Session 281 - Red Dead Reception

It's been pointed out before, but ever since Red joined the party we've had far too many plays on the Red Dead Redemption joke in these session titles.
This time is no different.

An actually fairly cordial visit to a glass witch results in Jeremy Wizard getting some glass gimmick spells and Beepbox being replaced by his slightly better adjusted mirror-world analogue.
Welcome (back??) to the party, Kandy!

Within they find mostly pranks, and a quite a fun value inversion where knee-deep gold gets a "meh" reaction while a pantry full of food gets people celebrating!
Alright this is late as usual so I'm sending it off. See you folks tonight!

 

Session 281 - Red Dead Reception

New Backstory:
- Poison Phil ran away from home with a group of con artists in his youth. +1 to Reaction Rolls with outsiders, troupes, and other itinerants
- Kandy Toffee-Apple Moon d’Moor was given the last Rolo on planet Earth by his loving father. +2 when eating to heal.

Supplies:
- A sculpture of a glass creature (200 exp)
- 50 iron rations (2500 exp)
Total: 2700 exp

Foes Defeated:

- Several glass creatures, cowed (40 exp)
Total: 40 exp

Expedition:
- First party to enter the Glassblower’s Lair (400 exp)
- Reached Expedition Goal (500 exp)
- First party to enter Sir Robyn’s Tower (600 exp)
Total: 1500 exp

Events:

--- Those in Glassblowers’ Houses
- We left last session on a cliffhanger ending in the glassblower’s workshop, with Andromeda witnessing a near-invisible shape slipping into the small office.
- Andromeda knocks on the office door, the rest of the party cautiously fanning out through the room. There is a scrape and a thud from within. She engages her vampiric heartbeat vision and sees a circulatory system climbing down into the floor - the weird thing is that its heart does not beat, the blood frozen in the veins.
- She opens the door and Red rolls in, seeing a normal office except it has a turned-up rug with a trapdoor beneath it. Classic stuff.
- Andromeda opens the trapdoor and the translucent creature yelps, dropping down to the floor below with a thunk! Andromeda jumps down, turning into mist just before impact so she can reform into her armour in a cool way!

- Glass creatures attack, they are long glass tubes with arms and legs, their long snouts and tails giving them a vaguely reptilian stance. Red lands with a glass-shaking impact, stunning them, and Andromeda gets her teeth into one of the creatures and sucks its life-essence dry!
- Their morale immediately falters, and when Beepbox jetpacks down from above with Jeremy Wizard in his arms he speaks to them. They’re glass creatures, created by their glassblower master.

- Jeremy uses a cantrip of Speak With Dead to make the dead glass creature speak. Poison Phil uses this and the age-old Weekend at Bernie’s technique to get the “living” creature out of there up the ladder.
- Andromeda uses the opportunity to mist-form away down the corridor, leaving her armour leaning against the wall like she’s still in there. She’s going to find this glassblower who made all these creatures.

--- Mirror Mirror
- While those shenanigans unfold, Beepbox investigates a nearby room to discover that it is covered with mirrors. Floor, ceiling and walls. The reflections go on so long that there’s a delay effect, and in the very centre of the space is a slowly rotating gilded mirror, reflective on both sides.

- He puts his hand towards the mirror and it sinks in… but his reflection’s hand sinks out! His own hand is coming out towards him! Beepbox jumps through to see what the deal is, and finds himself in the identical room… except the Jeremy Wizard in here seems different… and the reflection in the real world is moving separately to him!
- He jetpack-boosts upwards to try to escape the mirror dimension and smashes through into…
- In the real-world, Jeremy Wizard sees the mirror go black. Mirror-Beepbox is looking around in confusion. Soon the truth becomes clear… this Beepbox is from a mirror reality where the world cracked like an egg and Galaxy Johnson saved humanity by putting a bubble over the largest chunk of the planet. His name is Kandy Toffee-Apple Moon d’Moor and he is a Cleric of the Intergalactic Cult of Galaxy Johnson!

--- Glass Half Crazy
- Andromeda has followed her heartbeat vision towards a frozen circulatory system in the shape of a woman. Their arms are moving in spell-casting motions. She slips under the door and finds herself in a library, the woman is right before her.
- She gusts forward, still in fog-form, and smushes up against an invisible wall! The woman casts another spell, and Andromeda is encased in a glass globe! Andromeda returns to human form and talks to the glass witch.

