Session 441 - Perfectly Lovely People

Date: 03 February 1626

Zenith Deity: Alaunus
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous
Moon Face: Dragon Face

Revealed Backstory:

- Hidra had a bout of road rage back when he was a road warrior and tore towards a battered war rig. He noticed the ambush just in time and veered off before the hidden rigs could fang it from the woods. +1 to Awareness.

- Havarti was used as a honeypot-ant by the denizens of the Veins, feeding her up to slaughter in case of lean times. +2 to heal when eating.

Events:

--- Dungeon Clear?

- Awakening in the mouth of the Christmas Cave, our heroes discuss their next steps.
- They've attained great treasures... but there was definitely another way further in and, even worse, hints at a deeper Santa Claus meaning. Do they return?

- They decide to return.

- They enter through the tiny door and head towards the floor puzzle they've already solved twice. Levers are pulled, stone grinds against stone. The door forward grinds open.

- Laughing faces glow in the dark. Tall christmas elves step forth, icicle swords in their hands. Small elves with snowballs take the rear.

- Surprisingly they are willing to talk to Hidra, who holds the "Hope Shard" of Santa Claus. They state that he should never go close to the Doom Shard of Santa Claus that is bound in the lowest depths.

--- Forth 

- After much persuasion, the elves let our heroes through, but say that they will be waiting to destroy the party if they awaken the Doom Shard. They openly take up defensive positions.
- The way beyond has ancient warriors upon plinths. Downing invisibility potions allows the party to investigate side doors. In one, skeletons wielding wreaths. In another, undead whiling away the time playing cards and reading books.

- They move on into a room which is clearly a boss room. An enormous throne squats before steps that lead up to a fountain of blood. Upon the throne is a great and monstrous creature,

---The Doom Shard

- Sulphur, invisible, sneaks into the dark and salty throne room. He heads for the blood fountain, dips a finger, and touches it to his tongue. His organs wiggle ominously. The figure on the throne stirs and asks "who sups?"

- Sulphur sneaks around to the opposite side of the throne, avoiding the sluggy eyestalks that glance around behind the throne.

- Ghost Snels stalks forward proudly and in the light of his fiery head sees the shape of the throne creature, more sea-life than man. His beard is grasping suckered tentacles, his feet are a great and terrible urchin. One hand is a huge crushing crab claw, the other is a lithe and living eel. In his chest is an enormous clam.

- Our heroes are used to appraising treasure. The pearl in his chest is worth tens of thousands of obols. Scraggly pines either side of the throne are hung with gems that glimmer like fairy lights.

- Snels talks to the being, who is the First Santa. The apocalyptic gifts of the deep were his, bestowed from the depths by a dread subnautical God. He remains here to contain the worst evils of the deeps, and gave the good gift-giving parts of it to his son who combined with the dark gifts of Mrs Claus and became the first Father Christmas.
- He contains the Doom Shard of Santa, and is scared that he will die and allow it to recombine with the Hope Shard of Santa Claus. If this happens, the frog monsters will rise up and drown the world entirely!

--- Slurp

- Ghost Snels considers this and walks past the awful figure, supping deep of the mulled blood fountain and gaining laser eyes that light fires with a glance.

- Havarti approaches the fountain, takes up a drinking horn, and sups deep of the wine from the Mulled Dimension. Her hand warps into a biomechanical gun!

- Sulphur takes this all as a good sign, drinks deep, and becomes... THE SUN!

- Every time he is in sunlight he shall absorb solar energy until he detonates in a fission reaction that will devastate everything above ground level in several miles. Until then, his bone glow brightly through his skin.

--- Perfectly Acceptable Conclusion

- Recognising that killing the sea-man for his giant pearl is a clear apocalypse enabler, they decide to leave.

- On the way out, the tall elves are very relieved that they didn't kill the Doom Shard of Santa. That would have been bad!

- They leave the cave complex and decide where to go. They could go to "Whence", aka the previous location before the Christmas Special, or check out the mysteriously/ominously/enticingly named "Daddy's Farm".

- Daddy's Farm it is!

--- An Ominously Lovely Time

- The route to Daddy's farm takes them along a frozen stream towards an area covered with a mild winter. Laughter trickles from a ruined tower. They call out, and a young girl runs down, fascinated by visitors. She tells them of her dad who owns Klausson's Farm just down the way, then runs off towards it followed by her enormous yet playful wolf.

- Suspicion sets in, yet the party follow.

- Havarti takes a detour on the way to the farmhouse, sneaking into the barn. She sees a large son, pet pigs, a horse, and not much else. 

--- An Ominously Lovely Dinner

- It's a no shoes indoors kind of place, so Hidra isn't allowed in.

- The family inside seem perfectly lovely, and say that they often have visitors around this time due to a preponderance of Christmas Specials amongst various groups of heroes.

- Everything is just a little bit off. The teenager keeps his knives sharp (for cooking). The girl child is great at setting traps (for the enormous penguins around here). The mother shuffles strangely when she's away from the sink. The dad is happy and friendly (ominous).

- Upstairs, Ghost Snels have been shown the guest room and the enormous locks that keep the doors shut. Can't be too careful, says the girl child. Sometimes we have guests from settings where werewolves and such are common.

--- An Ominously Locked Door

- Havarti decides that she'll sleep with her hyena next to the huge wolf in the stables. 

- Sulphur, inspecting the guest rooms with Ghost Snels, finds a full-sized penguin suit in a wardrobe and seizes it immediately.

- The bell rings, and all must go downstairs for tea. In the end it's just Sulphur seated at the table because everyone else is sleeping in the barn or Ghost Snels "meditating religiously" upstairs.
- Hidra has his head through a window as the food is served. It's a delicious Penguin Stew, no human meat in there at all. 

- The large son walks in, late for dinner. Just before he left he told Havarti that guests are forbidden to open the locked doors in the farmhouse, and please do not mention the name Mrs Claus in front of his mother.

- We smash cut to Ghost Snels. He's picking an unknown lock that leads to the attic. He hears a low growl...

Total: 9000 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler and Paymaster (200 exp/level)

- George the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)

- Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

- Ollie the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals: 

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 6 Boo-gilist: 66663 (Level up at 72000)

- Carter / Hidra, Level 6 Fighter: 39464 (Level up at 64000)

- George / Ghost Snels, Level 6 Denialist Cleric: 37464 (Level up at 72000)
*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +Faith! +Healing Pool! +Backstory!

- Ollie / Havarti Honeybun, Level 5 Halfling: 22698 (Level up at 32000)

Session 440 - Frogs with Freakin' Octopuses in Their Mouths

Date: 20 January 1626

Zenith Deity: The Scorned
Moon Phase: New Moon
Moon Face: Dragon Face

New Backstory:

- Nieval the Good had perfectly planned the conversion of an entire village to the Quizlist faith, getting them each to touch a Marlingspike as it surged with rainbow energies. They were all taken, body and soul, into wherever one goes when they touch a spike. Task failed successfully. +2 AC and Saves for 10 minutes when a plan goes awry.

