Session 257 - Chasing the Crystal Dragon

After leaving the dangerous high level zone of the Dino-Dome the party find themselves on a nice, relaxing trip back to - A DRAGON?!

I'm telling you, these things always show up when Tom turns up for the first time in a while!

And on top of that, another rare encounter! This one with Gifflewim, back once again!

How very exciting!

Session 257 - Chasing the Crystal Dragon

Date:

February. 15 years after the End.

New Characters:
- Rivière, a death cultist Necromancer who immediately swore himself to Drake Blackthorn’s service. Survival through death!

New Backstory:
- Nobody hubristically challenged a god-like being and was punished terribly for it. At-will, force a creature to prioritise you.
- Drake Blackthorn was terribly overweight for a time due to a very calorific concoction he made in his lab. +1 AC for ten minutes after downing alcohol.
- Jeremy Wizard has a crush on Red after having her take him under her wing. It’s a seeeecret crush though, especially since Red has the emotional intelligence of a wooden spoon. If your crush would be damaged in combat, you can jump in the way and take double the damage instead.

Events:

--- The Road Ahead
- It’s time to leave Enoch and head across the snowy wastes to New Moondin - taking the party’s vast supplies of iron rations to people who’ll actually appreciate them. It’s at least a couple of days travel though, and gods know what happened to their off-road wagons after Dargo ascended.
- Thankfully they’ve got a fair bit of social capital after giving their dinosaur meat to the people of Enoch, so they get them to bodge together a wagon! Between that and the recently reclaimed Skele-bike from the local mass graves, they’re in business!
- The plan is to take a wagon-load of iron rations to New Moondin, cash them in for wagon money, then schlep it back to Enoch for the rest. Pearl promises to keep the rations safe - the people of Enoch are tired of iron rations anyway.

--- Crystal Disaster
- They make good time on the actual real roads! Turns out wagons are meant to travel on roads, not jounce through thick jungle! Who knew! It’s still winter so the days are short, but thankfully Andromeda is happy to take a shift as the vampire night-driver.
- They reach a crossroads and turn south towards Kink, following an old map from before the Apocalypse. All goes well until Andromeda hears a shattering crunching sound as if they’re rolling over broken glass! She looks down and sees icy crystalline structures growing around the wheels, slowing them down!
- She yells to the others for help and they emerge from the cabin, trying to get the ice off with heat runes and chipping away at the axle, but it’s to no avail. The ice is actually crystal! Andromeda has a horrifying realisation just as Jeremy Wizard points overhead! It’s a crystal dragon, drifting in from above, heralded by sweet crystal chimes!

- Andromeda decouples the skele-bike and does some burnouts to stop it locking up, Jeremy dives into the wagon, and the dragon crackles past overhead.
- There is a moment as it seems to have just flown past… then the barrage of crystal shards hits! The jagged razor-edged crystals pepper the wagon, scything through the roof and tearing through the people within! Drake Blackthorn loses some fingers and Rivière takes massive tearing damage that shatters his collarbone. Worse - the breath has left behind swarms of whirring sharp minions that seek to finish the job!
- Andromeda screeches round in the direction of the dragon, guns the bike, then blasts out of her armour in bat form! She zooms up as fast as her wings can carry her, shifts back into naked vampire form, and bites its crystal hide! It initially throws her off, but she recovers and sends it rolling off into the near distance!
- Drake patches up his bleeding and makes a dash for the skele-bike with Nobody, while Jeremy Wizard tries to clear out the sharp minions with a grenade throw! The grenade bounces off the inside of the window frame and Jeremy looks at it with horror as it explodes! Jeremy and Rivière are blasted out of the wagon! Jeremy straight up at an angle, Rivière out the window.
- Rivière falls through the air, sharp minions swirling and twirling to catch him as he flies. With the last of his strength he casts Dig Grave - but the spell goes awry and a Chaos Burst is released. The grave appears beneath him…

- Rivière’s heart explodes in his chest and he thumps into the grave like a sack of meat.