- The glass witch is a bit of a loner, but is mildly interested in what’s been happening in the outside world. Her glass form makes her immune to the gas, but she’s fine with staying inside with her books. She’s interesting in what happened to POWERLAD at least, and is fine with swapping some spells with Jeremy Wizard because it’s something to do. Jeremy gains the Glass Shield, Glass Globe and Wall of Glass spells.
- With this all ended quite amicably, other than the curious case of Beepbox’s mirrored doppelganger, they ask to spend the night. The glass witch doesn’t like this much, but allows it so long as they leave in the morning.

--- Sir Robyn’s Tower Within Reach!
- It’s a clear day in the morning and Sir Robyn’s tower is in sight! Jeremy Wizard celebrates by fishing in the lake, with a little help from a Beckon cantrip. Soon he has amassed 6 devil-carp! Their human-like eyes are a bit creepy, and when gutted they each hold an obol in their belly, but their spicy flesh will go down a treat! He salts them to preserve them for the trip ahead.

--- A Dead Red
- They reach the tower swiftly with the wagon, finding that the whole thing is strewn with ropes and webs and young spider-kids! It’s essentially a jungle gym for spiders, and they greet Red happily.
- Red’s corpse lies on the doorstep, cut in half. Red is confused - she’s the only Red that exists! But closer inspection reveals it to be a clockwork simulacrum, and twisting a handle makes confetti pop out with a vocal congratulations from Sir Robyn!
- On further inspection, the spider-kids are also clockwork. Lots of clockwork nonsense about.
- Red talks to the door, and a wooden face of Sir Robyn stretches out of it! It tricks the party into getting naked, then cries laughing about it.
- After a bunch more bullshit, it turns out that there are a couple of buttons on the door that let you in. The head is still laughing.

--- The Mysterious Head
- Inside, they see that the walls are lined with the heads of mythical beasts. There is one suspicious mounted head - it has a black cloth draped over it. Speculation trends towards it being the head of the Medusa.
- Leaving well enough alone for now, they check out the other rooms at the base of the tower. One room is ankle-deep with gold dust and contains various chests. In the centre of the room a pedestal holds a large gem.
- In the other, a dining room with some fine china and a small kitchenette. More importantly, there’s a pantry!  Inside are 50 tasteless muesli bars (iron rations) and a small fortune in Rolos, marzipan, canned bread, manna, and whale caviar. Quite the interesting selection of ingredients!
- The desire to uncover the mystery of the covered head is too strong, and a plan is concocted to find out what it is. Everyone else hides round the corner as Andromeda bat-forms to lift the cloth and Kandy takes a picture with his polaroid camera.
- There is a farting sound, Andromeda drops the cloth, and the polaroid develops to reveal… a big stinky stone butt! It was a trick!

--- Not the Bees!
- “Hilarious” joke out of the way, the gang ascend the stairs to the second level. There’s a beehive here droning with the sound of whirring mechanical bees! Red knocks on it and the bees get angry. Jeremy starts to cast a spell and… is beset by bees!
- The bees disrupt his spell mid-cast, rebounding the spell back on the poor boy and roiling in a wild magic surge around him. His mouth is dry and crusty… he has to eat rocks for sustenance for the next fortnight!

- They leave the bees alone for now and check around the corner. There’s a massive parrot painted to look like a raccoon. Also it’s clearly a zombie parrot. Jeremy feeds it some meat and it squawks out “Archibald work with me!” which is apparently a clue.
- It’s getting late so we wrap up here amongst the bees and the zombie bird and the big stone butt. What other secrets does Sir Robyn’s Tower hold?!?

Total: 8000 exp

Roles:
Remembrancer: Charles (100 exp)
Expedition Leader: George (100 exp)
Cartographer: George (100 exp)

Quartermaster: Ollie (100 exp)
Vanguard: George (100 exp)
Triage: Timothy (100 exp)
Chef: Kitty (100 exp)

OOC Bonuses:
- Art Attack bonus (Charles, Ollie - 100 exp ea.)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 8 Andromedan Vampire: 165904 (Level MAX)

- Tim / Red, Level 8 Duellist Fighter: 153497 (Level MAX)

- Charles / Jeremy Wizard, Level 7 Magic-User: 101746 (Level up at 144000)

- Ollie / Kandy Toffee-Apple Moon D'Moor, Level 7 Intergalacticist Cleric: 80747 (Level up at 112000)

- George / Poison Phil, Level 3 Fighter: 5869 (Level up at 8000)
Level Up! +1d8 HP! +1 to hit! +1 to crit/fumble! +Backstory!

Session 280 - The Dragon and the Crack-Ferret

An escape from a Dragon, an encounter with a sneaky ferret that nearly killed Jeremy Wizard, and absolutely loads of fucking rain. It can only be overland travel through the wastes! At least you're near your goal now!

