Session 252 - Rage Against the Flying of the Lights

A session of pure, glorious combat against powerful foes in sci-fi power armour!

They were defeated and the Mod Cons were saved... at the cost of Andromeda's broken ribs and the disbanding of the New Moondin Lost Boys. A pyrrhic victory!

Session 252 - Rage Against the Flying of the Lights

Date:

December. 15 years after the End.

Character List:

- Andromeda, Andromedan Vampire / Kitty

- DJ, Intergalacticist Cleric / Charles

- Red, Duellist Fighter / Timothy
- Zulu Snakebite, Barbarian / Ollie
- Dargo, Inheritor / Russell
- The New Moondin Lost Boys, Extras / George
- Margaret and the Thatchers, Extras / Hagar
- The Coopers, Extras / Nadav

New Characters:
- Margaret and the Thatchers, a group of Extras led by a pun. Big fans of giant hairbrushes.
- The Coopers, another group of Extras who briefly wield incredibly dangerous crowbars.

New Backstory:

- Mydog Smith of the New Moondin Lost Boys was generous during the long savage period of the Poisoned Years, and was instrumental in handing around the flesh of the deceased POWERLAD cult who kept the town fed in those early years. When eating to heal, can grant your healing to someone else instead.

- Beepbox’s defining moment remains the time he accidentally broke his father’s precious Beepbox, the still-working corpse of an angel. He says his dad died of a broken heart. Whenever your weapon or armour breaks, you get a free Action.

Loot:

- 6 Power Suits (3000 exp)
- 4 Foam Guns (400 exp)
- 4 Deployable Forcefields (400 exp)
- 2 Ray Guns (200 exp)
- 2 Radiation Cannons (200 exp)
- 2 crates of Heated Bidet Toilet Seats (5000 exp)
- 1 crate of Microwaves (2500 exp)
- 1 crate of Floating Lightbulbs (2500 exp)
- 20 obols (20 exp)
- 16 dinosaur rations (16 exp)
- Vial of Ultra-Rare Spices adds +5 to one Cooking roll
- 2 staffs and a spear
Total: 14236 exp

Foes:

- Barbara the Barbarian (500 exp)
- 14 “Space Marine” Indomes (700 exp)
Total: 1200 exp

Events:

- Our view pans down from above towards a frenzied battle scene. Inside the impact scar left by a crashed space ship, lasers criss-cross the battlefield. The combatants duck and weave behind storey-tall cubes of stained metal while others blast around on jump-packs built into their futuristic metal suits. “Mod Cons” - sentient modern conveniences like microwaves and bidets - cower in their broken-open shipping containers. An unarmoured woman riding a dinosaur charges into combat, spear held high.
- But rather than zooming down towards the brutal combat, our view is drawn down and to the left, towards a scene much more personal…

--- DJ Disappoints
- Further along the impact scar, behind a ridge, Dustin “DJ” Johnson is persuading an amorous half-naked lady to let him wear her power suit while they get down and dirty. He swears it’ll be hot.
- Alas, he betrays her immediately. The armour closes over him and he immediately jumps away, snatching her foam gun for good measure! She shakes her fist at him as he zooms away, he didn’t even leave her his number!

--- Back to the Battle!
- DJ flies over to the main battle, seeing some space marines behind a low forcefield taking beam rifle fire from Zulu who is trapped in foam. The Lost Boys fire up at a couple of robed wizards on the ridge above. Elsewhere, Dargo manifests an enormous poisonous tendril and snatches the enemy Barbarian from her dinosaur’s back!
- Andromeda and her Void Pet have achieved synchronicity. It feels her thoughts and bends space to warp her across the battlefield… right behind one of the enemy wizards! Blood appropriately rains down around him, side effect of his chaotic spontaneous spellcasting.

- DJ himself is shocked when the bidets mistake him for a foe and squirt him with anti-aircraft water. His attempts to trick the baddies into coming with him but they’re a little busy right now!