- BUT! The Chaos Burst was merely one of temporary death! He will arise in 24 hours in this place in the same condition he was in when he died! The true power of the death cultist, life-in-death!

- The dragon turns in a lazy circle, Andromeda still clinging to its back, and swoops in for another pass. Nobody picks the bike back up and hops on the back so that Drake can drive.
- Drake is sliced by the sharp whirring swarms and briefly passes out, but Andromeda shoots a ranged lightning-heal from above! To her dismay it passes through the dragon without harming it, but at least Drake is back up and on the bike! The display of Clerical magic triggers something in Nobody and he zaps a second lightning-heal towards the still-airborne Jeremy Wizard, destroying some shard-swarms on the way!
- Drake revs the necro-bike and Nobody is suddenly smacked from behind by a huge lump of flesh. It wraps around him and, horrified, he sees its face - it’s Jeremy Wizard! He turned into flesh-goop form to survive the fall, and to fit on the bike!
- Perturbed but somehow ok with this, Nobody turns in his seat and takes out the Mag-Cannon. He fires it up at the dragon, hoping to scare it off, and suddenly realises that he is the one who’s scared! The dragon swooping down on him is scary as fuck! He’s gonna die!
- Thankfully Drake is fucking fast, and Andromeda is slowing down the incoming dragon. Drake guns the necro-bike and they’re away! Nobody sprays the wagon, and the remaining swarms of crystal minions, with his uzi as they escape.

- Andromeda sees they’ve got away and turns into gas form. The confused dragon circles a few times then flies off, leaving Andromeda to drift down after the rest of the party. An excellent escape!

--- Return to Kink
- After several hours the skelebike rolls up into Kink with no additional problems, except for the time when Jeremy Wizard’s body popped back into shape. Andromeda turns up soon after, having travelled by wolf form.
- They break into the basement that the lust demon used to live in and those who need to sleep do so. Andromeda pokes around the town, finding a stonemason’s with some statues in it. She heads  back to the wagon by bike and picks it up along with her somewhat rain-eaten armour. Thankfully the dragon is gone, along with its crystal environmental effects.

--- So Close to Home
- In the morning there’s a bit of a delay as Drake fixes up everyone’s stuff, repairing armour and fixing the wagon. It really took a beating! He also slaps together some shields from various detritus in the dead village, and constructs replacement fingers for those he lost to the dragon’s crystal breath.
- They ride back to New Moondin, wary for dragons again. They pass by a grouping of angels with not much fuss, Nobody staying in front of the Chaotic people to foil alignment scans, and take the winding turn up through the hills to New Moondin.
- They pass through the edge of the Storm Shell for the first time in months! The air inside is cleaner, the acid rain less acidic. It doesn’t feel quite as good as it used to though - the rain’s just a little bit more itchy than it used to be.

--- Gifflewim

- As they cross the familiar bridge across the deep gorge to New Moondin, they hear some haunting bassoon music drifting through the rain. It’s Gifflewim! Everyone’s favourite arguably-legit semi-trustworthy merchant friend!

- He gives them the latest - Styx is in control of New Moondin, the Brotherhood have fled and are lying low in Prepperton, and the Necromancers have teamed up with Singular Thay somewhere in the Fallow. It’s a real pickle.
- Trading ensues. He gives Jeremy the Snels Virus in exchange for his soul. To get his soul back Gifflewim will take a dragon heart. Nobody asks for a shortcut to Prepperton in exchange for a secret. That secret - he’s been Damnation Snels all along! Except slightly younger! And probably from the Matrix we don’t know!
- Andromeda trades the jar of her own vampire grave dirt to Gifflewim. He gives everyone cool black cloaks and a couple of glowing gems - one takes them to Prepperton, the other takes them to the Underhive beneath New Moondin. The black cloaks will protect them during the teleport, it’s dangerous otherwise.
- They do this now, triggering the Prepperton stone and vanishing in a puff of darkness!
- They emerge from a bonfire in the middle of Prepperton, shocking the gathered populace! They step out of the flames and Snels’ hood falls down, revealing his face! A number of people fall to their knees - Damnation Snels! Returned from the dead as was prophesied!