Session 280 - The Dragon and the Crack-Ferret

New Characters:
- Niamh, a familiar Cleric of the Enlightened faith.

Supplies:
- 13 Ferret Rations (13 exp)
Total: 13 exp

Kills:

- A massive ferret (250 exp)
Total: 250 exp

Expedition:
- Found Shielded Campsite (100 exp)
- Saw a Dragon (500 exp)
Total: 600 exp

Events:

--- Braving the Rain
- A summer storm beats down on the party’s campsite, rattling off the roof of the wagon and splashing over the bones of the skeletal steed. There’s one main problem - they’re hungry and Jeremy’s supply of rations has run low.
- They set out to forage and thunder cracks through the sky, a fizzing static sound comes from all around and everyone’s exposed gear is damaged, their arms and armour threaded with juddery lightning traceries! To add insult to injury, they find fuck all food in the poisoned waste.
- Back at the camp, Jeremy begrudgingly uses all of his magical reserves to Mend everyone’s gear and Niamh preaches the Enlightened gospel to a mostly receptive audience. The Blessing of the Lady is upon them - turn any roll into a coin flip today!

--- Vine Dragon
- As he does so, thick vines snake their way across the ground. Around them various plantlife grows and matures and dies and grows, a fast-forwarded flora. A Dragon must be near!
- Andromeda morphs into bat form and flies to investigate with her various visions. She soon finds it - more a moving mass of fast-growing greenery in the vague shape of a Dragon than an actual beast of flesh and bone.
- She flies back and the party quickly decamp in the pouring rain. There is a brief argument over whether they should fight or flee - Dragon hearts are valuable and useful for rune-magic after all - but the issue is forced when the shambling shape of that very monster looms in the downpour!
- Jeremy screams, jumps into the skeleton spider-horse steed, and goes! The others grab on as he careens past, spraying mud across the vine-covered ground, going as fast as he can to evade the great Dragon!
- The Lady’s blessing immediately comes in handy, allowing even the least skilful driver to at least have even odds of successfully piloting the wagon under pressure.
- The Dragon takes to the sky, spreading massive fern frond wings and chasing after the wagon with a sound like wind through trees. Andromeda takes to the sky too, bat wings flapping, and draws the beasts’ attention! She successfully draws it away and the wagon continues on at great speed, jouncing across the rough terrain and pouring rain.

--- Hiding in the Crack
- Soon the wagon leaves the vine-strewn ground of the dragon’s home. Through the ever-present rain they can see that the ground is cracked and broken around here, strange rolls of earth like crashing waves frozen into dirt. More importantly, some of these waves form long tubes that can be sheltered in!
- They take the opportunity to do just that, Andromeda taking watch as usual. Jeremy, freaked out by the idea of Dragons, goes as deep into the safety hole as he can.
- This is an almost fatal error - during the night Jeremy feels something tapping on his head. He opens his eyes to see a huge and pure black ferret staring into his eyes! It goes for his throat, silently choking him!
- Even Andromeda’s enhanced hearing can’t detect this silent killer. Thankfully Jeremy’s bee familiar can! It buzzes over the Andromeda and buzzes angrily, and when she turns she sees exactly what’s going down with her heartbeat vision!
- The thing is powerful, but not as powerful as Andromeda’s vampire-strength! She burns blood to wrestle the ferret off of Jeremy’s neck, and he gets a hand free to send a Magic Missile into it at point-blank range!
- In the cramped fold of hillside it’s nigh-impossible for Niamh and Red to help, but they try. Niamh at least heals Jeremy, Red tries to stab past into the ferret, and finally Andromeda manages to drain the last of the blood from this ferrety foe!
- The horror defeated, the rest of the party try to get some rest. In the morning they awake to the “interesting” scent of Ferfect Frazzlejack Ferret - a mix of tenderised ferret meat and frazzlejack. It’s surprisingly ok!

--- Road Get!
- In the morning the rain finally clears! Thank goodness! They set off again and avoid the dragon’s lair, soon coming to an actual trail on the edge of the woods, wonderful! Everything’s working out nicely!
- They roll off down the trail at a much greater speed than previously, heading down towards Puddle on their pre-apocalypse map. The trail takes them into a boggy forest and through to Puddle which is being reclaimed by the marsh. Nevertheless, there’s evidence that somebody’s been here recently - muddy tracks and the remains of a campfire.
- They camp here in the ruins for the night. It rains during the night, but eases into a muggy haze in the morning. Heading further gets them to the outskirts of what was once the village of Pindle, so they turn south-east towards their goal.
- At the crossroads is a pub called Crossroads and there’s… a small man waving at them from the door? Suspecting ghosts or some similar shenanigans, they bravely roll onwards.
- Further along they see ash-blackened skeletons standing by the roadside. Said skeletons turn to follow the wagon as it passes by them, so Jeremy digs in his heels and gets the wagon to get out of there!

