Session 236 - Horses for Courses

Thank goodness, that tentacle waving in the wastes wasn't a tentacle at all. It was a massive mutant demon-horse! Rest easy, everyone. Also I was more surprised than anyone to discover just how valuable those ambushers were to loot! Good work all!

I missed this last week, but a BIG congratulations to Tom who was, fittingly, our campaign's hundredth death! I invite you to look back on years of shallow graves.

Also welcome to Russell and Johnathon, friends of George's who did well to make it through the end times. Apologies to Russell whose character's name has been recorded only as "The Grifter" due to the eldritch nature of his character's name.

Carter graces us with Grumpy's latest map of the nearby area:

Finally Timothy supplies us with further correspondence from the travelling newsies of the Red Letter, who have made it as far as the Typhlotic Scar... New Riverfront Developments At The Typhlotic Bend
Elizabeth Courtney, Real Estate and Lifestyle Editor
For those looking to move from the stifling confines of the Mew Moondin Metropolis, you need look no further than the planned developments overlooking the River Wye, at the beautiful Typhlotic Bend. With great access to transportation, both from the pre-apocalypse road and the river that wends through this charming valley, makes this perfect for those who wish to escape the bustle of city life but still want to commute in to the office/trade for much needed supplies. This charming hillside development is situated for great Northern exposure, and a deal of unknown energies radiating from the impenetrable rent in the sky itself. The obvious selling point is the vanta-black background provided by the inspiring Typhlotic Scar. With some careful interior design, coupled with the unparalleled situation allowing for all day sunlight, you can build day and night rooms right into your own dome. The scar, which stretches to the very sky, is of a black so deep that light itself cannot escape, and provides a wonderful counterpoint to a bright pastel interior design. Whilst for the most part this development is situated in the rustic idyll of undeveloped and bucolic wilderness, there already exists a thriving community of shadow creatures that gives the area a great local flavour. Having crawled forth from the eternal darkness beyond the rent in space and time, this community has brought a flavour of the eldritch unknowableness of their homeland. The community events of strange ritual formations on hilltops, and choruses of unnatural screeching in the dead of night, are sure to delight and entertain any with an interest in this rich and fascinating culture, and the unknown structures constructed in silence and unseen (thought to be perhaps totems or altars to the unknown gods beyond the scar) are a sight to rival the best of modern art. If one is particularly lucky, one might appear mere yards from ones own door, in the dead of night, with no trace left of the builders, save the knowledge that within the silence of the night hundreds of the shadow beings had been within but a breath of your too thin walls. Single room domes to start from 150,000 ob.

Session 236 - Horses for Courses

Date:
15 years after the End.

April

New Characters:
- Little Jack Tall, a very slight man who believes he is a hobbit.
- Luna, a Necromancer and former slaver who learnt how to make her charges work harder for longer... 

- “The Grifter”, an Inheritor with a fierce hunger who’s been grifting their way through the post-apocalypse. Has an actual name but the Chronicler only ever refers to him as the Grifter...

Character List:

Murders:
- Untold millions of micro-organisms slain by Grumpy’s antibacterial glaive (99.9% exp)

- 12 ambushers, routed (60 exp)
Total: 60 exp

Salvage:
- 10 suits of heavy wasteland gear (10000 exp)
- 10 muskets with shot and powder (800 exp)
- 10 Saviourbone-infused lightning shortswords (1200 exp)
- 4 Medium survival tents (100 exp)
Total: 12100 exp

Events:

--- March Recovery: New Faces
- After the highs and lows of March, a somewhat battered party makes their way back to New Moondin. They drag a clutch of spherical angel corpses with them - good loot!
- Several new characters show up, presumably after the treasure haul piques their interest. Luna the Necromancer, Little Jack Tall the “Halfling” Specialist, and an Inheritor known to the records as the Grifter who is suspiciously hungry all the time.
- The rest of the month is spent on light admin as the angels are sold, the newbies grab survival gear, and Andromeda buys back all her clothes that were burnt off.

--- April Pre-Expedition: Rumourmongering
- April opens to Chokestorms outside the protective Storm-Shell and the surprise addition of state-enforced Easter in New Moondin courtesy of the Denialist Brotherhood. Any murmerings of discontent are stifled due to a new taxation system that benefits those who work and worship with the Brotherhood. Now that’s what I call Government!
- There is good news though - the Arena is back! Showing every New Moon in the Amphitheatre, get tickets now!
- Andromeda’s new scaly night-skin, wings, and flaming eyes are remarked upon by many. It is said that she killed a dragon and gained these new powers. Could it be true?!
- Rumours reach the party’s ears and they are immediately worried when they hear a tale of a giant tentacle that still survives out on the edge of the Fallow. Shub-Niggurath somehow surviving will absolutely not do!

