Session 173 - In Which Bagpipes Nearly Ruin Everything

The party descend into the earth! The only thing stopping a good, reliable, risk-minimising delve... the horrific BAGPIPER who continually attracts attention and hatred from one and all!

Sir Robyn raises his children.
Hacker's Halberdiers seize fancy clothes.
Ratimir returns.
POWERLAD blows down a tentacle.
Mori is missed by crossbows.
Galaxy Johnson finds a use for Coalminer Dan.

- Tim draws the SPOOOOKY bagpiper who brings DOOM

- Tom's mid-game doodle

"Betimes to wars, troops bring a minstrel

To stop the soldiers feeling menstrual. Some armies' choir boys praise the Lord, Some bring charioted harpsichord, Some duellists follow duelling banjos, Some, tuneful shouts to guide where their man goes, Some regiments march to toots of trumpets, Some calm the lads with dancing strumpets, Most play the drums; few bring a fiddle, But to play the Hacker lads a diddle, Did one blow shrillish bagpipes gayly, Filling ears with dinful ceilidh, To Powerlad's next daring quest assist Enheartened by their melodist. Now Powerlad had employed one botanist In service to his cause assist. His task (corrupted): find a bane To the tentacles, end this campaign. This slithy refugant knave Instead to a dungeon sought enclave, Armed with vials of deadly taint, Seizing the whole quest in destraint, So the crew ventured b'neath the soil To this loathsome lout embroil. Now dungeons are the realm of Gygax. Enter not without thine broadaxe. First bring ye lumber, steel and flint, So thou hast light by which to squint. In darkness, tempt thou not to eat thy rations, Aband'ning hope for hunger's passions, For when starved of both food and light, And lost 'midst Hades' constant night, Thou'st naught 'gainst lurking nemeses, Thine life but a roll of the d6. For what lurks down in that gaping hole Over which thou vaultest with ten foot pole? What knife into thy vital organs, Strikes the slaves of Demogorgon's? But, with each careful step, behold! The ever distant gleam of gold... Into this Tomb, by son'rous bagpipes rallied, Young Fred and merry mob ensallied. The first foe that their swords would carve: a Slithy swarm of swollen larvae. Venturing 'twixt the walls acrumbling, With Old Man superstitions grumbling, At the next dark corner 'bruptly ganked! By giant maggots prepared and ranked. With pants about their rainbow garters, Natheless the Halberdiers kept to their charter. Round Fred, with feathered hat, they rallied, Then 'gainst the grubs they duly sallied, Their artful swordplay like a dance Embellished by their accoutrements, Frederegar with dual-wield pistols, And fencing unmatched 'twixt here and Bristol, Stabbing polearms, twizz'ling longswords, A porcupine of steel snuffling onwards, Steering the fight; but then: zounds! A blast of acid caused searing wounds To Hacker's men; a new fear nascent, Had attacked the men from circumjacent. A grub of size elephantine, Its acid melting brigandine, Its gaping maw crushing iron Its war cry not unlike the Siren, Ploughed into the unit's rear, But Fred passed leadership for fear, His men with battle gallantry aleaping, Half-swords, pitchforks, sheaves areaping, Stabbing wildly (bagpipes squealing), 'Fore Bodrick's altar-cross the foe killstealing. Left with but a hitpoint nary, The Halberdiers yearned for an apothecary. And vic'try was but a mirage: Arrows, shot and more ranged equipage Past colliflower ears a-whistling And pinging 'mongst their polearms bristling, Bolas tripping men-at-arms prostrate, The barrage causing some t'absquatulate. But with the fog of war a-clearing, And their new assailants through it leering, Up leapt mead-lipped Fred'regar, His tales of exploits near and far, The sorrowful men's hearts alifting, Once more the tide of battle shifting. A charge from Sir Rob and Powerlad, Coalminer Dan and Mori (an elven cad) Slew their foes, with battle-thrill, Double-Triple-Quadra Kill! Though vict'ry came, this famous fray Brought tears of joy and great dismay. For many soldiers, slaughtered like cattle, Would never again march to battle. "
- The further song of Hacker's Halberdiers!