--- The Glassmaker of Despond

- They reach Despond on the edge of the massive lake called the Lone Sea in good time. Sir Robyn’s tower is somewhere between here and the village of Pond to the south. Something piques Andromeda’s interest - a glassblower’s shop with a puff of smoke rising from the chimney!
- She enters the place and looks around… and notices a nigh-invisible creature open the door to the office and slip through. Mystery!!

- We end on that little cliffhanger! Surviving a dragon, a massive ferret, and loads of rain is no easy feat!

Total: 6000 exp

Roles:
Remembrancer: Charles (100 exp)
Triage: Timothy (100 exp)
Vanguard: Kitty (100 exp)
Expedition Leader: Timothy (100 exp)

OOC Bonuses:
- Art Attack bonus (Charles - 100 exp)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Andromeda, Level 8 Andromedan Vampire: 163356 (Level MAX)

- Tim / Red, Level 8 Duellist Fighter: 150949 (Level MAX)

- Charles / Jeremy Wizard, Level 7 Magic-User: 99098 (Level up at 144000)

- James G / Niamh, Level 1 Enlightened Cleric: 1716 (Level up at 2250)

Session 279 - The Road to Robyn

Ah, the sweet balm of the hex-crawl returns once more!
Following ancient maps from before the End Times, our intrepid crew of explorers makes use of the clear summer days to roll up the main road towards Salisburgh.
Between unexpected rivers, crab-human relations, and a whole mess of resurgent mutant life - not to mention the surprise return of Gifflewim and Jeremy's soul - out heroes had a lot on their plates!
Except for food of course, that would have been too much to ask... 

Session 279 - The Road to Robyn

New Backstory:
- Beepbox had an opportunity to save his ailing father’s life when travelling doctors came to town, but he had to turn them down in order to save schoolful of kids. +2 to hit against creatures you witnessed harming innocents this session.

Supplies:
- 2 Frazzlejack (2 exp)

Events:

--- We’re Going To Need a Big Boat
- With Japhet & Hirsch supplying the party’s overland travel needs, the course is set for the party’s expedition out to Sir Robyn’s tower on the shores of the Lone Sea!
- But first, an aside in service of their next big trip. They order a strange vessel constructed - a ship with skeleton legs that they intend to use as an amphibious vehicle to take them all the way to Dwimmermount.

- The work begins, and the gang head out into the wastes!

--- Pedals to the Metal

- As luck would have it, it’s a nice clear day as they set off into the scoured lands! Jeremy Wizard drives the steed - a horrific spider-like horse skeleton - and pulls the wagon which features two big glaring eyes through which Japhet & Hirsch can view their progress.
- Most of the party stay within the relatively comfortable wagon, while Red rides on top with her rifle at the ready. Jeremy sets a rapid pace, the rugged trail and clear day making it an easy ride.

- They soon reach the main road towards Salisburgh and drive onwards, keeping up the pace. As Kink hives into view in the distance they begin to debate whether to blast through or just drive around. Last time they were here they met demons, after all.
- They compromise by skirting round the outskirts of town… only to remember that Kink is built over a river and has the only bridge for miles. Into town it is, then!

--- Crabs and People
- They cautiously rumble through the streets, seeing movement out of the corner of their eyes down alleyways and between houses. Crabs scuttling out of sight… or is it people?
- They approach the bridge and see that it’s got a load of stoneshell crabs on it, along with a bunch of oddly-attired people. They have big fake pincers on their hands and wiggly fake antennae on their heads, devices they seem to use to communicate with the crabs!
- Red knows some crab-language and uses it to try and get over the bridge, but her words are offensive! After a minor altercation, and a promise that they won’t come back, one of the crab-communicator men persuades the crabbos to let the wagon through. Phew!