- Havarti Honeybun was horribly lost in the Veins of the Earth when... lo! A party of friendly strangers took her in! Once per session, cause a helpful stranger to somehow appear.

Events:

--- Into the Hidden Passage

- Well-rested and well-fed, our heroes enter the cave once more. They head swiftly for the pentagram puzzle room and discover that it's reset in their absence! It's quick work with the levers to reopen the way.

- Ghost Snels tears the golden statuette of Santa-if-he-had-tentacles-for-a-beard into 6 pieces, his fingers digging into its strangely fleshy surface. The revealed inner surfaces drip with salt water. Everyone gets a piece, how lovely!

- They ensure that the way out is accessible even if the door closes (smart) and head down the stairs beyond. The bas reliefs go from old timey pre-Christian winter motifs to an undersea theme. Seaweed, deep sea fish, things that squirm and writhe.

- Ahead, an archway to the next room. To the side, a big round metal door is rimed with ice. If it wasn't iced over you'd be able to sort of roll it aside into the wall cavity. Sulphur gets to work with the fire rune on his weapon, melting it away.

--- Spike-Bellied Revenants

- Hidra investigates the dark way forward. Eyes glow blue-white and a voice groans out something in Old Norse. Luckily almost everyone speaks Old Norse for some reason - maybe it's just standard schooling here? - and they understand its meaning - "Merry Solstice!"

- The beings come forward into the light. They are zombies of some sort, tight skin stretched over old bone, and spikes protrude from their bellies like they swallowed a ball of spines. A sixth one follows and walks over to Hidra, it's his weekly free zombie!

- Hidra strikes one with the Black Blade of the Dardanelles to see if the belly thing is a separate entity to the revenant, and VWOMP! The whole guy disappears! Clearly one entity by the sword's reckoning.

- This angers the revenants! Hidra tries to kick the spikes out of one's belly, fails, and after a series of 1s and 20s it works! The body explodes into ice and leaves the spiky thing - a sea urchin - on the floor. Hidra punts the urchin into another revenant to give it competition!

- The others run in, Havarti dropping from her ghost-eater hyena on the ceiling, the others swarming in behind.

- Nostradama smites a zombie with holy power. Ghost Snels cracks his great whip. Sulphur abandons the door-unfreezing quest to attack them too.

- Several urchins hit the floor, crackle... and EXPLODE! The party is blown back by the sea mine sea urchin explosion.

- Havarti invokes her backstory and wishes for a helpful stranger to emerge.
- A dark figure with a black dagger appears in the shadows of the archway. It gestures, and the remaining revenants follow it into the gloom.

--- I Don't Like Em Putting Chemicals in the Water

- Sulphur melts away the last of the ice and sees that there are handprints sunk into the metal to help you roll it. The only weird thing? The hands are webbed...
- War stories and legends of old are told to those who know not of the accursed Frog Monsters.

- They go through and find a collapsed tunnel forward which will take time to clear. Everything is moist.

- In clearing the rubble, they find the corpse of a small person dressed as a christmas elf. Hidra takes its bells.

- The route, now clear, slopes downwards. They follow and come to a side tunnel that leads to a big pool of algae-covered water. Ghost Snels dips his hands in to gather some delicious algae and... SSSSSSS! It's actually acid!

- Ghost Snels and Nieval poke around in the acid with a pole and recover a couple of books from the bottom of the pool, written on thin leaves of stone. They are Book #180 "Other Histories" and Book #182 "The Brass Hell". Nieval is excited about the latter until Ghost Snels informs him that it's just the name for the megadungeon under/inside Fortress-City Fate.

- Havarti draws a Repel Water rune and repels the acid away, allowing them to collect some of the acidophilic algae for testing purposes.

--- Can't Take You Anywhere

- They go back into the sloping tunnel and find the end. A pitch black pool. A huge gnarled and rusty iron circle on the back wall, thankfully unpowered. In the centre of the pool, a plinth upon which a golden statue squats hideously.
- Havarti rides her ghost-eating hyena up the walls until they dangle over the statue. She uncoils a rope, ties it to the harness, and starts to lower herself down.

- Sulphur reaches down to test the black liquid and discovers that it is oil.
- GRAAAERGGGHH!
- Sulphur sees the frog monster leap from the water just in time! He steps back, grabs a handful of teeth from the pouch at his waist, and punches it straight down the frog monster's throat!

- It detonates, tearing the frog to shreds! An octopus floats out of its ruined corpse.

- Simultaneously, Havarti has grabbed the idol. There is a clunk. Everyone goes "ah..."

- Holes in the ceiling drop fiery debris, igniting the oil in a great WHOOOOSH of heat! Havarti is on fire! Sulphur staggers back from the burning pool! The hyena HOWLS in dismay!

- Havarti swiftly disrobes as the hyena flees back towards the way out, her burning clothes falling into the flaming oil below. Sulphur stops, drops and rolls. Those further up the tunnel are harmed by smoke inhalation as the acrid fumes wash upwards!

- Amphibious Assault Vehicle: Fr0G

- Lightly crisped frog monsters leap from the burning oil as Nostradama heals Havarti's wounds with holy light. Nostradama watches in horror as one leaps at Sulphur and swallows him whole before diving back under the flames!

- Battle is joined as everyone attempts not to get swallowed. It quickly becomes evident that these frogs are long dead, merely amphibious exo-suits for the octopuses controlling them from within!

- Hidra whips an octopus out of a frog's mouth and into his hand, where he crushes it.

- Inside the frog, Sulphur is in deadly battle with the octopilot which is trying to strangle him. He has an idea and purses his lips, smooching the octopus right on its beak. As the prophecies foretold, the octopus dies, leaving Sulphur in alleged control of the frog. Alas, without eight limbs it's only partially controllable.

- Sulphur hears more of them coming from inside the frog-suit, so surfaces, jumps out of the mouth, and tells everyone to run! He tooth-bombs the first wave of reinforcements, and everyone flees with the idol!

- Dungeon-Doku

- They escape, grabbing christmas elf clothes from the corpse as they go. Havarti is grateful to have any clothes at all really!

- Havarti inspects the statue. This is a proper 100% A-Grade Cthulhu Statue. It's mad valuable, and after a brief scuffle Ghost Snels divides it up like the other one.

- They exfiltrate all the way out to the entrance and cook a meal of the strange acid-resistant algae, leftover jollof rice, and nice fresh octopus. They call it "Dungeon-Doku" and it's quite nice!

Total: 7000 exp

Foes Vanquished:

- A few Urchin-Bellied Revenants (225 exp)
- Several Octopus-Controlled Frog Monsters (100 exp)

Total: 325 exp

Treasures Gained:

- Book #180: Other Histories (50 exp)

- Book #182: The Brass Hell (50 exp)

- Golden Cthulhu Statue (20 000 exp)

Total: 20 100 exp

OOC: 

- Carter the Chronicler

- George the Expedition Leader

- Charles the Paymaster

- Kitty the Vanguard

- Zoë the Chef

100 exp/level/job

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 6 Boo-gilist: 63813 (Level up at 72000)

- Zoë / Nostradama, Level 6 Cleric of Nonanism: 54869 (Level up at 72000)

- Carter / Hidra, Level 6 Fighter: 36014 (Level up at 64000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d8 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Hit! +1 to Crit/Fumble! +Backstory!

