Date: August 3, 21p.p.
Moon: Waning Clean
Zenith: Eris
Zenith: Eris
Events:
--- Cliffhanger Uncliffed!
--- Cliffhanger Uncliffed!
- In the meat factory, our heroes Astro-Moon, Swan the Swift, Iskander, Celebus and Amanta, ready for the conclusion of last week's cliffhanger. Celebus had just lobbed an Animate Dead spell at a bucketful of guts held by a crab-handed oompa loompa, and in slow motion we see the results...
- The guts erupt like floppy snakes and start to strange the little orange guy! The other oompa loompas flee, citing safety regs! The coast is clear!
- As a whole intestine starts snaking down the gagging oesophagus of the ambushed oompa loompa, Celebus goes over to a very meaty console and slams a button that says "do not touch". The bulbous tubes connecting the various meat boilers disconnect, writhing on the ground and spewing disturbingly bright pink ooze across the floor.
- Our heroes scurry up the stairs to the next level. It's a very throat-like room. There is much discussion as to which way round the map is in various memories.
- A man with a conical head bustles past the throng, heading towards the blaring alarms from the mutagenic outbreak below. The party, true to form, pretend that they're some sort of inspectors and abscond while the man is distracted by the meaty tendrils crowding up the stairs.
- Iskander peeps into a nearby room and sees what looks like a doctors' office. Several individual cubicles contain winged mutants being interviewed by doctors with clipboards. Iskander fires a special fireball crossbow bolt in there and shuts the door, to screams.
--- Charles' One-Eyed Snake Fantasy
- The guts erupt like floppy snakes and start to strange the little orange guy! The other oompa loompas flee, citing safety regs! The coast is clear!
- As a whole intestine starts snaking down the gagging oesophagus of the ambushed oompa loompa, Celebus goes over to a very meaty console and slams a button that says "do not touch". The bulbous tubes connecting the various meat boilers disconnect, writhing on the ground and spewing disturbingly bright pink ooze across the floor.
- Our heroes scurry up the stairs to the next level. It's a very throat-like room. There is much discussion as to which way round the map is in various memories.
- A man with a conical head bustles past the throng, heading towards the blaring alarms from the mutagenic outbreak below. The party, true to form, pretend that they're some sort of inspectors and abscond while the man is distracted by the meaty tendrils crowding up the stairs.
- Iskander peeps into a nearby room and sees what looks like a doctors' office. Several individual cubicles contain winged mutants being interviewed by doctors with clipboards. Iskander fires a special fireball crossbow bolt in there and shuts the door, to screams.
--- Charles' One-Eyed Snake Fantasy
- The team run out into a corridor and take a hard right into a big very Wonka-esque room that's like a field made of meat. The grass is hair. The ground is skin. The river in the middle is a river of thick gloopy stinky brown stuff. Skin-winged butterflies dart about. Celebus gets obsessed with imagined "snakes" that he "kisses" and drinks the "fluid" "within".
- There's a locked door out, which Astro Moon punches open with a Shocking Grasp.
--- Another Baz
- Another corridor, more doors. They open one experimentally to find the entry chamber. There's a coat rack, some seating, and a legless strong-armed man called Legless Baz in a top hat. He asks them who they are, and they give the same excuse that they're meant to be here as biohazard contractors. The biohazard alarms are still going off, so he gives them the benefit of the doubt.
- They had back into the corridor, avoiding a couple of doors, and see a big hollow vitreous eyeball that acts as a window. An exit?
- There a door here too. They peek through and see some dorms. Bunkbeds separated by scrotal flaps that shrink up when touched. Various stuff is found, including some iberico ham, some sausage, a vial of poison under a half-written suicide note, and the end of a fag packet.
- There's a locked door out, which Astro Moon punches open with a Shocking Grasp.
--- Another Baz
- Another corridor, more doors. They open one experimentally to find the entry chamber. There's a coat rack, some seating, and a legless strong-armed man called Legless Baz in a top hat. He asks them who they are, and they give the same excuse that they're meant to be here as biohazard contractors. The biohazard alarms are still going off, so he gives them the benefit of the doubt.
- They had back into the corridor, avoiding a couple of doors, and see a big hollow vitreous eyeball that acts as a window. An exit?
- There a door here too. They peek through and see some dorms. Bunkbeds separated by scrotal flaps that shrink up when touched. Various stuff is found, including some iberico ham, some sausage, a vial of poison under a half-written suicide note, and the end of a fag packet.
- They leave and overhear some guards talking over the party's description. A big mantis, plus a few other dodgy chaps. Fuck.
- Celebus uses Link Portals in the corridor to scooby doo this shit. Every door leads out of a random other door. Let's go!
- Celebus uses Link Portals in the corridor to scooby doo this shit. Every door leads out of a random other door. Let's go!
--- Four-Armed but not forewarned
- The party run through the nearest door and end up in a strange new room! A fine figure of a four-armed 8-foot-tall man flexes on a rotating pedestal, measured by several Meat Magi who are admiring the Meatworks' meat work. The big guy has two heads, one buried in the chest and one on the neck.
- Iskander runs up and shoves a locket straight between the muscle man's butt cheeks. Unfortunately Iskander also gets his hand stuck between those big buns.
- Swan looks on in awe. This is the best day of his life.
- Just then, the guards randomly come out of the nearby door. This day just keeps getting worse!
- High combat ensues. Despite his arm getting slowly pulled further and further into the surprisingly capacious anus of the four-armed muscle man, Iskander manages to use the momentum from the spinning dais to decapitate several guards!