Session 173 - In Which Bagpipes Nearly Ruin Everything

Campaign Date:

Monday, 26 February, 1601

Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous

Zodiac: Aquarius

New Backstory:

- One of Hacker's Halberdiers, known only as the Bagpiper, was a member of a secret bagpiper society. He was too good and thus the reason the secret society fell apart. (+1 to hit vs leaders)

Enemies Defeated:

- A sewn-up man (25 exp)
- Like 20 smaller grubs (200 exp)
- One very big grub (100 exp)
- A small cadre of knotsmen (300 exp)

Total: 625 exp

Treasure and Equipment:

- 25sp (25 exp)
- 1000sp-worth of fancy clothing (1000 exp)
- Rough plate armour
- A light crossbow
- Six wire-trailing bolts
- A long knife

Total: 1025 exp

Exploration:

- Explored further Biohazard Zone (100 exp)
- First party to enter the Pearl Mine (200 exp)
- Explored 5 dungeon areas (100 exp)

Total: 400 exp

Events:

- It is the evening after the eels ate up all the spider eggs in the party's bellies and everyone is spending their time recuperating. (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson peeks inside the sack Arach-Nacha is contained within, she sees she's starving. (50 exp)
- Figuring that this lust demon needs lust to feast upon, he asks POWERLAD and Bertha to make out in the spider queen's line of sight. They do so, POWERLAD somewhat awkwardly, but Bertha's a professional. (50 exp)

- Sir Robyn constucts a sort of creche for the rapidly growing demon spider babies. His raccoons help to keep order. He spends the evening telling them of the evil spider witch who tempts little spiders away from their daddy. (50 exp)
- The next morning the party is REFRESHED and ready to take on the Biohazard Zone, find Isen Heisenberg, and generally find out what the hell's going on with his poison stuff. Plans to assist in the defence of the Barrowmaze are tabled for now. (50 exp)
- On the way back to the largest cancer-tentacle, the party is stopped by a squad of militia who are trying to stop people entering the area. The tentacles are very active, and there's been a robbery! (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn shows the leader a certificate full of legal nonsense and explains that they are on official business. Cowed by the legalese mind trick, the party is let through. (50 exp)

- Also on the way, drakencultists fly overhead on leathery wings. POWERLAD flexes his massive muscles and waves one of them down. (50 exp)
- The cultist lands in front of him, she's very impressed by his physique. She informs him that they're investigating reports of a robbery, disappearances at the hands of creepy hunched men, fat white parasitic grubs all up in the tentacles. (50 exp)
- She flies off back to her group and the party continue on, soon reaching the area with the fishmonger they were in before. (50 exp)
- Fredregar immediately runs to the Haberdashery and kicks open the door. The man inside cowers! Hacker's Halberdiers pile in after him. (50 exp)
- The rest of the party ignore this and continue on, baffled. They don't hear the screams. (50 exp)
- As they approach an open space in front of the church, a shot rings out above the group's head! A voice from the belltower yells down "Don't come any closer! I've got thousands of guns and I'll use them!" (50 exp)
--- The Haberdashery
- The haberdasher cowers behind the counter, slamming his hand on a bell behind the counter. The bell over the door rings slow-slow-slow, the door to the back room bursts open, and a big fat man with buttons for eyes and stitched-closed mouth and pins under his fingers is framed in the doorway. (50 exp)

- Fredregar spins and runs to the kicked-down door, but it's closed and locked! There is no escape! He turns to see the pin-man slashing out at the Halberdiers! (50 exp)
- One of the Halberdiers blasts it with a scattershot round while the priest runs in with a massive cross and smashes it in the head! It dies, fitfully. (50 exp)
- Fredregar drags the haberdasher from behind the counter and slams him on top of it. The Halberdiers torture the guy with feathers and he screams, telling them that the cloth man was his master. (50 exp)
- Before Fredregar's horrified eyes, stitching begins zipping up and down the haberdasher's mouth and he begins to inflate with stuffing. (50 exp)
- They flee! Grabbing all the fancy clothing off the racks they can grab at short notice and looting the cash register! The bell jangles behind them as they flee. (50 exp)
--- The Church
- Dust from a stone wall rains down from the bullethole above the party's head. POWERLAD grows BIG and jump-flies right up to the belltower! The man inside yelps! (50 exp)

- POWERLAD sees the guy fall backwards, hurriedly reloading his musket. He certainly doesn't have a thousand guns. When POWERLAD seems non-threatening, he relaxes and apologises. (50 exp)
- He says he's here to hunt down Moldus Vane, an old priest who's still making mischief in the area. The rest of his crew died when the tentacles went crazy, so he fled here. He did see Isen Heisenberg fly in before the tentacle burst happened. (50 exp)
- As a matter of fact he saw exactly where Isen went - down a big pit nearby where they mined the false Raise Pearls that got sold on the black market in Fate. He points it out, it's visible from the belltower. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD jumps back down to the party and directs them towards the pit. Hacker's Halberdiers have arrived, all wearing a ridiculous number of fancy layers. One of them hands Sir Robyn the secrete he ordered, picked up in their rush to escape. (50 exp)
- On the way they pass the massive main tentacle. It's grown through a civic centre and chanting comes from within. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD decides to try something. He jumps up again, floats in front of the tentacle, and breathes his Size Breath - the whole middle portion of the tentacle shrinks to half its size, leaving a very thin piece of tentacle holding up a very large top. (50 exp)
- The top plummets, no longer held up by good strong cancer, and smashes onto the top of the hall, smashing it in! (50 exp)
- A very strange puppet-esque figure emerges from a doorway and looks up as POWERLAD darts back down to the main group. Several more follow, yammering in a strange tongue. One even floats in the air above the hall. (50 exp)
- The party hurries swiftly on. They reach the fenced-off pit, seeing a sign above the gate that says "Moondin Pearl Mining Company". (50 exp)