- Charles / Nieval the Good, Level 6 Specialist: 36056 (Level up at 56000)

- George / Ghost Snels, Level 5 Denialist Cleric: 34614 (Level up at 36000)

- Ollie / Havarti Honeybun, Level 5 Halfling: 19948 (Level up at 32000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Mind Control! +1 to Cooking! +Backstory!

Session 439 - The Cave of Christmas Past

Date: 13 January 1626

Zenith Deity: Minerva
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent
Moon Face: Dragon Face

Events:

--- Gifts for Havarti

- We return to the party where we left them - in the outskirts of the Winter Wonderland.
- Havarti has arrived, so they send her to Zulu Claus who is still giving out gifts. Havarti receives a long-lost artifact - the Shield Of International Day Of! This shield grants the wielder immunity to whatever nonsense corporate International Day Of it happens to be on the day of the session!

- Havarti has crafted her ghost-eating hyena a saddle so it's easier to ride on the ceiling, and Ghost Snels has obtained an invisible dog (or is it just a trick leash that looks like an invisible dog??..hmmm)

--- Draugr Loot

- Nieval the Good is whinging about the lack of loot recently, and hey! The map has a location called Draugr Loot marked right on it!

- They approach and find a gnarly cave in the icy wastes. The floor has a map of the area in relief upon it.
- There's a preserved corpse of a fancy Santa. Some sort of distant past Santa where he's all forest themed. An ancient pre-coca cola Santa. Sulphur raises it as a zombie and finds a bauble necklace with a square hole around its neck. Loot already!

--- Snowfall

- The way forward is very low, so Havarti goes first due to being short. At the end of the crawlspace is a little door with a square protrusion. Perfect for the bauble to become a doorknob! It works, and they enter.

- Inside it's a proper little dungeon carved out of the rock. There are festive pre-Christian shapes and symbols in relief on the walls.

- There are also levers! Pushing them causes rumbling from deeper in.

- They leave the levers for now and try a nearby room. There are barrels of what turns out to be Yak Oil made from rendered yak tallow, old Viking-style shields and spears, and a mysterious nook which is blatantly a secret door.
- Hidra opens himself to the dungeon with his Mentor Bonus and discovers the dungeon has 19 rooms. Good to know!

- Sulphur finds the secret door latch and CLICK! A massive amount of super-cold snow drops from the ceiling, dealing massive cold damage!

- Nieval and Sulphur administer Terry's Chocolate Orange to the wounded.

--- Circular Logic

- The room that made grinding sounds is next, and they discover a classic puzzle where the rings rotate to create a full image. In this case, a symbol that's somewhere between a snowflake and a pentagram!

- Operating the (noisy) levers, they manipulate the puzzle into place. 

- A square peg pops up in the middle, and the bauble key opens it. Part of the walls grinds down to reveal a golden statuette of Santa... but with a squat pose and a beard of tentacles. Ghostly faces phase through the wall and look upon it dreamily.

- Sulphur uses ghost vision to see what they are. Four spirits, tied to the statuette by ephemeral bonds!

- Good thing they've got a ghost-eating hyena, a ghost-punching Boogilist, and a few magical nonsenses to help beat a ghost's face in!

--- Icy Grip

- Ghost Snels casts See No Evil to become unaffected by (and unable to affect) Chaotic beings, thus winking out of sight for like half the party. He drags the golden idol away, pulling the confused ghosts forward!
- The battle is fierce, but short. The ghosts' rending icy claws no match for the teeth and fists.

- While the hyena chomps down immaterial ghostflesh, Nieval gathers ectoplasm. It's good eatin'!

- The idol says "the gifts of the deep are for all those who are good" in old Norse, which loads of people can read apparently.

- The door past the idol opens and a cold breeze rolls out...

--- Trapped Chest?

- Rather than go further in, they decide to head back and try a side door they missed earlier.

- There's a string of smaller rooms. One has a Mjolnir necklace (or is it an Old Miner symbol?). The next has preserved corpses lying on plinths, dressed as Christmas Elves. They shrink down over time as the dress become more modern. Christmas elves... are human?

- The last room has a bunch of barrels and a very obvious unlocked chest. The others wait outside the room as Hidra opens it from a distance with a pole...
- He sees the gleam of treasure and SHUNK! A claw scrapes down Hidra's back from behind!

- The barrels are in fact some sort of barrel spider crab thing! There are three of them! Disney inspired music presumably begins playing.

--- Battle of the Barrels

- Hidra smashes open on of the barrels, revealing that the creature's body is actually quite tiny. He uses his Santa powers to magically vanish up the barrel-hole of one of them... and spends the next little while trapped in there with his crabbish foe!
- Ghost Snels sends in his invisible dog... but it's not trained to fight. They hear occasional whimpering as it accidentally gets underfoot.

- Nieval lays down covering fire with his mounted repeater crossbow from the doorway.
- Sulphur magic-punches the exposed spider, then shoves a handful of teeth into the other. The Teeth Bomb explodes, hurting the creature within!

- Havarti tries to explode its barrel with a gambit... but fully fails. The Shield of International Day Of is destroyed! She keeps the automatically updating data counter thing from the front. Maybe she can recreate it one day.
- Hidra finally breaks his way out of the barrel, ripping off the crab-monster's legs as he does so! Its one-eyed head ponks to the ground like a volleyball... where it is immediately grabbed and killed by the invisible dog!

--- The Feasting

- With various people somewhat injured by the battle against the barrel spiders, it's time to cook! The legs are very much like big ol' crab legs, and they've got some extra ingredients ready to go.
- The result is "I Ate This Once Outside of a Nigerian Haunted House" which really trips off the tongue. It contains Jollof Rice, ectoplasm, human skin, Ibex meat, and spider crab legs.
- Hidra refuses to eat it due to the human content, but his Santa powers require him to eat milk/brandy based foods anyway so whatever. The others find that it is absurdly delicious, and furthermore means they don't actually need shelter to sleep tonight! Convenient!

- The rest outside in the cave mouth, warmed by delicious food.

Total: 9000 exp

Treasure:

- Bauble-Key necklace (100 exp)
- Gold "Cthulhu Santa" idol (8000 exp)

- Mjolnir/Old Miner necklace (7 exp)
- Norse gold coins (1500 exp)
Total: 9607 exp

Foes:

- 4 spirits (300 exp)
- 3 barrel spider crabs (750 exp)
Total: 1050 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler (100 exp/level)

- Kitty the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)

- Charles the Paymaster (100 exp/level)

- Ollie the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

- George the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 6 Boo-gilist: 59297 (Level up at 72000)

- Charles / Nieval the Good, Level 6 Specialist: 31540 (Level up at 56000)
*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!
- Carter / Hidra, Level 5 Fighter: 31498 (Level up at 32000)

- George / Ghost Snels, Level 5 Denialist Cleric: 30198 (Level up at 36000)

- Ollie / Havarti Honeybun, Level 5 Halfling: 16032 (Level up at 32000)
*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Mind Control! +1 to Cooking! +Backstory!