Total: 5000 exp

Team Bonus:

- Balls to the Wall bonus
- Best of Intentions bonus
- Better Part of Valour bonus
- Classic Charles bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus
- Dramatic Rescue bonus
- Dramatic Chase bonus
- Dramatic Escape bonus
- Fame bonus
- Hard Bargain bonus
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus
- Long Deliberation bonus
- Ludicrous Gore bonus
- Mad Inventor bonus
- Michael Bay bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Pyrrhic Victory bonus

Total: 850 exp

Individual Bonus:

- Chronicler (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (George / Damnation Snels - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Tom / Rivière - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Tom / Rivière - 100 exp)

- Vanguard (Russell / Drake Blackthorn - 100 exp)
- Chef (George / Damnation Snels - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Tom, Charles - 500 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Attacco d’Arte bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Near Death Experience bonus (Rivière, Drake - 100 exp ea.)

Serious Injuries:
- Drake Blackthorn lost some fingers.
- Rivière has a broken collarbone. Recovery time: 1d6+6 weeks.

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 7 Andromedan Vampire: 139554 (Level up at 144000)

- George / Damnation Snels, Level 6 Born Again Barbarian: 34392 (Level up at 64000)

- Charles / Jeremy Wizard, Level 5 Magic-User: 24810 (Level up at 36000)

- Russell / Drake Blackthorn, Level 3 Specialist: 4510 (Level up at 6000)

- Tom / Rivière, Level 1 Necromancer: 1470 (Level up at 2250)

Session 256 - The Great Devourer

One heckin' big surprise of a session! Dargo becomes a new God! The Styxmind is imprisoned! On top of that, check this out. Tim made the joke that "all are one in the Dharga", riffing on the Dharma. And then I absolutely cannot believe this - a Dargah is already a thing! So good!

In other news the rest are finally out of the Dino-Dome and into the teeth of winter. Good times! I'm going to be adding Dhargism into the religious canon if anybody wants to follow a flesh god that will seed the world with new life. Thanks to Timothy who wrote the whole Darghism religion out (I only changed a couple of observances I swear). You can find that here - Darghism.

Right, less than half an hour to the session. I'd better send this out!

Session 256 - The Great Devourer

Date:

February. 15 years after the End.

Character List:

- Andromeda, Andromedan Vampire / Kitty
- Ratman, Ratman / Izzy
- Nobody, Barbarian / George

New Characters:
- Jeremy Wizard, indome last-lifer who was a not-great plague doctor in one of the simulations. Owes a small fortune in premium mobile gems to “student loans”, allegedly.
- Drake Blackthorn, doctor and scientist who is certainly not from student loans.

New Backstory:
- Nobody was the leader of a gang - Nobody’s Heroes. They all emulated Nobody’s style and vaguely villainous demeanour. Give an order to someone once per round, if they follow your order they get +1 to their roll to do it.

Foes:

- Styxmind Incarnate (1500 exp)
- Raccobyn Fusion Finale (1500 exp)
Total: 3000 exp

Loot:
- 135 Giganotosaurus steaks (135 exp)
Total: 135 exp

Events:

--- Meat Feast
- We begin where we left off - at the massive corpse of the recently killed Giganotosaurus. The party is busily chopping it up for meat. Dargo even tears off a whole haunch! They pile the lot into their wagons and roll off following the treeline, the weather a light drizzle.
- In time they reach the side of the great diamond dome itself. There is a great crack in the side and shattered angel corpses scattered around. Clearly the place that the Lady breached the dome in her massive Seraphim. Also here is confused new party member Jeremy Wizard.
- Weapons are scratch-built from the sharp diamond shards and pieces of angels. Red gives him one of the new diamond swords so he’s got something to stab with, making sure he knows not to attack her dino-kids.

- They continue into the jungle, following the side of the dome and hacking their way through the dense foliage. It’s slow going, but they keep on keeping on.

