Session 182 - The Gang Ruins a Perfectly Good Dinner Party

Finally getting this out after that loong weekend!

This session featured many courtesans, a most disastrous dinner party, litres of blood, and very large bags of fantasy cocaine.

POWERLAD punches one zombie.
Sir Robyn gets his kids hooked on drugs.
Carrie Meleste brings the party.
Ratimir tries his best to save a life.
Styx gets a new ride.
Dumbledorris is torn a new one.

A big note:
See the attached story from Charles to find out what Galaxy's been up to in the mean time! It's great!

And we have the next excerpt from a POWERLAD novel which is my favourite gimmick of the moment.

 

"I can use my plant powers to make all sorts of things grow," said Sylvia, her leaves flushing an autumnal crimson, "In fact, there seems to be a tree growing in your trousers right now, POWERLAD."POWERLAD reached out and took Sylvia by the branch "That's no tree."- From POWERLAD: In the Wings of the Dragon

See you tonight!

Session 182 - The Gang Ruins a Perfectly Good Dinner Party

Campaign Date:

Tuesday, 24 March, 1601

Moon Phase: First Quarter

Zodiac: Pisces

New Characters:
- Dumbledorris, an outlaw wizard with a "micro dragon" (aka iguana) familiar.

- Dumbledorris 2.0... you'll see.

New Backstory:
- Carrie Meleste knew Styx in the past. Seeing him torture his goblin minions turned her off torture forever, starting her on the path to being a dominatrix instead of a torturer and saving her soul. (+2 to Saves vs Chaos when Styx is around)

- Styx lost an argument with Carrie over a choice he made - whether it was necessary to torture a prisoner quite that much. (When Styx fails a save, Carrie automatically passes her next save)

Treasure and Equipment:

- 

Total: 0 exp

Enemies Defeated:

- A single solitary zombie (10 exp)

Total: 10 exp

Exploration:

- First party to enter the the Eye-Tower of Japhet and Hirsch (300 exp)

Total: 300 exp

Events:

--- A few days ago

- Sir Robyn is buying a skull mask. It's a Death Day. With a mask on, he'll legally be a skeleton. (50 exp)

- Suddenly there is a blaring from the huge angel constructs in the sky. A rising-falling wail like an air raid siren. The angels are speaking, and only Sir Robyn knows what they're saying! (50 exp)

- "-- Impact One Imminent --" is all they say, repeating it and relaying it across the country. (50 exp)

- Later that day, when whatever northern event happens to create the great booming and gale-force winds and the blood red glow in the evening sky, the sirens wind down. (50 exp)

- There's a brief period of deep bass singing before they go quiet again. "-- REPORT: Strike on target. Partial Damage to Target. Unexpected Outcome - Prophecy Confirmed. Trumpet Sounded. REQUEST: Confirm Second Strike. --" (50 exp)

--- Return to the library

- The Library of Moondin, morning, Bertha and Carrie Meleste are dealing with Sir Robyn in a skull mask who still thinks it's Death Day and he's legally a skeleton.

- POWERLAD and Styx arrive from their recent adventures, carrying the drug demon Julgoor's magic drug lamp and stories of a crystal dragon. (50 exp)

- Julgoor is extremely grateful! He really does owe them a favour. Sir Robyn, talked down from skeleton hijinks, realises that this is a business opportunity! (50 exp)

- He asks Julgoor if he wants to get in on Blood Honey Healing 4 U, the rapid drug delivery and takeaway service that he runs. Julgoor jumps at the opportunity! What a perfect fit! (50 exp)

- Styx sends his goblin minions to get more dragon powers. They each listen to sermons. One gains the Eyes of Ninhursag - heartbeat vision - while the other gains the Eyes of Ereshkigal - entropy vision. Weird stuff. (50 exp)

--- To boat race or not to boat race

- POWERLAD lets everyone know that he's organised the dinner party with the conjoined demons Japhet & Hirsch for this evening, so maybe they spend the day at the boat race? (50 exp)

- The others agree, so they head for the start line. The mood in the town is fairly subdued, everyone's talking about the fucking CRYSTAL DRAGON that rampaged through town yesterday. Were the angels warning them about it?! Opinions differ. (50 exp)

