Session 433 - Wasteland Wanderers

Date: 11th November 1625

Zenith Deity: The Scorned

Moon Phase: Third Quarter

Moon Face: Dirty Face

New Backstory:

- Havarti Honeybun was in love with a Knotsman, who of course was part of the people keeping her clan enslaved in the Veins of the Earth. She couldn't be together with him, so she permanently made him a part of her... by killing and eating him. At the start of each session, +2 AC until you commit a dishonourable act.

- Ghost Snels had a beautiful pastor's garden on account of his green thumb. Tragically, his smoking skull-head makes it difficult to tend to plant life despite his skill. +2 to reaction rolls with plant-based creatures.

- Hidra's uncle died protecting him from scavengers during the Poisoned Years, and Hidra has never truly forgiven himself. If an ally would die, take a crit from whatever killed them to make them unconscious instead.

Events:

--- We Don't Need Roads

- With the wasteland castle officially cleared and defended, our heroes are now clear to go elsewhere! Perusing the local map, they identify a whole bunch of interesting stuff that they'd like to check out. The plan is to do a big loop and end up at the town at the end of the enormous bridge that leads to the Goblin city of Grendel.

- The weather is, as ever, abysmal. Autumn brings a variety of rains that all suck in different ways. Thankfully Hidra has his old war-wagon which keeps everyone safe from the worst of the rain.

- Hidra and Sulphur get on surprisingly well, with Hidra impressing everyone with his skill at the reins.

--- One of Several Categories of Phallic Objects

- The first landmark is a Pylon (separate to Markingspikes, but in a similar league to Pyramids).

- This Pylon, a huge jutting three-sided edifice that looms above the Wastes, is surrounded by real actual tree-based non-mushroom forest. Misty rain pours down. Birds chirp from the rainsoaked branches. It's just like old times!

- They spy Glimmerjack, a sort of softly-glowing shallot, in the roots of the trees and gather enough for a meal or two.

- Havarti approaches the Pylon itself and sees that the black-and-yellow-edged bunker doors are wide open. There is a sizzle of bluish electricity from within when she chucks a rock through.

- She comes closer and waves the end of her shortbow past the threshold.  She hears a squeaky voice but nought else.

--- Exploratory Support

- She enters and sees blue-skinned and blue-winged goblins walking away from her to her left. They must be the source of the light and goblin voices, but they don't sound particularly agitated so she assumes they're simply on patrol.

- She takes the corridor in the other direction and comes to a door that sounds like it traps a whirlwind. The rest of the party choose this moment to sneak in behind her.

- She opens the door and WHOOOOSH! There is indeed a whirlwind within! The walls are enscribed with a repeating motif of Cold and Heat glyphs, but there are no master runes to actually create the tornado that tears at her clothes and hair.

- She retreats, closes the door, and backs into the rest of the gang. She looks very windswept!

--- The Scorned

- They try another door and discover a large chamber with a large circular plinth in the centre. A black mirror takes up the whole south wall.

- They poke and prod and - wow! - the expected god-hologram appears! This week The Scorned is at zenith, and so a man dressed in rusted iron and wielding a rusted blade shimmers into existence.

- Hidra, as the only Nonanist in the group, takes the lead.

- He learns a fair amount of stuff from the love-bombing pervert god. The Pylons take the energies of Marduk, Superchron Dragon and redirect them into the Pyramid network which once pumped poison downwards. This Pylon is currently active, hence the beech and oak forest that surrounds it.

- They decide to leave the Pylon as is. It's on, all is well, let's not fuck with it for no reason. They quietly leave with no issue.

--- Popularity Crater

- The next stop is the big crater they saw several weeks ago while crashing their whale balloon. It's dark by the time they arrive, and the rain is constant. At the edge of the crater they see a small mob of goblins all with pale white pupil-less eyes and shelf fungus stepping down their necks.

- Their leader is a squat goblin with huge pupils and a wide ruff of fungus around his neck. Ghost Snels takes the fore due to his green thumb and his affinity for plantlife.

- They accept him for now! These are motile Goblins associated with the immotile Morning Light Mountain, but the hobgoblin leader has been away from the hivemind for long enough to start thinking for itself. Any hint of breaking free and his minions turn to look at him with a blind and baleful gaze.

- At the centre of the crater is a spike of rock upon which black armour stands watchful. The Goblins will not approach it for it destroys all goblins who come near. It shines with a wan grey glow.