- Dargo’s wrestle with the Barbarian goes well up until he starts to run low on Meat Points. She kicks off him and her pachycephalosaurus charges in to help her! Raked with beam-fire from the more distant Zulu and Lost Boys, nevertheless it charges in with a terrifying ram attack! He hardens his flesh with crocodile skin but it’s not enough… until a random guy comes diving out of nowhere to save him! Big Smiles of the Lost Boys is thrown off-screen by the impact, but he helped Dargo survive!

- There is a distant whistle and Zulu’s antelope charges in to help. It dives under the belly of the dinosaur and rears its head, skewering the dinosaur’s underbelly and throwing it down the slope! The Barbarian flies into a rage at the sight, screaming obscenities!

--- Reinforcements!
- Siân the Necromancer arrives on an intelligent razor scooter she found somewhere! She flip-kicks off a container and lands right next to the Lost Boys! Just in time to be blasted by a radiation cannon. She dives behind a container before she can eat another blast, stones from her sling pinging off the marine’s armour.
- Andromeda is thrown down the slope by a wizard, but swiftly warps back up to him with her Void Pet powers! She’s in for a cruel shock when the wizard’s last act is to explode in a cloud of Magic Missiles, but she’s fine! The other wizard looks at her in fear as she turns to look at him, blood trickling from her fangs.

- Battlecries erupt and a small army of Extras charges into battle! One group is led by Margaret of the Thatchers, the other is made up of Coopers led by ---!
- In an auspicious start, the Coopers charge into combat to assist the beleaguered Dargo and… their weapons shatter! Shards of crowbar scythe out across the combat, hurting Dargo, the Barbarian, and themselves!
- Margaret and the Thatchers charge a shipping crate, scramble up the side with the climbing skill honed through years of climbing roofs, and attack the marine standing atop it!
- DJ tries to persuade some marines that he’s their friend, and they tell him to get out while he still can! He foams them up instead, showing his allegiance.

--- Red Arrives!
- The Barbarian charges towards Dargo, but Red is there! She leaps at the Barbarian and tackles her down the slope into the impact scar, giving Dargo time to… collapse into ooze over the dinosaur and begin to digest it. Yum.

- Andromeda advances towards the last wizard and he tries to ward her off with another blast of magic… but the spell goes awry! He’s lifted into the air, screaming, as his limbs separate from his body and his torso is consumed from within as if a great mouth is devouring him from the inside out! Gore rains down on Andromeda, who tries to catch some in her open mouth.
- Down in the impact scar, Red faces down the charging Barbarian, confidently standing in her favoured duelling pose. Alas, she eats spear! As she recovers, a passing marine sprays foam in her direction, slowing her!
- Across the battlefield, Zulu has called her blood-drenched antelope to her and charges the group of marines that DJ just foamed up. Margaret and the Thatchers turn their leggets into a long hairbrush-pole and flail at one of the marines, while the Coopers try to catch another in a barrel.
- Elsewhere, the Lost Boys take a hit too far from a Radiation Cannon. The rest of the Extras are dead… it’s just the Named Characters left. They look up to see another Radiation Cannon aiming in their direction. Big Smiles, still hurt from saving Dargo from the charging dinosaur, keels over dead in the wave of cancerous energy. The Extras are Extras no more… now they’re just a bunch of loyal chumps under the command of Flowers Penurious.

--- Barbarian Rage!
- Andromeda looks across the battlefield from her vantage on the ridge and sees that Red has been foamed up! She warps across with her Void Pet’s space-compression powers and… eats an elbow to the jaw! The Barbarian was pulling her arm back for a thrust at just the wrong time!
- The Barbarian turns to Andromeda, frothing from the mouth, while Red taunts impotently from the sidelines. In her rage the Barbarian chucks her spear at Andromeda’s head, but she moves aside with vampiric speed and the spear skewers the nearby marine in the skull!
- Andromeda staggers back and Red can only watch in horror as the Barbarian’s followup blow crunches straight through Andromeda’s sternum, cracking through ribs and out of her back!  The Barbarian pulls her fist free and kicks Andromeda backwards like a rag doll. The blow would kill any living being, but Andromeda spasms weakly, coughing up blood.

