Session 460 - How Did We Get Here

Date: 25 August 1626

Zenith: Minerva

Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous

Moon Face: Dragon Face (Tidelocked)

Revealed Backstory:

- Benito Brazil pissed off the King of Brazil and confronted him, leading to Benito's exile. May cause creatures to prioritise him at will.

Events:

--- Late to the Party

- We return to the party who have recently found their way into a mansion of some sort in the Gardens of Ynn, accessed by a mirror that was recently stolen by Masvani who didn't realise at the time that it had to remain in place to work its magic.

- Also, Hammer Hatmakerson has returned! And somehow found his way into the manor within Ynn! As have his cavemen buddies!

- Good thing too because a golden crocodile on the fountain in the antechamber has just come alive and bared its golden teeth, making a beeline straight for Benito!

- Hammer chucks a magic sword at Benito (presumably a dime a dozen) and Benito swings down on the crocodile! It pings from its metal hide and seems to have missed... but oh wait he's religious! It hits!
- Hammer and his cavemen follow up and through some alarmingly big rolls utterly destroy it. Ooga booga indeed.

--- Where My Stuff Man

- Just to remind everyone, we are actually here because Benito got drunk and his stuff got nicked by a strange man.
- To that end, they explore through a couple of rooms until they find... a balcony overlooking a stage! A passing goat man is interrogated and they discover that Benito's stuff is indeed her, a man carried it past half an hour ago. However it miiiggght have been turned into stage props by Extras quasi-magic.

- Benito shouts, nay DEMANDS from the balcony that they need to put on a play about Brazil. He's surprised when a huge papier-mache King Kong emerges!

- The man of the house, Scilloideae, is the play's director and he's livid about what just happened (and baffled by the big gorilla).
- Thankfully Benito is there to explain. He got drunk in Bell and just wants his stuff back.

- After some conversation the director is happy to give said stuff back. All the glitter-covered cardboard copies of Benito's gear are gathered and, with a click of Scilloideae's fingers, returned to normal. Hurrah!

- With all that received, and with no easy way out due to Masvani's mirror theft, they're forced to head back out into Ynn and hope they can find their way home through the gardens.

--- Sail Away Sail Away Sail Away

- They exit into Ynn and the first thing they see is a great big ship up the top of a big cool jaggedy mountain. The ship itself is built around and on a floating rock which is currently not floating very much, so just a big normal rock really.
- They investigate and find a Red Elf is in there, struggling to get the rock going. Also he has the worst Jamaican accent but people seemed to enjoy it?

- All it takes is one touch from Benito's hand and the rock starts floating again. This seems way too easy but maaaybe there's a lore reason.

- They start flying the shape of the Broligarchy and hey! I shuffled the deck wrong! They're out of there already!

- And here's Masvani too! Lovely!

--- Martian Concerns

- Despite the party's previously established pro-genocide position vis-a-vis the Red Elves, after actually meeting one they're all suddenly going back on their previous position. Funny how that works.
- Turns out the Red Elf colonists have nowhere to go back to since Mars vanished approx 8 months ago, plus their brethren have died over and over until they turned into the horrible space tadpoles seen recently.
- Hang on actually this is possibly the best out of context line of the season -
- "They need to head back to the Goblin Wastes and find Hidra to get Mars in preparation for Christmas so they can put Mars back"

- It's a long way back, but they can follow the old King's Road to the edge of the wastes.

--- Onwards in a Different Boat

- Now that they've got Masvani and his silly boat that runs on many skeleton legs, it's time to set off again!

- As they approach Swansburg (nee Salivasburg, nee Salisburgh) there is a brief encounter with giant cockroaches, but it's not much to write home about beyond some extra armfuls of haemolymph they harvest from the bodies. Hammer scrumps wheat from the nearby wheatfield.

- The longarms used to quell the bugs in said ambush are assiduously taken back by Masvani and put back in the gun locker, probably the only time we've ever seen proper gun management in the game. Fingers off the trigger and no pointing the business end at anything you don't want dead, folks.

--- New City Same As the Old City

- They cross through Swansburg's gates and nobody bats an eye at their walking boat, since this place is PACKED with the undead. Some living zealots with bells on sticks wander past, proselytising about Deusix.

- They continue on, a huge wooden swan looming on the central motte. Most "people" they pass are skeletons in various tabards going about their errands. The only living people tend to be big bags of skin.

- They hail a fleshbag and Swan is crushed to discover that there's no serfdom here, skeletons took all the jobs. Cash-for-bones signs advertise the only real way for the average living man to get by. Will Hammer truly have to kill Swan for betraying the ideals of medievalism?

--- The Battle for the Crown

- They approach the motte and find it is a big big pile of bones. So many bones.

- There is a great battle against a bone man who is turning into a swan shape as they battle. It's Swan himself! And he's absorbing all of the bones!

- I am clearly too tired at this point to run anything properly but on we go.

- Hammer strikes religiously, Masvani gives the goose-monster teeth, Goblina (who turned up!) throws goblins into the fray, Mother Flotsam chucks a guano bomb in, Benito makes Hammer very big with a Growth Potion.

- Hammer, now huge, gets his hands on the neck of the Swan swan and snaps.

--- Opportunity

- They walk into the quiet throne room of Swan the Swift. It's empty.
- Hammer takes the crown that rests on the throne, feels it scream, and puts it on.
- He throws down the Seed Skull of the Forgotten King at his feet, a magical artifact that will cause a kingdom to bloom here. His cavemen will remake this rotten land.

- Also they cook something called "Cockyleeky" from cockroach viscera, an ostrich egg and a couple of handfuls of wheat. It's not great!

Total: 9000 exp

Foes Defeated:

- Some cockroaches (35 exp)

- Swan the Swift: Bone Edition (100 exp)

Total: 135 exp

Treasures Claimed:

- A Kingdom (invaluable, but let's call it 10 000 exp to be nice?)

Total: 10000 exp

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Masvani-I-Manavi, Level 6 Necromancer: 39779 (Level up at 72000)

*LEVEL UP! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! + Backstory!

- Charles / Benito Brazil, Level 6 Halfling: 36126 (Level up at 64000)

- George / Hammer Hatmakerson, Level 6 Fighter: 33955 (Level up at 64000)
Retired but also *LEVEL UP!* +1d8 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Hit! +1 to Crit/Fumble! +Backstory!

- Kitty / Mother Flotsam, Level 5 Magic-User: 29059 (Level up at 36000)

- Zoë / Goblinda, Level 5 Goblin: 16162 (Level up at 32000)
*LEVEL UP! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Goblin! +Backstory!