- Havarti touches the hobgoblin's hand and sends a flash of consciousness into him. He is her creature now. A failsafe triggers. His shelf-fungus minions turn towards him with slavering gums.

- "RUN, FUNGUS, RUN!!" yells Havarti! The hobgoblin flees across the suppurating wastes, spewing enoki from his gullet, pursued by his young!

--- The Worst Stillsuit

- They trudge across the stone of the crater and approach the black armour. The suit hinges open and half a goblin slops to the ground, spine broken. The rest follows a few seconds later. It stands open and inviting.

- Hidra throws caution to the wind and enters the suit! It closes around him, pinching shut at wrists and waist and anus. He is worn by the armour. A voice echoes in his head. This is (to my surprise) Castigate Pox, Necromancer-General!

- The crater was formed when he detonated Rake Hacker's soul, wiping out a legion of shelf-goblin adversaries. The axe that was the whirlwind is long gone. Castigate can now only move if he's wearing somebody.

- Much is discussed in regards to how Hidra poops and pisses now that he's inside the suit. The answers cause much mirth amongst the ensemble. Short answer - don't stand on carpet for long.

--- A Night Unburdened

- Havarti shrugs and makes sure to gather some of the Goblin enoki spewed by the cratertop hobgoblin as he fled.

- They spend the night without food, planning instead to eat outside their next stop - a mysterious crypt.

--- Dawn

- This morning is the Warning. Soft clouds boom with cloud-to-cloud lightning. In years past this weather warned that the poison storms were well on their way. Today they portend lesser deaths.

- Nieval sleeps in his bubble-tent, immune to the alien smallpox that would slowly kill a nonbeliever in Qusilism. Ghost Snels and Havarti Honeybun, cooped up in the cart overnight, need their space.

- The sky rumbles. Havarti shifts uncomfortably. There is the distant sound of a woodchipper.

--- A Late Luncheon

- They reach the crypt and find it a straight-sided construction of pale white stone. Ancient, timeless, and mausoleum-esque at a stretch. More formed than built.

- Hidra cooks up Gloam Stew with Havarti's help. It's just Glimmerjack in water, but it's finally a repeat recipe. Yippee!

- They eat thin slabs of nasty cheese as they wait for it to be cooked.

- The meal is palatable.

--- Down, Down, King of Bones with a Coral Crown

- The crypt contains a spooky staircase that plunges deep into the earth. Hidra asks the armour that bears him what this is, but Castigate has never been here before.

- Sulphur feels the weight of magic. This place is old. The stone pulses with ancient energies.
- They descend six hundred and sixty-six steps to a room whose ceiling mosaic ceiling writhes in their vision. A huge many-eyed and many-armed melted cartilaginous skeleton is part-melted into the ground. 

- Sulphur raises the being. It claws its way from the stony floor as a wibbly wobbly cartilage skeleton.

- Havarti, Hidra and Sulphur behold the ceiling for a good day or so. In each of their minds, placed carefully by an nth-dimensional hand, is the knowledge of a ritual that can Bind the Shambler of the Endless Night.

- It requires 34 sacrificed wizards, two hours, and shackles crafted of black diamond.

- The party leave the dungeon the following day. In the mean time, Ghost Snels has been reading books. The Isle of Wights is almost totally destroyed (due to bone dragon emergence). Separately, the Witch Pirate of Guernsey yet lives!

 Total: 11000 exp

Treasures:

- Castigate Pox

- Forbidden Knowledge

Enemies Defeated:
- A bunch of Motile goblins (70 exp)

- Their master (30 exp)

Total: 100 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler, Cartographer, Paymaster and Chef (400 exp/level)
- Kitty the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)
- Ollie the Quartermaster (100 exp/level)
- George the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

- Charles the Artist (100 exp/level)

Exp Calc:

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 5 Boo-gilist: 33701 (Level up at 36000)

- Charles / Nieval the Good, Level 5 Specialist: 15878 (Level up at 28000)
*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!

- Carter / Hidra, Level 3 Fighter: 7302 (Level up at 8000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d8 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Hit! +1 to Crit/Fumble! +Backstory!

- George / Ghost Snels, Level 3 Denialist Cleric: 6402 (Level up at 9000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +Faith! +Healing Pool! +Backstory!

- Ollie / Havarti Honeybun, Level 3 Halfling: 5445 (Level up at 8000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Mind Control! +1 to Cooking! +Backstory!