Session 435 - You Get a Minion! You Get a Minion!

Date: 25th November 1625

Zenith Deity: Alaunus

Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent

Moon Face: Pocked Face

New Backstory:

- Sulphur force-fed Nieval the Good back when he nearly died in the ruined castle. Double healing when you give somebody else food.

- Hidra brought out his finest long-prepared supplies when his Lord was restored. It went great! When you take a break, you may declare that you're planning a heist. Next turn you may flash back to the heist planning session and alter the present!

- Havarti encouraged her own lynching in order to feign death and escape the Veins of the Earth! +1 damage per ally surrounding a foe.

- Ghost Snels had a lapse of faith, but when the Pope revealed himself to be a Protestant clone of Ghost Snels' nephew, his faith was restored!! +2 to beneficial cleric magic.

Events:

--- Unhappy Valley

- The party debate what to do now that they have a big wooden goose to fly around in (so long as they stay in the region of menacing spikes). It's got a little bit more range than that, so at Sulphur's request they decide to hit up the spooky valley that fills one with dread to look upon.

- The goose is loose! It lands at the edge of the valley which is choked with mist. A few big flaps of its wings blows aside the mist for a few minutes, revealing a small army of about a hundred skeletons standing at the end of the box canyon.

- Sulphur snorts a line of bone dust, punches himself in the eye, and casts Detect Animated Dead. Only about a third of the skeletons are animated, the rest are just freestanding bones. Closer inspection shows that all the skeletons have hinges at the joints.

- Sulphur slurps up a Last Breath and casts Subjugate Dead a bunch until he's captured all thirty of the animated skeletons! You get a minion! Good thing they brought a Boo-Gilist!

--- Ghost-Eaters

- There are two cave entrances at the bottom of the canyon, and further up the slope are a couple of different doors which seem intentional. They decide to start at the bottom and work their way up.

- Nieval goes first, hears growling, and backs away so that Sulphur can send in his skeleton army.

- The skeletons come across... hyenas! Havarti pushes through and Tames one with her Halfling mind powers. You get a minion! The hyena accedes to her will, and she discovers that it has the power to walk on walls.

 
- One of the skeletons is lost to a hyena on the ceiling that reaches down from above and grabs it by the skull, they witness the pack devouring the skeleton's animating spirit. These hyenas can eat ghosts!

- They leave the hyenas to it. No harm, no foul. The other cave corridor is half-height, leading to the skeletons bonking their skulls. There is a mysterious patch of wet seaweed hanging from the wall, which is immediately gathered for food.

--- Necromancer vs Boogilist

- Ghost Snels runs ahead for he has a miracle that makes him unaffectable and imperceivable to Chaotic beings, and vice versa. He enters the next room and uses context clues to deduce that skeletons are digging out one of the walls.

- He retreats and the others relay his words to Sulphur, since he's also a Chaotic being and as such cannot see the Cleric.

- The others peer into the room, seeing a group of 5 zombies digging through the wall. Sulphur rolls in and poaches one of the skeletons. Good to have a Necromancer when the Dead are around! 

- Unfortunately there's an enemy Necromancer in here too, unseen by Ghost Snels for obvious See No Evil reasons, and he's plenty miffed that someone's nicked one of his workers.

- The Necromancer starts to cast to steal his zombie back, but Hidra is faster! Hidra's whip drags him through his zombie coterie and into the middle of the room, cancelling the spell and making its magics go wild!

- Instead of Subjugating the zombies the spell inverts and subjugates the Necromancer to Hidra's will! You get a minion! His name is Mancy and I have a wonderful time finding his voice, but I'm worried that I've created an ambiguously gay tulpa who knows what mpreg means.

--- Dig! Dig! Dig! Diiiiig!

- The fight is over quicker than it started. Hidra commands his minion to stand down his own minions. Apparently Mancy is down here as a sort of punishment detail, finding a way to dig into the complex proper.

- They question him and discover that this is the ancient tomb of Un'Goth (quoth Sulphur - "so a prep") who once ran or at least was involved with the cult of Tyrsis. He knows of various treasures within, such as the Black Blade of the Dardanelles and the Spirit-Tomb of Po-Ki-Man.

- Sulphur sets his skeletons army to digging through the wall. Many hands etc.

- They check out the room behind Mancy and discover 6 canopic jars (which is somewhat anachronistic). Each has an organ floating within, but each also has some sort of tasty ingredient like the salt-packed skin or the balsamic vinegar preserving the brain. All lick their lips and consider whether they're down for cannibalism. They share the jars around.

--- Dinner Party

- There's going to be some time before the skeletons can dig through that dang wall, so they decide to cook something.

- Ghost Snels forces Mancy to eat the strange enoki that he picked up from the floor near the Morning Light Mountain shelf-fungus goblins. Mancy eats and starts to foam as the enoki replicate.

- Hidra leaps forth and rips the fungus from his minion's throat! He casts it into the fire, destroys it.

- Nostradama, meanwhile, is cooking what she calls the California Dinner Party from seaweed, human meat, and cheese. How does she know about California? Maybe she reads Spanish classics? We just don't know. It's moderately tasty at least.

- Hidra "reads" the dungeon with his backstory powers. It's a single level (from above) but tiered like a hill village.

- Sulphur converts a skeleton into a bookshelf by reforming the rib cage. Sick.

--- Onwards and Inwards

- With that, the wall breaks through! The skeletons and zombies mill about.

- The walls within are a smooth black stone. Possibly polished basalt, possibly rasterised souls. Who can say?

- Ghost Snels asks Mancy if Necromancers have their own language, but no.

- They explore this part of the complex. They come to a statue carved of that same black stone. It's a big guy in robes, huge pauldrons, clutching a skull. His head gouts smoke. It looks a bit like Ghost Snels but Mancy insists that this is Ur'Goth.

--- I Announce the Sacred Word - Open!

- They explore further and find some stairs upwards. Sulphur has an idea though.

- He heads back to the statue, slurps a Last Breath, and says "OPEN!".

- The skull hinges backwards, revealing a button that presses itself. A secret door grinds aside.

- Three more canopic jars are within. There is a further door.

--- The Maggot Man

- They open the next door and see a man lying on a slab who writhes with maggots. He is surrounded by 6 robed cultists.

- "Who enters my immortality chamber??"
- Mancy reveals that he is the third member of the TRIUMVERATE OF EVIL NECROMANCERS!!!

- The party discuss the tautological nature of this statement.

- The Triumverate are made up of Mancy, Dargle and the de facto leader Balagos who wields the Doomed Axe of Castigate Pox. Hidra is very very interested.
- We end, as ever, on a cliffhanger!

