The Untimely Death of Clacky Snap-Snaps
Date: June 16, 21 P.P.
Moon: Waning Gibbous Dragon Face
Zenith: Oberon
New Backstory:
- Astro Moon had very religious grandparents, hardcore Styxians. She turned her back on them. Apostate to Styxians. Immune to Styxian Clerics.
- Celebus Uppytus had a terrible birthday because nobody showed up. On June 15th every game year, and every real year, and on the week of your actual birthday, a known ally of your choice shows up during the session.
- Iskander defeated an enemy in glorious combat and granted them their death. +1 Dexterity.
- Swan the Swift bumped into an old acquaintance - the dog he saved back in the distant past. It was a thousand years old by that point and laughed in his face, clearly some sort of trickster deity being a dick as per usual. Once per session force someone you've met before not to act for a round.
- Liber Quint killed someone in a tragic charcoal burning accident, only finding the blackened bones several weeks later. Allies cannot be harmed by your fumbles.
Events:
--- There's Been a Murdahrrr!
- Church bells desperately ring out across Kink. The party, now much reinforced over last session, hurries past human crab-worshippers and giant crabs alike on their way to the church.
- They burst through the door and... horror of horrors! A huge dead crab lies in the aisle! Crabspeaker Johnny Snips, a man wearing false antennae and massive crab-speaking castanettes, is here with the local priest Peter Papenguy investigating the scene!
- Celebus inspects the corpse. It's a murder alright! And the murder weapon was... a distinctive pincer! Some of the crab meat within is gone too. He takes a rubbing of the pincer shape in order to pincerprint suspects.
- They burst through the door and... horror of horrors! A huge dead crab lies in the aisle! Crabspeaker Johnny Snips, a man wearing false antennae and massive crab-speaking castanettes, is here with the local priest Peter Papenguy investigating the scene!
- Celebus inspects the corpse. It's a murder alright! And the murder weapon was... a distinctive pincer! Some of the crab meat within is gone too. He takes a rubbing of the pincer shape in order to pincerprint suspects.
--- One-Claw McGraw
- They head straight across town to see an old grizzled hero crab by the name of One-Claw McGraw. In front of the house they find another crab waiting - Elemy Scorpio the Crab Squire!
- He refuses to let the unworthy approach One-Claw McGraw, so Iskander challenges him to a noble duel. Scorpio draws an elegant rapier, while Iskander has his skeleton hand him a heavy hammer.
- They duel, and despite the fancy legwork of the Crab Squire he is forced to yield to the superior warrior.
- They enter the house and meet One-Claw McGraw himself! He indeed has only one claw, and also somehow an eyepatch. He lost the claw and the eye in a battle against the crystal dragon to the north, which menaces the good stoneshell quarries of the crabs.
- Celebus compares the rubbing of the murder weapon to One-Claw McGraw's one claw. It's a perfect match... except it's the wrong way round! Clacky Snap-Snaps was murdered with his missing claw!
- Charles makes the most perfect NANI!!??! face.
- The witnesses to the dragon fight were his squire, Elemy Scorpio, and his squire's squire Barry d'Louse. Barry now works at the Barber where he works in cleaning and de-lousing the crabs' stone shells. Barry is now a suspect.
- One-Claw McGraw himself says that he was outside Clacky's house when the murder happened! He was spurned by her, and wished to woo her by standing outside the window and serenading her with some classic Peter Gabriel.
- As they leave with their suspicions, they see the town gossip Kyle Conselle who is delighted to let them in on the secret that Pennicrab Sugarclaw, a nudist crab living in a mansion on the edge of town, was also wronged by Clacky Snip-Snips. Clacky took her old shell, and no new one fit, leading to her current situation. Another suspect!
--- Split the Party
- They decide to split up to investigate suspects.
- Iskander and Liber Quint interrogate Barry d'Louse. He confesses that he doubled back after the disastrous attack on the dragon, reclaiming McGraw's other claw and also eating the meat from his lost eye stalk. Disgusting! However, he sold the claw to a collector - Pennicrab Sugarclaw herself! The plot thickens.