- There is another warcry, the Coopers charge down the slope and pile onto the Barbarian in a mass of bodies! DJ jumps behind Red and grabs her under the armpits and boosts her towards the scrum, letting her fall rapier-first onto the Barbarian! Red gets her in the hip, blood spraying from the wound.
- Red takes the dagger from her belt and stabs again and again while the Coopers hold her down, finally driving the blade into the roof of the Barbarian’s mouth. With the last of her strength she bites down hard on the dagger, shattering it with a last hateful cronch as she dies. Red rips out her spine in vengeance.

--- Close-Fought Victory
- Andromeda, lying in the dirt, see DJ descend from above. He lands next to her and gently lifts her up. Cleric healing won’t work on her Undead form, so he medevacs her over to the blood rain that still falls where the wizard died.
- Drinking down the blood-rain, her superficial wounds begin to close. DJ offers her his blood and she gratefully slurps it down. Her fractured ribs will take time to heal, or possibly lots of blood. Who knows?
- The remaining space marines fall back and jump back towards the crashed spaceship. One of them picks up DJ’s abandoned almost-lover on the way, and distant obscenities can be heard as she’s carried off.
- DJ discovers that there’s a downside to this cool power armour - radiation damage. He feels short of breath, and when he takes off the armour his skin is covered in a flaky red rash. Nasty stuff.
- While everyone catches their breath and starts looting the corpses, a horrible monster arises from the dirt… Dargo! Reforming back into his hulking, scaly, squid-faced form he now sports a crown of horns. Truly a terrifying demon king!

Total: 6000 exp

Team Bonus:

- AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa bonus
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus
- Balls to the Wall bonus
- Best of Intentions bonus
- Brutal Kill bonus
- Coitus boners
- Classic Charles bonus
- Dramatic Battle bonus
- Dramatic Rescue bonus
- Fame bonus
- Freudian bonus
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus
- Ludicrous Gore bonus
- Monster Infighting bonus
- Noblebright bonus
- Pitched Battle bonus
- Pundemonium bonus
- Pyrrhic Victory bonus
- Schindler’s bonus
- Tentacle Molestation bonus
- WWE bonus

Total: 1050 exp

Individual Bonus:

- Chronicler (Kitty / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Expedition Leader (George / Lost Boys - 100 exp)
- Cartographer (George / Lost Boys - 100 exp)
- Paymaster (Charles / DJ - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Ollie / Zulu - 100 exp)

- Vanguard (Russell / Dargo - 100 exp)
- Chef (Ollie / Zulu - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Kitty, Charles - 500 exp ea.)

- Near Death Experience bonus (Andromeda, Lost Boys - 100 exp ea.)

Injuries:
- The Lost Boys are no more, now merely a gang of 0-level mooks who follow Flowers Penurious.
- Andromeda’s ribs are fractured after an insanely powerful punch from an enraged Barbarian.

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 7 Andromedan Vampire: 101369 (Level up at 144000)

- Charles / Dustin Johnson, Level 7 Intergalacticist Cleric: 100972 (Level up at 112000)

- Tim / Red, Level 7 Duellist Fighter: 70469 (Level up at 128000)

- Ollie / Zulu Snakebite, Level 7 Barbarian: 68118 (Level up at 128000)

- Russell / Dargo, Level 6 Inheritor: 64423 (Level up at 72000)

- George / Flowers Penurious, Level 5 Fighter: 27111 (Level up at 32000)
Extras Disbanded!

- Hagar / Margaret and the Thatchers, Level 2 Extras: 2811 (Level up at 3000)
Level Up: +1d12 HP! +Named Character! +Backstory!

- Nadav / Coopers, Level 2 Extras: 2811 (Level up at 3000)

Level Up: +1d12 HP! +Named Character! +Backstory!