--- April Expedition Day 1: Choked Up
- The Fallow is a miles-long stretch of dead ground, fallout from the poisonous breath of Apocalypse Dragon Ninhursag during the End War. Nothing grows here, and outside the protective electrical shield of the Storm-Shell the fumes will make your lungs bleed.
- The team heads out into the misty fumes of the Haze, following Grumpy’s map to the bunker on the edge of the Shell, a couple of miles into the Fallow. They make good time, and when they look out of the Shell they can even see the rumoured tentacle waving in the distance. It’s covered in hairs, but clearly moving.
- There’s a thick Chokestorm coming in outside the Shell, and even inside the barrier that’s bad news. The team hunkers down in the bunker for the evening, and Grumpy feeds everyone a fortifying meal of baked potato and beans. Delightful!

--- April Expedition Day 2: Rained In
- The Chokestorm’s gone in the morning, replaced by a gentle rain. Some bad nights out in the rain have taught the more experienced members of the party that it’s acid rain outside the Shell which eats away at your gear and is overall a bad fucking time. Back to the bunker!

--- April Expedition Day 3: Horsin’ Around
- Thankfully it’s Hazy again on the dawn of the third day. Andromeda makes a note to get some board games for next time and they head south, through the staticky threshold of the Storm-Shell, and into the Fallow proper. No sign of that big dragon, thankfully.
- Their lungs begin to cramp up over the next hour or so, but they can deal with it. It’s not too long before they’re coming up to the tentacle itself and find themselves breathing strangely thick air. Most strangely of all, this “tentacle” is in fact a huge horse-headed thing covered in waving horse legs like cilia.
- Dog-sized, mushroom-bodied foals shadow the party inquisitively. They see the giant horse monster cough up a chunk of wet phlegm that splits into more of the things. Sian looks down at her arm and sees tiny mushroom-horses crawling there.
- Sian grabs one of the dog-sized foals and finds it’s surrounded by some sort of viscous bubble. She stuffs it in her backpack and looks at her oily hand which is pruning up like she’s been in the bath too long. Soon the flesh starts shrink-wrapping to the bone! It won’t wipe off!
- Andromeda comes to the rescue, pouring some holy water over the hand. The oil immediately rinses off. Good to know!
- The horse monster whinnies and turns its head to watch the party from one massive eye and for some godforsaken reason Luna the Necromancer can speak Horse-Demon. Or as she calls it, Scottish. The horse monster is whinnying for its master!
- Grumpy tells Luna to let the horse know that Jasmine, it’s master, is dead. Killed by Elves. It nearly attacks him until the quick-thinking Luna tells the horse she’ll help get revenge and return its master back somehow. The horse’s face morphs into Jasmine’s and weeps.
- They try to persuade it to kill its children, or at least stop reproducing, but it couldn’t even if it wanted to. The Clerics have the creeping realisation that they can’t reach their gods in here… the anti-magic field is still up!
- They try taking some foals with them, but as they get further away from their mother they become faster and more aggressive. With sadness, they let the foals go.