- They descend. At the bottom a tunnel leads underground towards a three-way fork. Lights on! Ahead, the lights refract from a body of water. The Halberdier's service dog barks loudly and voices come from one of the tunnels deeper. (50 exp)
- They head towards the voices. After some initial "stop right there!" POWERLAD steps forward. The voices are relieved! It turns out there's some guards down here who've locked themselves behind a barricade for protection. (50 exp)
- There is a rock grub queen down here, the operation disrupted by the masses of cancerous tentacles causing earthquakes all around. Apparently the false pearl technique requires rock grub eggs and "a black magical liquid" - azoth! (50 exp)
- These are the last of the guards remaining after Isen Heisenberg breathed deadly poison all over them. They fled to this bivouac to escape, especially after the rock grub larvae started hatching. (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson puts his shackles back on, turning back into Coalminer Dan. Dan, an experienced miner obviously, recognises that this "mine" is clearly fake. More of a set than an actual mine. (50 exp)

- Ratimir sends out a host of rats to map the area. They come back giving info about a big grub, a body of water, and a few other things. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD asks the guards to guard the entrance for them, and they gratefully agree. (50 exp)
- Ratimir sends out more rats, mapping the whole area. One of them brings back word that there's a stairway down! Good rat. Another tells of some strange men in one of the caves. (50 exp)
- Before heading into the stairway room, POWERLAD checks the strange men with heartbeat vision. It's tremendously effective, showing hunched-over figures with pulsing painful knots of arteries protruding from their flesh. (50 exp)
- Behind POWERLAD, a horrific sound! A nightmarish squealing and howling noise ricochets down the tunnel, battering the eardrums in this enclosed space! The Bagpiper is here! (50 exp)

- At the noise, the hunched men startle. One aims something down the corridor. POWERLAD tells everyone to run! (50 exp)
- They hustle to the stairs and find that the cave in front of them is swarming with fat white maggots! They are stained purple, but the stain is already rubbing off. A great maggot behind them wriggles and hisses and coughs! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD and the Halberdier's dog are in front of the first wave. The maggots' contra-rotating teeth drill straight through the dog, splashing blood everywhere, while another manages to get its teeth into POWERLAD's chest! (50 exp)

- He punches the grub on his chest super hard, it explodes into a web spell! There is some swift arguing about who has fire and why, before Ratimir dives forward with a tinderbox and sets the web alight! (50 exp)
- The grubs caught in the blast burn, popping like popcorn. Many smaller baby grubs sizzle in the fire. Behind them the mother grub squeals, lamenting. She spits globs of acid from her spinning maw. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD jumps through the burning remains of the web, smashing a hole right through the great grub! Hacker's Halberdiers finish it off, charging in a great mob with their massive zweihanders! (50 exp)

- The big grub is chunked. Next to Mori, a very strange crossbow bolt smacks into the wall near his head. Oh no! (50 exp)
- The bolt clearly has points that lever out, making removal difficult, and a thin length of some clear wire leads back into the darkness. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD grabs the bolt and tries to pull whatever's on the end of it towards him, but the wire is cut and the line goes slack. (50 exp)
- They duck out of the line of fire, and a plaintive voice says "please please, they send me to speak to you! Don't shoot!" (50 exp)
- Rounding the corner is a man, clearly from Moondin, with his intestines teased out of a hole in his belly and knotted tightly. POWERLAD gets him to talk, he's a slave of these Knotsmen from deep in the earth. (50 exp)
- He says that they saw a dragon man heading down the way the party were going to be heading. He is convinced to follow the party, but when he tries it he's pulled back by the feet! He falls on his intestinal knot, shrieking! (50 exp)
- Fuck this, there is a life to save! Bagpipes blaring, the Halberdiers rush into the darkness! One blasts a scattershot, killing one, while Fredregar double-crits another with his massive greatsword! (50 exp)

- But something very strange happens. The man's blood-knots glow redly in the dark, and he is suddenly juuuust ducking under the deadly blade. The side of the sword slides over so so close to his skin, ripping the clothing, but the man himself is unscathed?! (50 exp)