Total: 9000 exp

Treasures:

- 9 Canopic Jars containing various flavours (4500 exp)

Total: 4500 exp

Foes:

- A small army of skeletons (300 exp)
- One ghost-eating hyena, ensorcelled (100 exp)
- A Necromancer (300 exp)
- Five zombies, kinda (50 exp)

Total: 750 exp

OOC: 

- Carter the Chronicler (100 exp/level)

- Charles the Expedition Leader, Paymaster and Artist (300 exp/level)

- George the Cartographer (100 exp/level)
- Ollie the Quartermaster (100 exp/level)
- Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

- Zoë the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Zoë / Nostradama, Level 6 Cleric of Nonanism: 44351 (Level up at 72000)

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 6 Boo-gilist: 39956 (Level up at 72000)

- Charles / Nieval the Good, Level 5 Specialist: 22933 (Level up at 28000)

- Carter / Hidra, Level 4 Fighter: 13957 (Level up at 16000)

- George / Ghost Snels, Level 4 Denialist Cleric: 12257 (Level up at 18000)

- Ollie / Havarti Honeybun, Level 4 Halfling: 11700 (Level up at 16000)

Session 434 - Gioco dell'Oca

Date: 18th November 1625

Zenith Deity: The Dead God

Moon Phase: New Moon

Moon Face: Dragon Face

New Backstory:

- Hidra was left behind as a decoy by his road warrior brethren and was forced to live off the land for months as he made his way back to them. +1 Bushcraft
- Nieval the Good attempted many stunts over the water and nearly drowned many times, giving him perpetual thallasophobia. +2 to Saves when away from water.

- Havarti Honeybun was married once while enslaved in the Veins of the Earth. She did it for money and status. +2 to Intelligence.

- Ghost Snels went "a bit wacky" during the German Peasant War and burned a few too many priests, cathedrals and religious artifacts for peoples' liking... but he couldn't stop! +2 when repeating a successful action.

Events:

--- Gooseward Bound

- Emerging from the crypt knowing a dark ritual to bind a monstrous entity, they decide to head for the opposite kind of thing - a whimsical giant wooden goose!
- It's just inside the menacing spike zone that surrounds the impact crater formed by dropping a massive spike-shaped city onto a massive proto-goblin mass, and due to Hidra's impeccable piloting abilities they get there in great time despite several near-spills!

- Havarti has heard of giant geese before. The great Ganshoggr will reward people with gems!

- The great goose is surrounded by what appears to be fields of wheat... but is in fact goose heads on long sinewy necks poking out from the earth!

- Ghost Snels approaches one and pulls it out. It's a whole goose! He snaps its neck and it dissolves into grain!

- The stuff the wheat into Havarti's sack as a goose-headed man runs over, honking that they killed his son and/or crops!
- After feathers are unruffled, he invites them to lunch with his wife.

--- Tree Horn Shenanigans

- On the way to the great wooden goose they find a tree festooned with candles and shields and topped by a great mysterious horn nailed to the trunk by a strap. Nine man-sized geese dance around the tree.

- Havarti slurps down her Invisibility Potion and sneaks up while Nieval breaks off bits of regenerating plastic cheese to distract the geese. She climbs the tree and discovers the horn is in fact a giant goose bill!

- She blows the horn and HOOOOONK!!! The great wooden goose awakens!

- It looks RIGHT AT HER! Havarti blinks out of invis and begins a Halfling mind battle!
- It's at full health and huge. She is at full health and small. It blows her back with the force of it's will. She realises that she faces a goose-talt intelligence!

- Around them, goose-people and goose-crops fall.

--- Into the Goose

- A great door in the giant goose's chest opens up, and rather than fight it, they decide to leap in!

- Before doing so, Nieval grabs a shield off the tree and soon discovers that it is the cursed Knight's Shield! It makes you immune to fear, but makes you unable to reject a challenge or duel. Nostradama grabs another shield, which is reassuringly regular.

- They jump into the wooden goose and all the motion stops. They are faced with a high stone slab. Hidra hurdles over a slab and land gracefully amongst six very surprised geese who are roasting goose neck sausages over a fire.

- Hidra gratefully receives a goose neck, which he disappears into his armours' mouthpiece somehow.

- The others follow by way of the intestine rope that crawls if you bite it.

--- Diplomancy Will Get You Anywhere

- Ghost Snels steps forth and introduces the party as emissaries from a nearby kingdom. Suddenly the geese are bowing and scraping. Emissaries, honk!

- They are told how to continue inside, and they continue into a candle-lit shrine and stairs leading down. There is a painting of a woman (a non-goose woman!) and a priestess in clerical robes.
- Nieval walks up and offends the priestess who is in fact a goblin! A senile and insulting hobgoblin! Part of the resistance to Morning Light Mountain, she is trying to take over the goose so as to attack the ancient enemy.

- Persuading her that they're here on a similar mission, they obtain the key that leads below.

--- Rag-Goose

- They enter a room with pillars. Gold glints in the corner, and at their approach a goose made from rags and clutching a golden egg emerges! Its necromantic nature prevents the egg from hatching.

- Sulfur breathes in some Last Breath and takes control of the rag goose. It's useful having a Necromancer around!

- He commands it to lead them to its master, and it does so, leading them to the Goose King himself!

--- Havarti, Goose Queen

- The Goose King is resplendent on his gilded throne! His crown shines and his bill glimmers healthily!

- He asks who beholds him and... Havarti takes control to take the crown!

- She seizes it and... the goose king becomes a duck! Hidra befriends it.

- Havarti places the crown upon her head and discovers she can CONTROL the great goose!

- They take the opportunity to fly over Morning Light Mountain, which festers like a green sarlacc pit.

- They decide that, given they've got a bomber now, they could do with heading to Grendel for some herbicidal recipes.

--- Airline Food

- There's a bit of extra time so they decide to eat something. All eyes turn to Hidra's duck friend...
- It's called "Royal Duck D'Lite", containing duck, grain, and chorizo. Thankfully they've finally got a Halfling back in the party, so it comes out delicious!

Total: 8000 exp

Murders:

- One duck (400 exp)

- Total: 400 exp

Treasures:

- Golden Egg (5000 exp)

- A giant flying wooden goose!

- Knights' Shield makes one immune from fear but unable to turn down a duel.

- A normal shield.

Total: 5000 exp

OOC: 

- Carter the Chronicler and Cartographer and Paymaster (300 exp/level)

- Kitty the Expedition leader (100 exp/level)

- Ollie the Quartermaster and Chef (200 exp/level)

- George the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

- Charles the Artist (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 6 Boo-gilist: 36981 (Level up at 72000)
*LEVEL UP! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! + Backstory!

- Charles / Nieval the Good, Level 5 Specialist: 19058 (Level up at 28000)

- Carter / Hidra, Level 4 Fighter: 11182 (Level up at 16000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d8 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Hit! +1 to Crit/Fumble! +Backstory!

- George / Ghost Snels, Level 4 Denialist Cleric: 9482 (Level up at 18000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +Faith! +Healing Pool! +Backstory!