- Celebus and Astro Moon go to the egg-laden mansion of Pennicrab Sugarclaw. She tells them that she can't have done it - everyone would notice a naked crab walking through town. She did, however, have McGraw's other claw as a souvenir... but it recently went missing from over the mantlepiece! No crabs could have got in here undetected, so the thief must be a human.
- Swan the Swift and Eegor go back to Elemy Scorpio the Crab Squire and find out that Barry always had a thing for Clacky Snap-Snaps, but she wasn't into humans and honestly how would that even work.
- Iskander and Liber Quint interrogate Barry d'Louse. He confesses that he doubled back after the disastrous attack on the dragon, reclaiming McGraw's other claw and also eating the meat from his lost eye stalk. Disgusting! However, he sold the claw to a collector - Pennicrab Sugarclaw herself! The plot thickens.
- Celebus and Astro Moon go to the egg-laden mansion of Pennicrab Sugarclaw. She tells them that she can't have done it - everyone would notice a naked crab walking through town. She did, however, have McGraw's other claw as a souvenir... but it recently went missing from over the mantlepiece! No crabs could have got in here undetected, so the thief must be a human.
- Swan the Swift and Eegor go back to Elemy Scorpio the Crab Squire and find out that Barry always had a thing for Clacky Snap-Snaps, but she wasn't into humans and honestly how would that even work.
--- Mystery Solved!
- Barry d'Louse is clearly the most suspicious taken to the church to see the body and... he breaks down in tears. It was him! It was all him! He even points out the murder weapon where he'd hidden it behind the pews - it's McGraw's other claw!
- He tries to run, but Iskander shoots him in the leg. He is dragged before the Crab Queen in the river under the bridge, and pleads guilty. Premeditated crab murder - a capital crime. Iskander suggests he be executed by One-Claw McGraw whom he tried to frame, but Swan the Swift swiftly kicks him off the bridge and into the waiting maw of the Crab Queen!
- She devours him whole, and in thanks for this great service to crabkind gives the gift of the Gifflewim Coin she has been protecting. She warns them never to flip it, for Gifflewim is a great danger now, infected by the Idea of Thorns.
- Barry d'Louse is clearly the most suspicious taken to the church to see the body and... he breaks down in tears. It was him! It was all him! He even points out the murder weapon where he'd hidden it behind the pews - it's McGraw's other claw!
- He tries to run, but Iskander shoots him in the leg. He is dragged before the Crab Queen in the river under the bridge, and pleads guilty. Premeditated crab murder - a capital crime. Iskander suggests he be executed by One-Claw McGraw whom he tried to frame, but Swan the Swift swiftly kicks him off the bridge and into the waiting maw of the Crab Queen!
- She devours him whole, and in thanks for this great service to crabkind gives the gift of the Gifflewim Coin she has been protecting. She warns them never to flip it, for Gifflewim is a great danger now, infected by the Idea of Thorns.
--- Off to the Local Dungeon Locale
- With a fair bit of time left in the session they're at a bit of a loose end. They do grab some cheeky crab meat and crab lice on their way out, so Astro Moon cooks up "Seasea Landland" from the seafood, some butter, and a prickly pear that Celebus picked up from the roadside.
- With a fair bit of time left in the session they're at a bit of a loose end. They do grab some cheeky crab meat and crab lice on their way out, so Astro Moon cooks up "Seasea Landland" from the seafood, some butter, and a prickly pear that Celebus picked up from the roadside.
- It looks pretty fucking dire honestly, just a protein shake slurry, but somehow she manages to kick it over the line from Palatable into Tasty.
- There's a big obvious dungeon nearby - one of the wing-petals of a Seraphim thrusts from the ground where it crashed during the End War. They head that way overland, the interminable Heatwave forcing the poor party to reluctantly slurp down the Seasea Landland slurry to keep on going.
--- Flea for your Lives
- They arrive at the site and find the way in has several statues of Necromancer-Generals carved out the front. There's also arguing from a house near the base of the ruined Seraphim petal.
- They investigate and hear some ectoplasm-spewing necromancers having an argument over whether Cyrus Carnithrex Maximus, millenia-old vampire overlord of the Undead forces during the End Times, is still alive. One side argues that he's alive (well, undead) and they should head off to find him and reinstall him at the head of the Necromancers, the other that he's either dead or defeated and so there's no point leaving the safety of their current base of operations.