- They reach the gazebo that marks the starting line of the boat race, and Sir Robyn realises that they'll lose all their spells today if they join in. Possibly unwise since it's a demon's dinner party later. (50 exp)
- They decide not to race today in the end. The party cheers on the teams then departs. Sir Robyn laments that he can't use his Familiars to rig the race without drawing the demons' ire. (50 exp)
--- A perfectly lovely dinner party
- That evening, at the appointed time, the party heads towards the North Tower where Japhet & Hirsch live. (50 exp)
- On the way, Carrie Meleste picks up some exotic fruits and some exotic courtesans. She doesn't know what the demons will be into so she brings along a woman, a man, and an androgyne to cover all bases. (50 exp)

- The party arrive at the place to find a tall octagonal tower wreathed in purple fog. On every wall on every story, a large carved stone eye peers out. This isn't the North Tower that used to be here... (50 exp)

- There is a channel through the fog leading through the streets to the front doors. Very helpful. One of the doors is golden, the other pearlescent. Naturally. (50 exp)
- The doors are opened by some tall tall birds. Coppery legs, steely beaks, a feathered body. They look like storks or, perhaps, ibises. (50 exp)

- "Ahh, you made it! Come in!" says Japhet. They're seated on a wide throne at one end of a long banquet table. More of the huge birds wait at attention at a drinks table. Sir Robyn tells his scared spider kids that sometimes birds are nice. (50 exp)

- Seeing that there are kids in attendance, Japhet & Hirsch clap their hands and make the birds bring out a kids table. Very civilised. (50 exp)

- Ratimir attempts to exhort the huge birds into revolutionary fervour... and draws only withering glares. (50 exp)
- Nobody has sat down yet. Hirsch is utterly disgusted at the party's behaviour, and at POWERLAD for bringing the fucking rabble in here. He grumbles as much before Japhet hushes him. (50 exp)

- Carrie Meleste to the rescue! She sends forth her high class courtesans with their baskets of exotic fruits, who lie on the table and garnish themselves. What a show! How delightful! (50 exp)
- Carrie's weird slaves form a chair for her... and their weird sense of pride at their degradation makes Hirsch happy. A potent melange of lust and pride... a very strange texture but not unpleasant. He's mollified. (50 exp)
- With everyone settled down, POWERLAD sits at the head of the table and everyone else seats themselves. The spider kids and the rats swarm at the kids table. The birds serve the wine from their beaks. Everything finally feels genteel. (50 exp)
--- Wait who invited that chick!?

- New player Suzanne shows up, promptly makes a wizard, and promptly makes a mess of things. Dumbledorris is a wizard with an iguana familiar. She's snuck into the party disguised as one of the servants. Yes, she's inside one of the big birds, piloting it as a giant puppet. It's a wonder nobody's noticed yet. (50 exp)
- Dumbledorris totters across to the stairs, unnoticed by the diners, and heads up to the first floor. Sneaky sneaky. (50 exp)
- The room above has a big floating bluebottle jellyfish drifting about, bobbing against the ceiling, trailing blue tendrils. Dumbledorris just kinda stands there as it gets closer. The tentacles wrap around the body of the fake bird, but she's alright inside. (50 exp)

- She uses a periscope to look around and sees a dude in eye-themed armour peering around a doorway. Maybe she'll go see him! (50 exp)
- She drops out of the bird costume's body, rolls across the gap and... rolls right into a whole load of hanging tentacles. The pain is intense, her vision blurs as she begins to black out. Her last view is a big fuckin' rat scampering towards her... (50 exp)
--- Meanwhile, downstairs
- While Dumbledorris has a bad time upstairs, Carrie Meleste's dancers vacate the table and dance against the wall as the main course is served - a single giant crab garnished with rare spices and rich buttery sauce. (50 exp) 