- An hour or so into the jungle they realise that they’re being stalked by big felids of some kind. Nobody chucks chunks of dino-meat into the jungle to distract them and the beasts run off into the woods to feast. Safe!
- They break through the jungle and into scrubland as evening falls, camping out and eating chunks of giganotosaurus.

--- Sad Robot
- The morning brings intense humidity. Those in the air-conditioned cancer armour are protected, of course. Red hears a mechanical sobbing sound as they head off, and investigates to find a strange cylindrical robot carving wooden graves for some dismembered people. While initially cautious, it calls itself either “Boris” or “Microsoft Bob” depending on how well it knows you.
- After a bit of chat they discover that it’s a he, and he is a custodian-class robot built to keep the dome intact. He failed, obviously.
- He knows exactly where the exit from the dome is and leads them straight there, robot and wagons rumbling over the wrinkled scrubland through the oppressive heat.

--- Dargo Unchained

- They reach the exit and Boris the Robot interfaces with the exit. The door hisses open… and Red’s backstory bullshit activates! Smoke billows out revealing a small green shape flanked by smaller beasts. “Oh hi Red!” says Sir Robyn in a squeaky goblin voice.
- They briefly discuss Sir Robyn’s relationship with Red, how he’s dead in every timeline but totally not, and how Styx is his enemy. Red kicks off her big plan - call down Styx to fight Sir Robyn! She turns her gun on her father and calls Styx on her earpiece. There’s a green flash from above, an impact on the ground nearby, and a green bulb blooms into a wide flower with a figure meditating in the centre. It has green skin, and many many arms, and many many faces. The Styxmind is here!
- The party attacks the Styxmind! Ratman sends in a suicide wave of grenade-rats! Red throws Lonely Blade who emerges from the weapon with eight swords in his eight limbs! The others blast in with whatever they have to hand! The Styxmind is blown to shreds in a shower of light and flame!
- There’s a beat as the smoke clears… and vegetation from the local area is swarming into the blast zone, building into the Styxmind again and then continuing, growing, exploding upwards to create a massive vegetable avatar!
- Sir Robyn’s raccoons shoot their master in the head then high-five and combine with the corpse, erupting up into a massive raccoon monster. Law Itself versus Chaos Incarnate! But which is which??

- They clash in a titanic struggle! Dargo tells the others to GO and turns towards the battle. He draws on the power of Shub-Niggurath - dormant within him - and grows massive himself! It is the nature of Dargo to CONSUME.

- In the maelstrom the rest of the party, with the help of Andromeda’s void powers, chucks everything from the wagons onto the conveyor belt out and bail! All they can hear outside of the long tunnel out of this place is a great rumbling. A fleshy root bursts from the ceiling. The emergency lights flicker. Something screams in a thousand tongues.

- Outside, the Styxmind is pushed back by the Raccoon kaiju. The Styxmind tries to counter, its hundred arms wielding a hundred weapons whirling, and fleshy roots erupt from the earth and trap it in a cage of meat! The Styxmind rages as the earth churns around it, burying it beneath the swollen bulk of a hideous flesh-tree growing miles high. A corpulent Yggdrasil to forever imprison the Styxhoggr who gnaws and is gnawed by the root of the world.

- The Dargo-Tree grows high and fat, great cysts and organs and lymph and pus sweating from its pulsing flesh. Great bony claws crack the sky, piercing the diamond dome and spreading through, black blood and bile spraying into the cold air beyond and slopping down the dome’s sides.

- It is a new God. A dread God. A Tree of Life. An unholy Yggdrasil. Forbidden flesh and succulent fruit. Corruption and Creation. A God unbound by the rule of Law.
- All Hail Dargo - God of Life.

