

Enemies Defeated:

- A level 3 Denialist Cleric
- A mob of Denialists

Total: 2400 exp

Treasure and Equipment:

- 9sp (9 exp)
- Two pistols
- A vial of colourful "Chaos Dust"
- A vial of water-purifying yellow goo
- Book #135 - Poison (100 exp)
- Book #275 - Flowers (100 exp)

Total: 209 exp

Exploration:

- Travelled around 90 miles (300 exp)
- 2 Random Encounters (100 exp)

Total: 400 exp

Events:

- Logistics of transporting a massive spider cross country via Fly and Floating Disk considered. To make it easier on overhead - it'll take 3 days, following POWERLAD's route. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD sends a note to Elenor at honey healing by some means. Perhaps Cardinal Scream's birds are nearby? Somehow anyway. He says to meet them at Moondin. They'll need something to deal with their spider egg belly problems. (50 exp)
- Randy and Gav are left behind, since they're heavy and Randy is geased to never sleep above ground. Difficult when travelling cross-country at speed.
- Sir Robyn tasks them with creating a magical prosthetic arm from the various bits and pieces of monster and their Dwarven living statue-craft (50 exp)
- The others Fly off, the Fliers taking the others and the sackful of spider queen on shoulders and Floating Disks. What a sight! (50 exp)

- On the way, they fly over some loud Termaxian chanting. From up here it's easy to see all the dead grass and cancerous trees and lumpy waving tentacles writhing from the cracked earth. (50 exp)
- They reach Pembrooktonshire as sun begins to set. On the way past Oshregaal's place they see a bunch of passed out people, many with red honey caked around their mouths. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn leaves a business card. "Dial M for BEEEEEEES!" shouts Galaxy Johnson, to much mirth. (50 exp)

- They go to POWERLAD's now-usual abandoned house in the ruins of Pembrooktonshire. They take the opportunity to look around the town for lootables. (50 exp)
- All the food and booze has been ransacked by Oshregaal's party, but they do find some stuff lying around the place. Mori finds a couple of pistols, while others find a colourful vial of "Chaos Dust" and a vial of yellow goo that purports to purify water. (50 exp)
- As they loot the town and evening falls, a column of daylight can be seen clearly! Investigating, they see that it's a god beam with a tentacle frozen inside. Still-standing tentacle cultists with vicious stab wounds are within. (50 exp)
- They sleep, and the next morning they continue on. They land across the great river Deeprush and continue on towards New Rakedin. (50 exp)
- On the way they gather some of the mutated tentacle samples that occasionally writhe slowly and cancerously amongst the dead grass. (50 exp)
- Also seen along the roadside - a little golden man in a little wooden cage. It's fallen by the wayside amongst evidence of a scuffle. It's barely helpful. (50 exp)
- Hacker's Halberdiers emerge from the forest! Apparently they chased off some men with similar cages, and they must have dropped this one in the pursuit. (50 exp)
- The little man in the cage agrees that it's a greed demon and says it eats gold. It can even smell gold. Nobody gives it any gold to eat. Then they chuck it in the bag with the Spider Queen. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn summons a fish with a Strange Waters cantrip. Galaxy Johnson goes Gollum briefly at the sight of it. (50 exp)
- Frederegar, leader of Hacker's Halberdiers, explains that they are sort of deserters from the great battle against Mt Death Frost. They fled when the battle turned against them. (50 exp)
- Entering New Rakedin, POWERLAD is confronted with a winged draconic Andromeda, the same one whose POWERLAD he killed last time! She believes that she was wrong, this POWERLAD is her true POWERLAD! (50 exp)
- She wants him to marry her, but POWERLAD tells her that he's already married to Bertha. She asks where Bertha is, he points towards Dwimmermount, and she rockets off to presumably create an ex-wife for POWERLAD (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn sets up shop in the tavern as a notary and legal counsel for hire. One night only! He makes a small but appreciable amount of cash for his services. (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson decides to use this night to kidnap a weak-looking old man to feed to Arach-Nacha... he has no idea what he's in for. (50 exp)
- He stalks across the rooftops, sights an old man walking home on his own, and activates Spiderclimb... (50 exp)
- The old man sees thin grey arms reaching from a nearby shadow, They grab him around the waist. "I'm old man henderson motherfucker!" he yells and drags Galaxy Johnson out of the shadow! (50 exp)

- Crying out for help, Old Man Henderson wrestles the alien Galaxy Johnson into a headlock. People run out of nearby houses. Hacker's Halberdiers come in from the other direction! (50 exp)
- Mori is on the roof, watching. He sees Galaxy Johnson writhing in Old Man Henderson's astonishingly strong grip. Everyone around has Make-Light glyphs to see by. (50 exp)
- Mori runs past, a shadowy blur, and steals all the lights with his Elf powers. The orbs of light dart into his outstretched hand as he scurries past. There is much confusion. (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson takes his chance to escape, casting Spiderclimb again so he can crawl through shadows. But Old Man Henderson's grip is too strong, the spell goes wild, and... (50 exp)