--- Old Friends
- They roll onwards, making good use of the long summer daylight. They crunch through some crystals (Jeremy being told to “drive! drive!” out of what can only be dragon-sign), roll past the lovely-looking Samuel who they leave in the dust since he’s a literal demon, and finally stop for the night by the side of the road a mile onwards.
- Red finds a small outcrop of frazzlejack - shallot-like bulbs that grow near fallen angel metal - as she sets up camp. Thoughts turn to food - they didn’t bring much beyond some iron rations Jeremy has stashed away. Better than nothing!
- They settle down for the night, but during Beepbox’s watch he hears a yell! In the pale moonlight he sees a familiar face - Gifflewim! He pelts over the crest of a low hill towards the wagon, umbrella held aloft, chased by a whole lot of stoneshell crabs!
- Beepbox fires a beam rifle warning shot and the crabs turn and flee back from whence they came.
- All the noise has woken the rest of the party, who emerge from their beds to greet the weirdo merchant Elf. Jeremy trades back the Snels USB and some astroturf to get his soul back. Red trades her choker - the only thing she’s ever really owned from Sir Robyn - in exchange for some future boon. Gifflewim gives her one of his coins, which he’s circumspect about giving away these days.
- He agrees to stick with the party if they can drop him off at the camp up the road, they’re completely useless survivalists and easily grifted which is right up his alley.

--- Life Party
- Dawn breaks and the day opens to what looks to be an absolute scorcher. Gifflewim’s umbrella handily ensures that the nearby area has a light summer sprinkle of rain instead, so they head up north to this bad survivalist camp.
- They arrive in good time and see for themselves the effect that the Dharga has had on the local area. If anything, there’s now too much life around here. The sunburnt limbs of the great flesh-tree of Dharga stretch out from the diamond dino-dome, dripping and dropping big blobs of fat flesh that roll down to the lush and lurid sea of life below.
- They ask one of the locals what the fuck this is all about and they say they’re surviving here due to the gifts of the Dharga, feasting upon its off-cuts. A cry goes up from the village as they see a great hairy orb drop from the armpit of a tree-limb and roll across the plains towards them, apparently under its own power. It rips through a few tents as it rumbles to a halt in the village and the locals gather round to shave it, eat it and/or milk it.
- The local they were talking to goes to eat some too, and they see that there’s a horrible burbling second face on the back of their head. Clearly the price of easy life is at least a little bit of mutation...
- Gifflewim recommends that the party not go through there up to Salisburgh - it’s not in a good way as they can see. Instead they should probably off-road it towards the marshes and take up the trail again there.
- Poison Phil takes a rifle from the hands of a man who seems to be mutating into a puddle of flesh and gets on the wagon. It’s time to move on!

--- Heatstroke
- They roll on, heading south-west as per Gifflewim’s recommendation. It’s still really fucking hot,  and without the magic umbrella the heat really starts getting to people. Red is especially affected in her heavy armour. After a few hours of this Jeremy stops the cart - there’s got to be something they can do! He tries out a few runes until he makes an air conditioner for inside the wagon. Much better!
- Jeremy takes them further at a very slow rate to avoid crashing - they’re rumbling over rough terrain now. Red jumps out to get a drink of water as Jeremy steers them past a thin stream and gets a horrible shock when she looks into the depths and sees a faceless face staring back! They move swiftly on.

- They continue through an area rippled like dunes and veined with cracks like shattered glass and settle down as the day turns to dusk.

--- Woodsmoke
- Jeremy Wizard smells woodsmoke during his watch that night and, intrigued, follows it. Amidst swirling woodsmoke he sees a house on stilts and approaches it. A young woman’s voice calls out to him, and he sees her waving from the doorway. He turns and flees back through the smoke, but he can’t find his way out! He’s trapped! He -
-
- He opens his eyes and sees the rest of the party standing around him. Some watchman! But why does he smell of woodsmoke?
- He groggily looks around the campsite - all perfectly fine. Raindrops begin to fall from fat grey clouds overhead. The heatwave has been broken by a summer storm!
- Next time… do they brave the rain on the way to Sir Robyn’s tower?

Total: 7000 exp

Expeditions:
- Expedition Begun!: 500 exp
- Change of Plans: 100 exp
Total: 600 exp

Roles:
Remembrancer: Charles (100 exp)
Triage: Timothy (100 exp)
Vanguard: Ollie (100 exp)
Expedition Leader: George (100 exp)
Cartographer: George (100 exp)
Quartermaster: Ollie (100 exp)
Chef: Izzy (100 exp)
Paymaster: Charles (100 exp)

OOC Bonuses:
- Art Attack bonus (Charles - 100 exp)

Exp Totals:

- Tim / Red, Level 8 Duellist Fighter: 149033 (Level MAX)

- Izzy / Ratman, Level 8 Ratman: 127133 (Level MAX)

- Charles / Jeremy Wizard, Level 7 Magic-User: 97182 (Level up at 144000)

- Ollie / Beepbox Strawberry Stars de Moor, Level 7 Cleric of the New Eden: 78099 (Level up at 112000)

- George / Poison Phil, Level 2 Fighter: 3121 (Level up at 4000)

Level Up! +1d8 HP! +1 to hit! +backstory!