--- Winter Snow
- When they emerge from the conveyor belt, dumped unceremoniously into the snow amongst barrels and barrels of rations, they find everything is oddly silent. Suddenly thrust from humid heat into a bitter blizzard, they have a moment to recover from the storm of deific power they just witnessed.
- They are on the shore of a frozen lake. Shattered-glass sounds crinkle from far above as the new God spreads its limbs. A sign points them onwards though, and under the circumstances they decide to follow. It leads through to a well-made by uninspiring hut full of beds, chests, and tutorial signs. It’s the tutorial hut that the people of Enoch built for new starters coming out of Fate!
- After four days there is an ominous knock at the door! A gravelly voice intones that the blizzard is over. Jeremy hides in fear of student loans. Red immediately tries to make friends. This is new character Drake Blackthorn, scientist and doctor.

--- Enoch Bound
- They head off to Enoch through flurries of snow, soon coming to a cold old lady under a terrible lean-to. She’s freezing, but apparently has to be here to welcome new survivors now that everyone’s on their last life. Now that it’s their last life, the no-longer-immortal population regret making all the wizards with their “cheats” head off to Ai to the north.
- She guides them to the one big warm hall in Enoch, telling them there’s lots of food there. Pearl is within, and she’s stoked to see everyone! There is legitimately lots of food, but it’s all protein bars and jars of bland grey powder. It’s mostly real, but a quick toke of weed reveals the truth - it’s all a bit more shit than it seems. Not so many fires, not so much light, nothing to spice up the bland meals. At least it’s not a classic “food that isn’t really food” trick!
- Pearl chats a while, granting everyone rad illusory clothes so they feel fancy. She’s desperate to give these people something that’s not their dwindling iron rations, and thankfully the party can provide! Giganotosaurus meat for all!
- As they feast, Pearl tells the party the situation as she knows it in New Moondin. The town itself was taken over by a Seraphim, but there’s a resistance movement to take it back centred on Pearl’s one-time ally Singular Thay. She’s not been back there for a while since she’s been looking after Enoch, so that’s all she knows...

Total: 5000 exp

Team Bonus:

- Absolutely Disgusting bonus
- Ace Attorney bonus
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus
- Balls to the Wall bonus
- Best of Intentions bonus
- Better Part of Valour bonus
- Classic Charles bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus
- Dramatic Escape bonus
- Fame bonus
- Freudian bonus
- Heresy bonus
- Holy bonus
- Leave a God Behind bonus
- Ludicrous Gore bonus
- Monster Infighting bonus
- Next to Godliness bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Pyrrhic Victory bonus
- Schindler’s bonus
- Vore bonus
- What The Fuck Guys bonus

Total: 1100 exp

Individual Bonus:

- Chronicler (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (George / Nobody - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Izzy / Ratman - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Timothy / Red - 100 exp)

- Vanguard (Russell / Drake Blackthorn - 100 exp)
- Triage (Timothy / Red - 100 exp)
- Chef (George / Nobody - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Izzy, Kitty, Timothy*2 - 500 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Timothy, Izzy - 100 exp)
- Attacco d’Arte bonus (Timothy - 100 exp)
- Good End bonus (Russell - 500 exp)
- Noble Sacrifice bonus (Russell - 1000 exp)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 7 Andromedan Vampire: 138284 (Level up at 144000)

- Tim / Red, Level 7 Duellist Fighter: 75961 (Level up at 128000)

- Izzy / Ratman, Level 7 Ratman: 65660 (Level up at 96000)
- Russell / Dargo, Level 6 Inheritor
*ASCENSION TO GODHOOD*

- George / Nobody, Level 6 Barbarian: 33022 (Level up at 64000)
Level Up! +1d8 HP! +2 Barbarian Rolls! +Backstory!

- Charles / Jeremy Wizard, Level 5 Magic-User: 22940 (Level up at 36000)
Level Up! +1d4 HP! +1 Mana! +1 Free Spell! +Backstory!
Level Up! +1d4 HP! +1 Mana! +1 Free Spell! +Backstory!
Level Up! +1d4 HP! +1 Mana! +1 Free Spell! +Backstory!
Level Up! +1d4 HP! +1 Mana! +1 Free Spell! +Backstory!

- Russell / Drake Blackthorn, Level 3 Specialist: 3140 (Level up at 6000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!