--- Coalminer Dan
- Blackness. Falling. Distant voices. Then. (50 exp)
- A man's face. Old. Angry. Concerned. And now, amazed. (50 exp)
- Lights appearing. More faces. Many faces. A sense of lost time. Where am I? (50 exp)
- You're safe, son. You're safe. The demon is gone. You're safe. What's your name son? (50 exp)
- I'm Daniel. Daniel... Johnson. (50 exp)
--- Breathe. Just breathe.
- Old Man Henderson wrestled the elf out of Galaxy Johnson. Holy shit. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD approaches the scene. He, too, is amazed. He blesses Old Man Henderson in the name of Ninhursag. (50 exp)
- Daniel must be taken to Moondin for healing. Iron manacles are put around his wrists. The demon will be expelled forever, mark our words. (50 exp)
- Daniel spends the night in irons, shivering and sweating under a blanket. He feels damp cloth on his brow between bouts of feverish shivering. The demon is still gone. He is still Coalminer Dan. (50 exp)
- The next day, they travel the last miles to Moondin. Old Man Henderson questions the big sack of mysterious goods, but doesn't question too much. (50 exp)
- To allay suspicions, they merely walk. After some time they hear shouted Bible passages and a passionate sermon ahead. (50 exp)
- It's clear that these people are advancing down the road towards New Rakedin. They bear shields emblazoned with "Obey the Lord" and "The End Times Cometh" and "John 3:16" and "God Hates Fags". Denialists! (50 exp)

- POWERLAD stands on the road, hands on hips, to confront them and prevent them getting to New Rakedin. Nearly everyone else goes into the trees to ambush. (50 exp)
- As the lead priest approaches, he calls out to POWERLAD asking him if he believes in the one true God. POWERLAD retorts that he worships Ninhursag, to great fiery consternation. (50 exp)
- The rest of the party, behind trees and bushes, shout questions at each other! The Denialists hear and Sir Robyn pops off a pistol shot from a bush before they can react! (50 exp)

- Several charge at POWERLAD, who breaks one of their spears as he infuses himself with the might of Ninhursag! He grows a foot taller and far more muscular! (50 exp)
- He punches one of his assailants, and out grows the phantasmic might of NINHURSAG ascendant! The great green dragon roars overhead! (50 exp)
- The rest of the shield-and-spear wielding Denialists close ranks around their priest, whose rhetoric gets loud and god-infused and backed up by facts! (50 exp)
- Mori summons forth a fog, enveloping the Denialists. Within, the sermon gets more heated. "NOWHERE in the Bible does it mention NINE GODS! That dragon is a beast from REVELATIONS 12:9! The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray!" (50 exp)

- To a man, the party's faith is shaken by the righteous rhetoric. More importantly, the Denialist faithful disbelieve all falsehood! The phantasmal form of Ninhursag fades away before their faith! (50 exp)- Turned around in the fog, the Denialists charge forth. A bunch charge POWERLAD, the priest comes off the road and runs into Hacker's Halberdiers, smacking at them with his massive bible! (50 exp)
- Mori discovers that his shamanic north african religion is considered Nonanist, especially by these Denialist types. All religions are a part of the all-encompassing embrace of the Church. (50 exp)
-  POWERLAD punches one of the Denialists in the jaw, sending his teeth flying slo-mo from his head and into his fellow flock. Several fall dead, teeth embedded in brains and throats and hearts. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn finds himself assailed by a man with a sandwichboard shield, flipping his guns over to pistol whip to little avail. (50 exp)
- Hacker's Halberdiers strike at the priest with their garden shears. Fruit farmers, all. The priest himself, though bleeding and in pain, keeps laying about with his huge bible, smacking Extras left and right. (50 exp)
- Mori sneaks into the fog with a pistol loaded with scattershot, emerging to blast the Denialists attacking POWERLAD. Nearly all fall, with POWERLAD ducking to avoid the bulk of the blast. (50 exp)

- The two survivors are neatly taken care of with a single mighty slap! They fly backwards into trees, dead. (50 exp)

- Coalminer Dan, heretofore hiding from the chaos, finds a suspiciously nasty looking poison fang in his (are the his?) bags. He grabs it and runs at the priest! (50 exp)
- Too distracted by the Halberdiers, the priest doesn't react in time to stop Coalminer Dan from jamming the poison fang into his neck. It's a ton of poison. The priest dies almost instantly frothing from the mouth. (50 exp)
- It is quiet again. The echoes of gunshots and combat fade away. Hacker's Halberdiers grab as many spears and shields as they can find, scraping off the religious slogans with whatever they can find. (50 exp)
- Among the dead, they find some cash and a couple of books. Not bad! (50 exp)
- Moondin is ahead, and as they're reaching the gates they find another mob of Denialists chanting and singing! It is late irl, and so suddenly there is a great roaring sound from above. (50 exp)
- It's Magman cult leader Brandon Magnusson on burning wings! He belches forth a great ball of magma from his dwarven mouth, it screams down from the sky and melts every single one of the Denialists! (50 exp)
- Oh there is so much treasure in there that has been melted and evaporated. Gallon upon gallon of Azoth set painfully alight, thousands of gold pieces bursting into ash. What a sight. Oh, what a sight. (50 exp)
- Anyway they're all dead now. The party enter Moondin. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD heads towards Ninhursag to worship. He gains the Devotion of Ninhursag - the ability to bend any glyph containing the Earth rune to his will. (50 exp)
- The rest of the party listen around for rumours. An eventful trip! (50 exp)