--- The Ambush
- Figuring they should get back inside the Storm-Shell to decide next steps, the party heads west out of the Fallow and towards the road that snakes through the hills back towards New Moondin. They look down the slope and see some survival tents by the side of the road!
- They carefully sneak into the camp and snoop around. There’s the remains of a fire, still warm, and the tents seem to be empty. It’s like someone just up and left the camp…
- Suddenly shots ring out! The party dive for cover and a hail of musketfire. Luna loses fingers and the Grifter’s shield is shattered!
- They hear a voice yell, “reloading!” and see a blanket of smoke gusting from three separate locations - a stand of dead trees, a large rock formation, and some naturally-formed trenches.
- Andromeda’s scales ripple as she forms them into wings and blasts off towards the trees. Sian summons her powers and uses Dig Grave to form a protective trench, pulling Luna in with her into cover. A three-way combat is joined!
- Damnation Snels runs to the natural trenches on his lonesome, switches on his devil eyes, and suddenly he can see the four gunmen highlighted in sin-vision! He pulls one out of their trench and puts his pistol to the man’s head!
- Grumpy stumps stalwartly towards the rock formation, lighting up the burning runes on his glaive. A man in heavy survival gear tries to run, thinks better of it, and turns to face Grumpy. A lightning glyph on his shortsword flickers to life!
- Andromeda soars over the dead forest, retracts her wings, and plummets to the ground! The impact knocks the gunmen back, and she lights up her lightning hammer and charges!
- Jack Tall and the Grifter arrive in the copse to support Andromeda! Jack Tall shoots one in the eye, killing them instantly.
- The Grifter misses his opponent and trips, flinging his weapon to hit Andromeda in the thigh! The gunman takes the advantage and slashes the Grifter’s leg deeply with a multi-hit combo, knocking him onto his back!
- Andromeda dodges behind her target and calls forth Sacrifice miracle, healing the Grifter and destroying the men in between with arcing electricity! The men fall to their knees, spasming and choking up blood into their breather helms.
- Damnation Snels at the natural trenches finds his negotiation is failing. Enough is enough - he shoots his hostage in the head and kills the next man to charge him. The others flee into the night!
- Grumpy, at the rock formation, finally kills his foe! Shots ring out again but only one hits… and draws Grumpy’s ire. Grudge-Sense activates and Grumpy knows exactly where the man is as he gives chase! He murders them one by one as they flee.

--- Aftermath
- Sian pokes her head up out of her grave-trench and sees the party returning. They’re fairly ok! Grumpy is covered in blood, as is Snels, but they’re all alive! The Grifter even seems to be a bit fatter than when he left…
- Most importantly, the loot! Heavy survival gear is very expensive and muskets are valuable, so this was a real coup! Grumpy rates this event 10/10, would be ambushed again.

Total: 1750 exp

Team Bonus:
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus
- Antagonist Appeaser bonus
- Balls to the Wall bonus
- Best of Intentions bonus
- Better Part of Valour bonus
- Brutal Kill bonus
- Diplomancy bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus
- Fame bonus
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus
- Leave a Man Behind bonus
- Long Deliberation bonus
- Ludicrous Gore bonus
- Masterchef bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Rumour Investigator bonus
- Split the Party bonus
- Tactical Fighting bonus
- Why Did You Touch That bonus
Total: 950 exp

Individual Bonus:
- Chronicler (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (Carter / Grumpy - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Henry / Little Jack Tall - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (George / Snels - 100 exp)
- Vanguard (George / Snels - 100 exp)
- Triage (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Chef (Henry / Little Jack Tall - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Kitty, Henry - 500 exp ea.)
- Art Attack bonus (Carter, George - 100 exp ea.)
- Near Death Experience bonus (Luna, Grifter - 100 exp ea.)
- Amputation bonus (Luna - 100 exp)

Rumours:

- We've been watching the angels in that crashed dropship whenever you can see it on a clear day, it's kind of mesmerising. They do all sorts of strange things when left to their own devices, especially on Sundays.

- There's a giant tentacle growing in the Fallow! Something has survived!

- Bring a full Angel to the Styxians in the crafting district and they can turn it into armour that makes you fly and shoot beams and everything else that Pearl did! It's awesome!

- Word is that there's venomous ghosts out in the Fallow that'll shloop into your breather mask, crawl down your throat, and bite your lungs from the inside!

- Any time you want to talk to god, come to the Enlightened church. We've rigged up an angel as a God's Eye and they'll sometimes appear on a Sunday to speak to the priest!

- It's lucky that the gas doesn't go underwater, it's about the only place where stuff can survive out there these days! Which is to say if you want food, go fishing!

Injuries:
- Luna lost fingers to a volley of musketfire.

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 6 Laddite Cleric: 42908 (Level up at 56000) - George / Praise-God-For-He-Gave-His-Only-Son-So-That-We-Might-Be-Saved-From-Damnation Snels, Level 6 Snelsman Cleric: 33754 (Level up at 56000) - Carter / Granite "Grumpy" Ironjaw, Level 5 Warden Dwarf: 27065 (Level up at 35200) - James G / Siân, Level 4 Necromancer: 13406 (Level up at 18000) - Henry / Little Jack Tall, Level 3 Halfling: 6773 (Level up at 8000) - Johnathon / Luna, Level 2 Necromancer: 2373 (Level up at 4500)
Level Up! +1d4 HP! +1 Mana! +free spell! +backstory! - Russell / Grifter, Level 2 Inheritor: 2273 (Level up at 4500)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 Meat Point! +1 Mutation Cap! +backstory!