- Everyone else is chatting to the demons Japhet & Hirsch. Or rather, chatting to Japhet. Hirsch is somewhat aloof, even though the dinner party's back on. (50 exp)
- Japhet reveals that they're bored with the Boat Race. They set it up, but there's some sort of scheme afoot that the pair aren't privy to. Hirsch especially feels irritated at being left out. (50 exp)
- They have a copy of the original contract that allowed them into the city. Sir Robyn's all over it. Basically, if someone can discover that there's been a breach of contract in a court of law, Japhet & Hirsch will be free to leave this dumb city. (50 exp)
- They also know where the other demon "Flower Liches" are living. All of them took a place to stay for the duration of this interminable Boat Festival. They're all over the town but Japhet can give directions. (50 exp)
- Asked why they're running the Boat Festival at all, Japhet says that the vampire overlord of the Undead wanted to get the city out of the way so he could follow through on his plan to kill all humans, raise them all as undead, and save the world. (50 exp)
- There is a muffled thump from above and Ratimir's ears prick up! He's up the stairs before anyone can stop him! Hirsch mutters something horrid about rat people and is shushed by Japhet. (50 exp)
--- Egads!
- Ratimir comes back down the stairs, dragging the limp body of Dumbledorris. She's in a bad way, but luckily Sir Robyn's spider kids have some knowledge of First Aid! (50 exp)
- They attempt to stitch up Dumbledorris' wounds and... fail horrendously. One of them manages to tear open an artery, causing a bright red spray of blood to geyser gloriously across the walls, floor and table! (50 exp)

- Hirsch is fucking livid. Japhet is aghast. "That's it! Dinner party is cancelled! Get OUT get OUT!!!" (50 exp) 

- From the pile of blood and guts, stitched together by the webs of demon spiders... a new being is forming. A parody of a human form, absorbing all the blood into it... Dumbledorris 2.0! (50 exp)
- Carrie Meleste pulls the angry demons into line by implying that maybe they're not being good hosts now that something's gone wrong... (50 exp)
- Nevertheless, the dinner's off. Sir Robyn's spiders box up the leftovers, Hirsch glaring at the rudeness, while the new Inheritor slurps up her own blood. (50 exp)
- This is all threatening to blow up again. Hirsch can't stop talking about the RUDENESS and how this was meant to be a NICE DINNER and Japhet is HYPERVENTILATING and the party leaves before they completely blow their top, bundling the confused newborn Inheritor with them! (50 exp)
--- The goblin uber
- Outside, quite conveniently, Styx has shown up on his new rune-powered goblin hovercraft! That's where he's been this whole time! (50 exp)

- Everyone's gets on, except for Sir Robyn who has to walk. As they leave, there are shouts of shock as whatever Dumbledorris' iguana familiar turned into is discovered. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD, seeing Sir Robyn left behind because Styx is being a dick to him, agrees to fly him home.
- They all end up back at Blood Honey Healing 4 U. Sir Robyn wants to keep the party going and brings out a bunch of Notcoke! Party time! (50 exp)
- Styx decides to try and build some sort of light-shooting cannon instead. He asks around for whether anyone's got an angel eye? They're spherical, right? (50 exp)
- Everybody else is ON COKE and decide it is VERY IMPORTANT that they all go FIND AN ANGEL and HUNT IT DOWN! (50 exp)
--- Not an angel

- Our coked up heroes leave the safety of the town's walls. The thick evening Corpse Fog is cloying. In the distance, a god beam zaps down from the sky above. No angels as far as they can tell but... (50 exp)
- Oh is that the sound of a zombie!? BETTER KILL IT! The undead fiend stumbles from the bushes and is faced by POWERLAD, who punches himself in the face! Bummer! (50 exp)
- Rat swarms and spider swarms fail to stop it as it blunders along. Styx and Dumbledorris2 team attack it and... similarly fail to make a dent. It's embarrassing. (50 exp)
- Finally POWERLAD gets his head in the game and wrecks it with a Magic Missile Punch. Phew! (50 exp)
- The Notcoke's wearing off so the gang head back into the city. What an adventure this has been! Unfortunately several people in the party find they've developed a taste for that good white powder... (50 exp)

Total: 2850 exp

Misc:

- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)

- Ace Attorney bonus (50 exp)

- Antagonist Appeaser bonus (50 exp)

- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)

- Better Part of Valour bonus (50 exp)

- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)

- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)

- Enmity Inciter bonus (50 exp)

- High as Fuck bonus (50 exp)

- Infamy bonus (50 exp)

- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)

- Mad Inventor bonus (50 exp)

- Master of Disguise bonus (50 exp)
- Medical Malpractice bonus (50 exp)

- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)

- Ridiculously Bad Rolling bonus (50 exp)

- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)

- Tentacle Molestation bonus (50 exp)

- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)

- Why Did You Say That bonus (50 exp)

Total: 1000 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:

- Remembrancer (Carter / Styx - 100 exp)

- Caller (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Carter / Styx - 100 exp)

- Guard (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Timothy / Sir Robyn - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Timothy / Sir Robyn - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Carter, Timothy - 100 exp ea.)
- Fiction Fanatic bonus (Kitty, Charles - 100 exp)- Chippo Man bonus (Carter*2 - 100 exp ea.)