- Ollie / Havarti Honeybun, Level 4 Halfling: 8925 (Level up at 16000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Mind Control! +1 to Cooking! +Backstory!

Session 433 - Wasteland Wanderers

Date: 11th November 1625

Zenith Deity: The Scorned

Moon Phase: Third Quarter

Moon Face: Dirty Face

New Backstory:

- Havarti Honeybun was in love with a Knotsman, who of course was part of the people keeping her clan enslaved in the Veins of the Earth. She couldn't be together with him, so she permanently made him a part of her... by killing and eating him. At the start of each session, +2 AC until you commit a dishonourable act.

- Ghost Snels had a beautiful pastor's garden on account of his green thumb. Tragically, his smoking skull-head makes it difficult to tend to plant life despite his skill. +2 to reaction rolls with plant-based creatures.

- Hidra's uncle died protecting him from scavengers during the Poisoned Years, and Hidra has never truly forgiven himself. If an ally would die, take a crit from whatever killed them to make them unconscious instead.

Events:

--- We Don't Need Roads

- With the wasteland castle officially cleared and defended, our heroes are now clear to go elsewhere! Perusing the local map, they identify a whole bunch of interesting stuff that they'd like to check out. The plan is to do a big loop and end up at the town at the end of the enormous bridge that leads to the Goblin city of Grendel.

- The weather is, as ever, abysmal. Autumn brings a variety of rains that all suck in different ways. Thankfully Hidra has his old war-wagon which keeps everyone safe from the worst of the rain.

- Hidra and Sulphur get on surprisingly well, with Hidra impressing everyone with his skill at the reins.

--- One of Several Categories of Phallic Objects

- The first landmark is a Pylon (separate to Markingspikes, but in a similar league to Pyramids).

- This Pylon, a huge jutting three-sided edifice that looms above the Wastes, is surrounded by real actual tree-based non-mushroom forest. Misty rain pours down. Birds chirp from the rainsoaked branches. It's just like old times!

- They spy Glimmerjack, a sort of softly-glowing shallot, in the roots of the trees and gather enough for a meal or two.

- Havarti approaches the Pylon itself and sees that the black-and-yellow-edged bunker doors are wide open. There is a sizzle of bluish electricity from within when she chucks a rock through.

- She comes closer and waves the end of her shortbow past the threshold.  She hears a squeaky voice but nought else.

--- Exploratory Support

- She enters and sees blue-skinned and blue-winged goblins walking away from her to her left. They must be the source of the light and goblin voices, but they don't sound particularly agitated so she assumes they're simply on patrol.

- She takes the corridor in the other direction and comes to a door that sounds like it traps a whirlwind. The rest of the party choose this moment to sneak in behind her.

- She opens the door and WHOOOOSH! There is indeed a whirlwind within! The walls are enscribed with a repeating motif of Cold and Heat glyphs, but there are no master runes to actually create the tornado that tears at her clothes and hair.

- She retreats, closes the door, and backs into the rest of the gang. She looks very windswept!

--- The Scorned

- They try another door and discover a large chamber with a large circular plinth in the centre. A black mirror takes up the whole south wall.

- They poke and prod and - wow! - the expected god-hologram appears! This week The Scorned is at zenith, and so a man dressed in rusted iron and wielding a rusted blade shimmers into existence.

- Hidra, as the only Nonanist in the group, takes the lead.

- He learns a fair amount of stuff from the love-bombing pervert god. The Pylons take the energies of Marduk, Superchron Dragon and redirect them into the Pyramid network which once pumped poison downwards. This Pylon is currently active, hence the beech and oak forest that surrounds it.

- They decide to leave the Pylon as is. It's on, all is well, let's not fuck with it for no reason. They quietly leave with no issue.

--- Popularity Crater

- The next stop is the big crater they saw several weeks ago while crashing their whale balloon. It's dark by the time they arrive, and the rain is constant. At the edge of the crater they see a small mob of goblins all with pale white pupil-less eyes and shelf fungus stepping down their necks.

- Their leader is a squat goblin with huge pupils and a wide ruff of fungus around his neck. Ghost Snels takes the fore due to his green thumb and his affinity for plantlife.

- They accept him for now! These are motile Goblins associated with the immotile Morning Light Mountain, but the hobgoblin leader has been away from the hivemind for long enough to start thinking for itself. Any hint of breaking free and his minions turn to look at him with a blind and baleful gaze.

- At the centre of the crater is a spike of rock upon which black armour stands watchful. The Goblins will not approach it for it destroys all goblins who come near. It shines with a wan grey glow.

- Havarti touches the hobgoblin's hand and sends a flash of consciousness into him. He is her creature now. A failsafe triggers. His shelf-fungus minions turn towards him with slavering gums.

- "RUN, FUNGUS, RUN!!" yells Havarti! The hobgoblin flees across the suppurating wastes, spewing enoki from his gullet, pursued by his young!

--- The Worst Stillsuit

- They trudge across the stone of the crater and approach the black armour. The suit hinges open and half a goblin slops to the ground, spine broken. The rest follows a few seconds later. It stands open and inviting.

- Hidra throws caution to the wind and enters the suit! It closes around him, pinching shut at wrists and waist and anus. He is worn by the armour. A voice echoes in his head. This is (to my surprise) Castigate Pox, Necromancer-General!

- The crater was formed when he detonated Rake Hacker's soul, wiping out a legion of shelf-goblin adversaries. The axe that was the whirlwind is long gone. Castigate can now only move if he's wearing somebody.

- Much is discussed in regards to how Hidra poops and pisses now that he's inside the suit. The answers cause much mirth amongst the ensemble. Short answer - don't stand on carpet for long.

--- A Night Unburdened

- Havarti shrugs and makes sure to gather some of the Goblin enoki spewed by the cratertop hobgoblin as he fled.

- They spend the night without food, planning instead to eat outside their next stop - a mysterious crypt.

--- Dawn

- This morning is the Warning. Soft clouds boom with cloud-to-cloud lightning. In years past this weather warned that the poison storms were well on their way. Today they portend lesser deaths.

- Nieval sleeps in his bubble-tent, immune to the alien smallpox that would slowly kill a nonbeliever in Qusilism. Ghost Snels and Havarti Honeybun, cooped up in the cart overnight, need their space.

- The sky rumbles. Havarti shifts uncomfortably. There is the distant sound of a woodchipper.

--- A Late Luncheon

- They reach the crypt and find it a straight-sided construction of pale white stone. Ancient, timeless, and mausoleum-esque at a stretch. More formed than built.

- Hidra cooks up Gloam Stew with Havarti's help. It's just Glimmerjack in water, but it's finally a repeat recipe. Yippee!

- They eat thin slabs of nasty cheese as they wait for it to be cooked.

- The meal is palatable.

--- Down, Down, King of Bones with a Coral Crown

- The crypt contains a spooky staircase that plunges deep into the earth. Hidra asks the armour that bears him what this is, but Castigate has never been here before.

- Sulphur feels the weight of magic. This place is old. The stone pulses with ancient energies.
- They descend six hundred and sixty-six steps to a room whose ceiling mosaic ceiling writhes in their vision. A huge many-eyed and many-armed melted cartilaginous skeleton is part-melted into the ground. 