- But suddenly, maybe attracted by the noise, an accursed sproinging begins from behind! It is nothing less than enormous fleas, and their accursed bouncing! Swan the Swift remains outdoors to face down the new foe!
- Celebus and Liber Quint spring into action, dumping oil all over the fleas. Swan tries to light the oil and is dragged back by Iskander! A rivalry is born on the battlefield! "I won't let you get all the glory SWANNY!" booms Iskander!
- Swan pulls Iskander out through the window and they tumble into the oil amongst the fleas. The torch drops and lights the fire! They wrestle in the oily fiery mud, fleas dying around them.
- It's getting tense until Celebus activates his backstory and One-Claw McGraw shows up! He was following the party to make sure they didn't get into more trouble! He spits water on the fire and breaks up the fight!
- They arrive at the site and find the way in has several statues of Necromancer-Generals carved out the front. There's also arguing from a house near the base of the ruined Seraphim petal.
- They investigate and hear some ectoplasm-spewing necromancers having an argument over whether Cyrus Carnithrex Maximus, millenia-old vampire overlord of the Undead forces during the End Times, is still alive. One side argues that he's alive (well, undead) and they should head off to find him and reinstall him at the head of the Necromancers, the other that he's either dead or defeated and so there's no point leaving the safety of their current base of operations.
- But suddenly, maybe attracted by the noise, an accursed sproinging begins from behind! It is nothing less than enormous fleas, and their accursed bouncing! Swan the Swift remains outdoors to face down the new foe!
- Celebus and Liber Quint spring into action, dumping oil all over the fleas. Swan tries to light the oil and is dragged back by Iskander! A rivalry is born on the battlefield! "I won't let you get all the glory SWANNY!" booms Iskander!
- Swan pulls Iskander out through the window and they tumble into the oil amongst the fleas. The torch drops and lights the fire! They wrestle in the oily fiery mud, fleas dying around them.
- It's getting tense until Celebus activates his backstory and One-Claw McGraw shows up! He was following the party to make sure they didn't get into more trouble! He spits water on the fire and breaks up the fight!
- Iskander and Swan the Swift shake hands, a fierce rivalry between warriors has been forged.
- The drippy necromancers inside the house, honestly quite baffled at what just went down, let the party come inside to rest up. The party feast on fried fleas and settle down to sleep, except for Astro Moon who finishes of the Seasea Landland and Liber Quint who disappears in the night to do spooky elf stuff beneath the light of the Dragon Face Moon.
- The drippy necromancers inside the house, honestly quite baffled at what just went down, let the party come inside to rest up. The party feast on fried fleas and settle down to sleep, except for Astro Moon who finishes of the Seasea Landland and Liber Quint who disappears in the night to do spooky elf stuff beneath the light of the Dragon Face Moon.
Total: 7000 exp
Valuables:
- A fair amount of crab meat
- A fair amount of crab meat
- A Gifflewim Coin (500 exp)
Total: 500 exp
Foes Vanquished:
- Elemy Scorpio, defeated in a duel (25 exp)
- Barry d'Louse, indicted and executed by Crab (5 exp)
- 5 Corpse Fleas (25 exp)
Total: 55 exp
- Elemy Scorpio, defeated in a duel (25 exp)
- Barry d'Louse, indicted and executed by Crab (5 exp)
- 5 Corpse Fleas (25 exp)
Total: 55 exp
Exp Totals:
- George / Swan the Swift, Level 4 Barbarian: 11033 (Level up at 16000)
- Ollie / Iskander Fullbeard, Level 3 Fighter: 7408 (Level up at 8000)
- Charles / Celebus Uppytus, Level 3 Necromancer: 5824 (Level up at 9000)
DING! +1d4 HP! +1 Mana! +1 Free Spell!
DING! +1d4 HP! +1 Mana! +1 Free Spell!
- Kitty / Liber Quint, Level 3 Bibliognost: 5036 (Level up at 9000)
DING! +1d6 HP! +1 Mana! +1 Free Spell!
- Izzy / Astro Moon, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 4395 (Level up at 4500)
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