- Celebus and Amanta join the battle but are laughing too hard to hit their foes, to the general mirth of the guards themselves until their mirth is cut short by Iskander's arm-deep rotational decapitations.
- The Meat Magi attempt spells, but Iskander's plan works! The spells are drawn to the spell-attracting locket lodged deep within the four-armed meat man! Successive spells hit him, weakness reducing his gluteal grip and an arcane blood-link attaching his health to Iskander.
- Iskander suddenly realises a horrible truth - killing the man he's fisting will also kill him.
- He drinks a potion of sponginess, which unfortunately was supposed to be applied topically. He vomits it all over his own arm and up the big man's bum crack. His arm become like a sponge and easily, finally, extricated from the powerful rump of his foe.
- The party run through the nearest door and end up in a strange new room! A fine figure of a four-armed 8-foot-tall man flexes on a rotating pedestal, measured by several Meat Magi who are admiring the Meatworks' meat work. The big guy has two heads, one buried in the chest and one on the neck.
- Iskander runs up and shoves a locket straight between the muscle man's butt cheeks. Unfortunately Iskander also gets his hand stuck between those big buns.
- Swan looks on in awe. This is the best day of his life.
- Just then, the guards randomly come out of the nearby door. This day just keeps getting worse!
- High combat ensues. Despite his arm getting slowly pulled further and further into the surprisingly capacious anus of the four-armed muscle man, Iskander manages to use the momentum from the spinning dais to decapitate several guards!
- Celebus and Amanta join the battle but are laughing too hard to hit their foes, to the general mirth of the guards themselves until their mirth is cut short by Iskander's arm-deep rotational decapitations.
- The Meat Magi attempt spells, but Iskander's plan works! The spells are drawn to the spell-attracting locket lodged deep within the four-armed meat man! Successive spells hit him, weakness reducing his gluteal grip and an arcane blood-link attaching his health to Iskander.
- Iskander suddenly realises a horrible truth - killing the man he's fisting will also kill him.
- He drinks a potion of sponginess, which unfortunately was supposed to be applied topically. He vomits it all over his own arm and up the big man's bum crack. His arm become like a sponge and easily, finally, extricated from the powerful rump of his foe.
- The Muscle Man limps out a door for a bit of a lie down after the ordeal. Thankfully for him, he random-doors straight into the dorms, where he places a pillow under his lower back as he lies down.
- A last surprise attack from Legless Baz is forestalled when Astro Moon punches a dead wizard to become a horrible steed, on which Legless Baz can be mounted like a centaur figurehead. He's pleased, and becomes non-violent.
--- The Worst Thing That Can Happen
- Amongst the corpses of several dead wizards and guards, the party ask Legless (Legged?) Baz about how the meat factory could be destroyed.
- He tells them that, on balance, a full mutagenic outbreak such as might be caused by pressing the big "do not press" button down in the basement would wind up destroying the place.
- The gang look at each other with a 😬
- The mutagen bubbles around the doors, forcing them open. Sirens outside grow louder. It's time to go!
- They escape out the front door, Legless Baz cantering along beside them, as the fire department-esque mutagen squad roll up in a big red flesh-van and start spraying the place down with lye. Meatworks... complete!
Total: 6000 exp
--- The Worst Thing That Can Happen
- Amongst the corpses of several dead wizards and guards, the party ask Legless (Legged?) Baz about how the meat factory could be destroyed.
- He tells them that, on balance, a full mutagenic outbreak such as might be caused by pressing the big "do not press" button down in the basement would wind up destroying the place.
- The gang look at each other with a 😬
- The mutagen bubbles around the doors, forcing them open. Sirens outside grow louder. It's time to go!
- They escape out the front door, Legless Baz cantering along beside them, as the fire department-esque mutagen squad roll up in a big red flesh-van and start spraying the place down with lye. Meatworks... complete!
Total: 6000 exp
Loot:
- 17 sausages (17 exp)
- A slab of iberico ham (1000sp)
- A vial of blade poison - Trauma equal to damage, one use.
- Three choking cigarettes - breathe out to stun an area of foes, Save vs Blast slows instead.
Total: 1017 exp
Foes Defeated:
- A fair number of guards (100 exp)
- A smaller number of Meat Mages (250 exp)
- Legless Baz (75 exp)
- A four-armed big boss man (750 exp)
Total: 1175 exp
OOC:
- Chronicler - Charles
- Expedition Leader - Kitty
- Vanguard - George
- Chef - Izzy
- 17 sausages (17 exp)
- A slab of iberico ham (1000sp)
- A vial of blade poison - Trauma equal to damage, one use.
- Three choking cigarettes - breathe out to stun an area of foes, Save vs Blast slows instead.
Total: 1017 exp
Foes Defeated:
- A fair number of guards (100 exp)
- A smaller number of Meat Mages (250 exp)
- Legless Baz (75 exp)
- A four-armed big boss man (750 exp)
Total: 1175 exp
OOC:
- Chronicler - Charles
- Expedition Leader - Kitty
- Vanguard - George
- Chef - Izzy
Exp Totals:
- George / Swan the Swift, Level 6 Barbarian: 45028 (Level up at 64000)
- Charles / Celebus Uppytus, Level 6 Necromancer: 39883 (Level up at 72000)
- Kitty / Amanta, Level 6 Mantis Specialist: 37041 (Level up at 56000)
- Ollie / Iskander Fullbeard, Level 6 Fighter: 36704 (Level up at 64000)
- Izzy / Astro Moon, Level 4 Muscle Wizard: 14122 (Level up at 18000)
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