- Sulphur raises the being. It claws its way from the stony floor as a wibbly wobbly cartilage skeleton.

- Havarti, Hidra and Sulphur behold the ceiling for a good day or so. In each of their minds, placed carefully by an nth-dimensional hand, is the knowledge of a ritual that can Bind the Shambler of the Endless Night.

- It requires 34 sacrificed wizards, two hours, and shackles crafted of black diamond.

- The party leave the dungeon the following day. In the mean time, Ghost Snels has been reading books. The Isle of Wights is almost totally destroyed (due to bone dragon emergence). Separately, the Witch Pirate of Guernsey yet lives!

 Total: 11000 exp

Treasures:

- Castigate Pox

- Forbidden Knowledge

Enemies Defeated:
- A bunch of Motile goblins (70 exp)

- Their master (30 exp)

Total: 100 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler, Cartographer, Paymaster and Chef (400 exp/level)
- Kitty the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)
- Ollie the Quartermaster (100 exp/level)
- George the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

- Charles the Artist (100 exp/level)

Exp Calc:

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 5 Boo-gilist: 33701 (Level up at 36000)

- Charles / Nieval the Good, Level 5 Specialist: 15878 (Level up at 28000)
*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!

- Carter / Hidra, Level 3 Fighter: 7302 (Level up at 8000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d8 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Hit! +1 to Crit/Fumble! +Backstory!

- George / Ghost Snels, Level 3 Denialist Cleric: 6402 (Level up at 9000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +Faith! +Healing Pool! +Backstory!

- Ollie / Havarti Honeybun, Level 3 Halfling: 5445 (Level up at 8000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Mind Control! +1 to Cooking! +Backstory!

Session 416 - The Dad That Should Not Be

Date: 1st September 1625

Zenith Deity: The Scorned

Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous

Moon Face: Clean Face

New Backstory:

- Manrat was the "audience" during the music of his ritual creation. When someone succeeds at a Music roll nearby, +2 to your next roll.

- Gryphon was washed away in a flood of goblin filth, which cemented his love of being in vehicles above such filth. +1 to Piloting.

- Sulphur was accused of consuming souls in the spirit realm... but it wasn't him that time! This forced his fusion soul into corporeality. Half damage from traps.

Events:

--- Faces New and Old

- Gryphon and Sulphur are huddled around a meagre fire in the night, camped on the fetid ground inside the crumbling curtain walls of a fallen fortress. Nieval the Good, recently healed and clutching his wounds after last session, will be left up here to recover and as such will not be appearing in this session.

- But hark! A sound! A pile of rats emerges and reveals Manrat hiding within! And skulking from the darkness, two Halflings! Gaius Julius Drusus, Roman Halfling Emperor, and Havarti Honeybun, a sweet Halfling lady with no such pretensions. Gaius rides upon Lurpak, a very strong manservant who has developed an odd couple relationship with his mind-master.

- Gryphon and Sulphur fill the crew in. This is a big ol' castle. Classic dungeon vibes. Lots of loot and lore about the mysterious goblin immotile Morning Light Mountain.

--- Spiders!

- They enter the castle, the Halflings loudly discussing how human flavour changes based on social class. Gryphon sorta remembers the way, and they come to a hall in which the high ceiling is covered in webs.
- Gaius spots it as it leaps - a pug-sized hunting spider! It hits him in the face, covering him with a thin layer of web as Lurpak tries to swat it away. Gaius fumbles with his torch and tries to light the web. Alas! It causes MORE spiders to leap out as they flee the flames!

- Gryphon swings his grappling hook and gambits to swing himself INTO a jumping spider! They hit midair and fall in a scrabbling heap. Havarti runs over to "befriend" the fallen spider but shock!!! the mental wrestle is LOCKED! They're in a MIND WAR!

- Gaius lays down covering fire. Sulphur gets bitten hard but ghost-punches it to death in retribution. Havarti loses the MIND WAR! She's stunned, overwhelmed with the spider's weaponised memories of webs and feasting.

- Manrat raises his arms and an outpouring of 40 rats surges forth! Gryphon pulls a spider into the swirling rodent vortex where it is consumed utterly.

- Havarti comes to and sees the devastation. The spiders are dead. Black smoke gutters on the ceiling as the slow fire consumes the grotty webs.
- Two daggers of strange design drop from the crackling webs - they are Sais, such as Raphael the Ninja Turtle might wield. Writing on the blades each read "long suffering". They keep them for Nieval, since their power increases with every lingering wound or disease the wielder is harbouring.

--- Father's Favourite Torture Sauna

- Gryphon leads them further into the castle and they come across what is clearly a torture chamber. Gryphon wonders why his father remodeled his favourite sauna into this!

- He finds a jar of eyeballs and tosses it to Sulphur. Useful reagents! Sulphur himself is pulling teeth out of a skeleton's mouth when SNAP! It bites his hand! Sulphur sucks out the lingering soul, deactivating the skull, then... keeps pulling teeth. It's a handful per cast, you see.

- They also find a couple of books. A racy POWERLAD novel (An Affair with POWERLAD) and a book on the Runic Wars. Sulphur reanimates a squad of skeletons for good measure. Waste not want not!

--- Coats and Prisons

- Gryphon leads them on and they find a chamber with a bed, wardrobe, and other bedroom accoutrements. Gryphon lifts a ring of keys and  a bag of coins from the dresser. Gaius gets a big cloak from the wardrobe and drapes it over himself and Lurpak for a two man "three kids in a coat" routine.

- In the back of the wardrobe is a magic lute! It's a Lute of Courage and causes all morale checks to succeed when played! Gaius plays it very well, a classic tune, then passes it on to Gryphon who promises to learn to play.

- The next area has a few prison cells. Searching the dank straw reveals cooking chorizo (tasty!) and a sachet of Beethoven Spice that grants +5 to Music when used in a meal.

--- I Am Your Father

- The next room is a study with has a body in it, slumped over a desk. Sulphur detects that there's life left in the body!

- They jostle the body and it wakes up, revealing that he is Gryphon's father! It transpires that it was he who hired the witch who cursed Gryphon to sleep for a hundred years and a day, and that he's been slurping Gryphon's blood the whole time to gain eternal life for himself!

- This is very much considered an evil act by all and sundry, and they subject him to summary execution. However his decapitated head rolls to the ground and keeps talking! He's an intelligent undead now!
- Gryphon attaches the head to his belt and chats with his dad while the others loot the corpse.
- They find a key (#12) and a spiked Wolf Choker which summons a spiritual hound!

- With the pub taking last orders, we finish on that bombshell. What will happen next time??

Total: 6000 exp

Treasures Looted: 

- Two Sais of Long-Suffering gain +1 die size per lingering injury and disease.

- Book #384 - An Affair with POWERLAD (100 exp)

- Book #150 - The Runic Wars (100 exp)

- Small bag of coins (300 exp)

- Ring of keys

- Lute of Courage negates morale checks when played

- Box of Cooking Chorizo (10 rations) (10 exp)
- Beethoven's Spice grants +5 to Music. Runs out on 1 in 6.