- One of the creatures flings heavy bolas at the Extras, toppling them like ninepins, and POWERLAD leaps over the fallen with his hammer! To his dismay, the hammer shatters on the ground, the knotsman's luck holds up again! (50 exp)
- Mori throws up a Light spell, lighting the room, and the knotsmen are revealed! One has plate armour on, the others begin to withdraw. (50 exp)
- "Do not approach us! We will enslave you!" they yell, and flee to the next room. They leave their plate-and-crossbow compatriot behind. (50 exp)
- The plated man screams, hurriedly reloading his crossbow. Up close, POWERLAD can see how the armour strains against his painful knots as he weeps. (50 exp)
- One punch is all it takes, the plated knotsman dies. The body is looted, finding a crossbow and several of those strange bolts, his plate armour with rough and unpolished inner surfaces, and a long knife useful for cutting thin wire. (50 exp)
- The intestine-knot guy screams that he's been doomed. Only his master can unpick his intestine knot, and now he will starve! He cries, broken and doomed, before taking his own life. (50 exp)
- Hacker's Halberdiers can be seen eating in the background, most of them look badly hurt! The party withdraws to the entrance and the safety of the guard post to rest and plan their next moves.  (50 exp)

Total: 3000 exp

Misc:

- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Ace Attorney bonus (50 exp)

- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)

- Antagonist Antagoniser bonus (50 exp)

- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)

- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)

- Breach and Clear bonus (50 exp)

- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)

- Child Murderer bonus (50 exp)

- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)

- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)

- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)

- Enmity Inciter bonus (50 exp)

- Fame bonus (50 exp)

- Freudian bonus (50 exp)

- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)

- Kill It With Fire bonus (50 exp)

- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)

- Noblebright bonus (50 exp)

- PETA bonus (50 exp)

- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)

- Tactical Fighting bonus (50 exp)

- WWE bonus (50 exp)

Total: 1200 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:

- Remembrancer (Charles / Galaxy Johnson - 100 exp)

- Caller (James / Ratimir - 100 exp)

- Mapper (Fraser / Mori - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Tom / Hacker's Halberdiers - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)

- Guard ( Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Timothy / Sir Robyn - 100 exp)

- Art Attack bonus (Charles, Timothy, Tom - 100 exp ea.)
- Attacco d'Arte bonus (Timothy - 100 exp)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Fiction Fanatic bonus (Tom - 100 exp)
- Chippo Man bonus (Kitty*2 - 200 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Charles, Timothy, Kitty - 500 exp ea.)

Active Businesses:

- Honey Healing. Safe. 1106sp. (Bertha)

- Knickers Gloves Bodices. Risky. 1030sp. (Ratimir)
- Blood Honey 4 U. Safe. 515sp. (Sir Robyn) 

Rumours:

-

Death Toll and Injuries:

- Someone's dog

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 7 Muscle Wizard: 86868 (Level up at 144000)-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 7 (-35% exp)
- Charles / Galaxy Johnson, Level 5 Elf (Alpdrucke): 39343 (Level up at 48000)-- Devotee of Ereshkigal, Bond 1 (-5% exp) --- Old Man Henderson, Level 0 Octogenarian

- Timothy / Sir Robyn, Level 5 Magic-User: 26157 (Level up at 36000)

- James / Ratimir, Level 5 Ratman: 22086 (Level up at 24000)  
- Fraser / Mori, Level 5 Elf (Worriganger): 24025 (Level up at 48000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 L3 spell/day! +1 L1 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!- Tom / Hacker's Halberdiers, Level 3 Extras: 4487 (Level up at 6000)

Absent or Retired:

- Issy / Sturdy, Level 2 Dwarf: 3596 (Level up at 4400)  
- The Dwarfs
--- Randy, Level 4 Hench-Dwarf: 9884 (Level up at 17600)--- Gav, Level 0 Inclusion
- Ollie / Synthia, Level 4 Inheritor: 17135 (Level up at 18000)  

- Tom / Aces Fontaine, Level 1 Specialist: 869 (Level up at 1500)
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 9931 (Level up at 18000)- Imran / Friar, Level 1 Magic User: 1040 (Level up at 2250)
- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 5 Cleric: 25557 (Level up at 28000)

- Yuri / Bjorn Gunnerson, Level 2 Barbarian: 2278 (Level up at 4000)

- Sunni / Larry's Legends, Level 1 Extras: 758 (Level up at 1500)

- Fraser / Tippin, Level 1 Ratman: 1458 (Level up at 1500)

- Charles / Zena, Level 6 Fighter: 41566 (Level up at 64000)

- Tom / Meteor Power Shower, Level 2 Barbarian: 3061 (Level up at 4000)

- Nix's Retainer

--- Huz, Level 0 Hireling

- Tom / Spicy Mac, Level 2 Halfling: 3457 (Level up at 4000)

- Eleanor / Mugg, Level 2 Fighter: 2357 (Level up at 4000)

- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)

- Amar / Amar's Cleric, Level 1 Cleric: 1413 (Level up at 1750)

- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2084 exp

- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)

- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)

- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)

- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)

- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)