- Hummous Hero bonus (Andy - 100 exp)
- Charcuterie Champion bonus (Andy - 500 exp)

- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Andy, Timothy, Kitty - 500 exp ea.)
- An extra bonus for that fucking rad rune board thing for Carter (Carter - 500 exp)
- Addictive bonus (POWERLAD, spider kids - 100 exp ea.)
- Death's Witness bonus (pretty much everyone - 100 exp)
- An Hero bonus (Dumbledorris - 200 exp)
- Died in your First Session bonus (Dumbledorris - 200 exp)
- Amusing Death bonus (Dumbledorris - 500 exp)
- Teamkilled bonus (Dumbledorris - 500 exp)

Active Businesses:

- Honey Healing. Safe. 1084sp. (Bertha)

- Knickers Gloves Bodices. Risky. 1020sp. (Ratimir)
- Blood Honey 4 U. Safe. 10410sp. (Sir Robyn)

Rumours:

- 

Death Toll and Injuries:

- Dumbledorris, accidentally ripped open by friendly spiders who were just trying to help.

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / High Priest POWERLAD!, Level 7 Muscle Wizard: 108767 (Level up at 144000)-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 9 (-45% exp)
- Timothy / Sir Robyn, Level 6 Magic-User: 58937 (Level up at 72000)
--- Spider Squad, Level 1 Spider Extras: 1257 (Level up at 1500) 

- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 6 Termaxian Cleric: 49864 (Level up at 56000) 

--- 4 Henchmen Undeserving of Names, Level 0 Bootlickers
- Carter / Styx, Level 5 Goblin: 26344 (Level up at 32000)--- Styx's minions, Level 0 Goblin Buddies
- James / Ratimir, Level 6 Ratman: 25838 (Level up at 48000) 

- Susan / Dumbledorris, Level 1 Magic User
*DECEASED*

- Susan / Dumbledorris2, Level 1 Inheritor: 2040 (Level up at 2250)

Absent or Retired:

- Charles / Galaxy Johnson, Level 6 Elf (Alpdrucke): 48409 (Level up at 96000)

- Ollie / Synthia, Level 5 Inheritor: 21687 (Level up at 36000)-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 2 (-10% exp)

- Elias / Raivo, Level 1 Barbarian: 938 (Level up at 2000) 
- Tom / Hacker's Halberdiers, Level 3 Extras: 5598 (Level up at 6000)

- Andrea / Marjorie, Level 1 Halfling: 1111 (Level up at 2000)

- Fraser / Mori, Level 5 Elf (Worriganger): 24025 (Level up at 48000) - Issy / Sturdy, Level 2 Dwarf: 3596 (Level up at 4400)  
- The Dwarfs
--- Randy, Level 4 Hench-Dwarf: 9884 (Level up at 17600)--- Gav, Level 0 Inclusion - Tom / Clarence Eclair, Level 3 Specialist: 3040 (Level up at 6000)

- Tom / Aces Fontaine, Level 1 Specialist: 869 (Level up at 1500)
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 9931 (Level up at 18000)- Imran / Friar, Level 1 Magic User: 1040 (Level up at 2250)
- Yuri / Bjorn Gunnerson, Level 2 Barbarian: 2278 (Level up at 4000)

- Sunni / Larry's Legends, Level 1 Extras: 758 (Level up at 1500)

- Fraser / Tippin, Level 1 Ratman: 1458 (Level up at 1500)

- Charles / Zena, Level 6 Fighter: 41566 (Level up at 64000)

- Tom / Meteor Power Shower, Level 2 Barbarian: 3061 (Level up at 4000)

- Nix's Retainer

--- Huz, Level 0 Hireling

- Tom / Spicy Mac, Level 2 Halfling: 3457 (Level up at 4000)

- Eleanor / Mugg, Level 2 Fighter: 2357 (Level up at 4000)

- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)

- Amar / Amar's Cleric, Level 1 Cleric: 1413 (Level up at 1750)

- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2084 exp

- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)

- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)

- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)

- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)

- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)