- Wolf Choker summons a HD4 Spirit Wolf to guard you in your sleep.

Total: 510 exp

Enemies Defeated:

- Some pug-sized hunting spiders (300 exp)

- Gryphon's Dad (20 exp)
Total: 320 exp

OOC: 

- Carter the Chronicler and Paymaster (200 exp/level)
- George the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)

- Tim the Triage (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 8 Ratman: 114246 (Level up at 224000)

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 5 Boo-gilist: 19440 (Level up at 36000)

- Timothy / Gaius Julius Drusus, Level 4 Halfling: 8854 (Level up at 16000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Mind Control! +1 to Cooking! +Backstory!

- Carter / Gryphon, Level 3 Fighter: 4194 (Level up at 8000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d8 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Hit! +1 to Crit/Fumble! +Backstory!

- Ollie / Havarti Honeybun, Level 2 Halfling: 2925 (Level up at 4000)

*LEVEL UP!* +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 to Mind Control! +1 to Cooking! +Backstory!

Session 414 - We Dropped This City! We Dropped This City in the Goblin Hole!

Date: 19th August 1625

Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous

Moon Face: Dragon Face

Zenith Deity: Oberon

New Characters:

- Brick, a Dwarf named for his dismal intelligence and (to our surprise since his failed career was rolled after naming) is an ex-bricklayer. There was much debate over what a "bricklaying stick" is, and it turns out in the end I was JUSTIFIED because it turns out I was thinking of a brick hod!

- Albedo, Inheritor from the Wastelands who it seems is a recovered vampire.

- Havarti Honeybun, a Halfling who survived the apocalypse by living in the veins of the earth.

Events:

--- Much Confusion

- There is initially much confusion because I hadn't done the previous recap before jetting off to Australia. Thankfully Carter keeps excellent records so was able to get us up to speed. Hurrah! Thank you Carter!
- As such, we find the party airborne over the Drudge Wastes, bobbing through the skies in the cracked remains of the bucket-city of Drudgespar, held aloft primarily be an enormous balloon made of the skin of a blue whale.

- Cytoplasmic mycelial gunk starts dripping out of the city and Sulphur uses a Soul Sight spell to confirm that yes, it is ensouled and yes, it's infecting whatever it likes down there! The party helps continue the goblin evacuation, warning them of the new threat.
- In the drama, two new people enter the party. Brick, a Dwarf, and Albedo, and Inheritor, get caught up in all the rush and are immediately trusted in the way that only PCs truly are.

- Albedo tests the mycellium in the walls... and it shoots out and starts trying to worm its way through her to her heart! Luckily she's an Inheritor so collapses into a pool of glooping ooze and blood to digest it right back. She absorbs its mycelium attack!

- Maxwell sets his helpers (with the help of a Repel-Life rune) to keep the cytoplasm back while they retreat.

--- Brick Save Pod

- Sulphur hears goblins pleading for aid in Bucketsides, and there they are! A little clan of bud-goblins whose peapod is threatened by the evacuation. They are congenitally unable to move it themselves, so it's Brick to the rescue! He digs out the pod, roots and all, and hefts it into his sack of bricks. The pod is saved!

- While Albedo discovers her new power (via lengthy negotiation), Sulphur is confronting some goblins with white eyes who have been taken over by the wall mycellia. Soul Sight shows that they're all connected to some sort of gestalt, they are BRIMMING with soul. They tell him their only wish is to kill everything on the planet, then run off to cause chaos!

--- Loot While You've Got the Chance

- Up on the top level, Maxwell and Zeppelino are rigging up a big Repel-Gravity rune to help get the city to its final destination above Morning Light Mountain. It's about 6 hours until the destination.

- In the mean time, they might as well loot the city! Turns out there's more lube around than expected.

- The city is now passing by Grendel, the great clockwork city built around a huge central crankshaft. Bystanders below gawp at the city flying past above. They might come back here, but first! The mission!

--- Vampire Speed Boost

- As the sun sets they see a swarm of dark shapes fast approaching from the southwest. It's a swarm of vampires sent to check out vhat's been happenink!

- Considering that there are actually blood-havers here, they are willing to make a deal! If they can have some blood, they're willing to help push the city to the final destination! In exchange they'll get lots of (willingly given and indirectly obtained) blood. The blood-havers start draining themselves in advance so they don't pass out from the blood loss later.

- They get closer and closer, now moving above the huge menacing spikes that slant outwards from the centre where Morning Light Mountain lurks...

--- City Just Dropped

- Finally Drudgespar is directly above. It's go time! The vampires are given their bloody reward (plus some alterket) and seem rather pleased.

- Goblins swarm below like ants and so Maxwell triggers the lightning rune he's been saving up. The goblins below are fried!... but then they start getting back up!

- Damn better do what they wanted then. They release the city from the blue whale balloon and drop the whole thing directly onto the home of Morning Light Mountain.
- It goes BOOOM and a shockwave ripples through the sludge in all directions! Crater dynamics are considered!

- The words MORNING LIGHT MOUNTAIN echo in everyone's minds, and the cytoplasm remaining in the city's walls squirms and squiggles against the ground as darker, greener cytoplasm emerges from the sludge and begins to subsume it...

--- Still Gotta Eat

- Up in the blue whale, ears popping after its rapid rise before the blue goblins could let out enough hydrogen from the gas bladders to stabilise it, the party decides that they'd better have something to eat before dealing with whatever it is that's going on down there.

- They make the aptly named "Rubble and Squeak" from a relatively homely mix of Rat, Sourdough, Mushroom and Potato. It's pretty good!

Total: 7000 exp

Enemies Defeated:

- A whole lot of goblins, kinda (1000 exp)

- Morning Light Mountain??? (??? exp)

Total: At least 1000 exp

Treasures Looted:

- 12 silver coins (12 exp)
- 2 vials of acid.

- 2 vials of lubricant.

- 2 doses of Alterket
- 3 doses of Notcoke

- Arcane Bath Bomb gives spellcasters back all their Mana.
- Scroll #61 - "Putrefy Food and Drink"
- Book #336 - "POWERLAD: Captivated by the Cultists"
- Amber Fishing Rod grants +2 to Bushcraft when fishing

Total: 12 exp

OOC:

Carter the Chronicler and Cartographer (200 exp/level)

Charles the Paymaster (100 exp/level)
Ollie the Quartermaster and Chef (200 exp/level)
Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 7 Goblin: 89977 (Level up at 128000)

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 7 Specialist: 69484 (Level up at 112000)

- Kitty / Sulphur, Level 4 Boo-gilist: 15646 (Level up at 18000)

- Kyle / Brick, Level 1 Brick: 1502 (Level up at 2000)

- Sophia / Albedo, Level 1 Inheritor: 1502 (Level up at 2250)

- Ollie / Havarti Honeybun, Level 1 Halfling: 1502 (Level up at 2000)