Total: 3250 exp

Misc:

- Ace Attorney bonus (50 exp)

- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)

- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)

- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)

- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)

- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)

- Fame bonus (50 exp)

- Heresy bonus (50 exp)

- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)

- Poison is OP bonus (50 exp)

- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)

- Ridiculously Bad Rolling bonus (50 exp)

- SpoOOoOoOooky bonus (50 exp)

- Tactical Fighting bonus (50 exp)

- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)

- WWE bonus (50 exp)

Total: 850 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:

- Remembrancer (Charles / Galaxy Johnson - 100 exp)

- Caller (Tom / Hacker's Halberdiers - 100 exp)

- Mapper (Fraser / Mori - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Fraser / Mori - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)

- Guard ( Kitty / POWERLAD  - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Timothy / Sir Robyn - 100 exp)

- Art Attack bonus (Charles, Timothy, Kitty - 100 exp ea.)
- Attacco d'Arte bonus (Timothy, Kitty - 100 exp ea.)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles, Timothy - 100 exp)
- Cosplay Chaos bonus (Timothy - 100 exp)
- Fiction Fanatic bonus (Tom - 100 exp)
- Office Supply Filcher bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Chippo Man bonus (Timothy*2 - 200 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Fraser, Charles, Timothy - 500 exp ea.)

Active Businesses:

- Honey Healing. Safe. 1106sp. (Bertha)

- Knickers Gloves Bodices. Risky. 1030sp. (Ratimir)
- Blood Honey 4 U. Safe. 515sp. (Sir Robyn) 

Rumours:

- "If you ask around enough for an invitation to Oshregaal's mansion, he will invite you to his feast. He prefers Barbarian guests."
- "Carrowmore folk are good mercenaries, but they sure don't talk much. They're unstoppable because they must be killed seven times in seven ways."
- "The Winged Goblins flying into Dwarrow from the Drudge Wastes are protecting the refugees from angels and demons! They claim to worship the Grudge Drake!"
- "A Termaxian Demonhunter saved my life! She wore a red bracelet and fought with the fury of Hyperjesus himself!"

Death Toll and Injuries:

- Not even one!

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 7 Muscle Wizard: 84055 (Level up at 144000)-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 6 (-30% exp)
- Charles / Galaxy Johnson, Level 5 Elf (Alpdrucke): 36371 (Level up at 48000)-- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 2 (-10% exp)  

- Timothy / Sir Robyn, Level 5 Magic-User: 22592 (Level up at 36000)

- Fraser / Mori, Level 4 Elf (Worriganger): 21560 (Level up at 24000)
- Tom / Hacker's Halberdiers, Level 2 Extras: 1722 (Level up at 3000)
*DING!* +1d12 HP! +1 Named Character! +backstory!
--- Old Man Henderson, Level 0 Elderly Man

Absent or Retired:

- Issy / Sturdy, Level 2 Dwarf: 2773 (Level up at 4400)
- The Dwarfs
--- Randy, Level 4 Hench-Dwarf: 9884 (Level up at 17600)--- Gav, Level 0 Inclusion
- Ollie / Synthia, Level 4 Inheritor: 16935 (Level up at 18000) 
- James / Ratimir, Level 5 Ratman: 20944 (Level up at 24000) 

- Tom / Clarence Eclair, Level 3 Specialist: 3040 (Level up at 6000)

- Tom / Aces Fontaine, Level 1 Specialist: 869 (Level up at 1500)
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 9931 (Level up at 18000)- Imran / Friar, Level 1 Magic User: 1040 (Level up at 2250)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 5 Cleric: 25557 (Level up at 28000)

- Yuri / Bjorn Gunnerson, Level 2 Barbarian: 2278 (Level up at 4000)

- Sunni / Larry's Legends, Level 1 Extras: 758 (Level up at 1500)

- Fraser / Tippin, Level 1 Ratman: 1458 (Level up at 1500)

- Charles / Zena, Level 6 Fighter: 41566 (Level up at 64000)

- Tom / Meteor Power Shower, Level 2 Barbarian: 3061 (Level up at 4000)

- Nix's Retainer

--- Huz, Level 0 Hireling

- Tom / Spicy Mac, Level 2 Halfling: 3457 (Level up at 4000)

- Eleanor / Mugg, Level 2 Fighter: 2357 (Level up at 4000)

- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)

- Amar / Amar's Cleric, Level 1 Cleric: 1413 (Level up at 1750)

- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2084 exp

- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)

- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)

- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)

- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)

- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)